Congratulations to our beloved Mack and Joan! Here's wishing you a second forty! **clink** And to the rest who will spend this day basking in that heart's glow, here's wishing God's blessings on you and yours-- **clink**
And now, here's something for all us single people who spend this day being bombarded with all the great things we're missing out on. National Day of Mourning, indeed.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the lyrics to one of the funniest "love songs" in the history of civilization:
One More Minute
---------------
by Weird Al Yankovic
Well I heard that you're leavin'
Gonna leave me far behind
'cause you found a brand new lover
You decided that I'm not your kind
So I pulled your name out of my Rolodex
And I tore all your pictures in two
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go
Just because it reminds me of you
That's right, you ain't gonna see me cryin'
I'm glad that you found somebody new
'cause I'd rather spend eternity
Eating shards of broken glass
Than spend one more minute with you
I guess I might seem kind of bitter
You've got me feeling down in the dumps
'cause I'm stranded all alone at the gas station of love
And I have to use the self service pumps!
Oh so, honey, let me help you with that suitcase
You ain't gonna break my heart in two
'cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
Then spend one more minute with you
I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Then watch you going out with other men
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door
Again and again and again and again and again
(Oh can't ya see what I'm trying to tell ya darling!)
I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches
Shove an ice pick under a toenail or two
I'd rather clean all the bathrooms
in Grand Central Station... with my tongue
Then spend one more minute with you.
Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with Krazy Glue
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool
filled with double edged razor blades
Then spend one more minute with you
I'd rather rip my heart right outta my ribcage
With my bare hands and then throw it on the floor
And stomp on it 'till I die!!!!
(GASP!)
Then spend... one more minute... with you