Songs with utterly improbable opening lines.

cowtime · Post by **cowtime** » Thu Feb 15, 2007 8:28 pm

Suzy?
Suzy: Yes
Suzy Creamcheese?
Yes
This is the voice of your conscience baby, uh . . . I just
want to check one thing out with ya, you don't mind, do ya?
What?
Suzy Creamcheese, honey, what's got into ya?

(The Return of the Son of Monster Magnet)
Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention

chrisoff · Post by **chrisoff** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 3:38 am

cowtime wrote:(The Return of the Son of Monster Magnet)

Hah! I was just about to post this effort:

Bummer by Monster Magnet

You're looking for the one who f****d your mom
It's not me
It's not me

Also now defunct UK band McLusky had some classics, inc. this one:

Derek Brown Says:

All of your friends are c***s
Your mother is a ball-point pen thief
Notoriety follows you
Like beatings follow rain

Allan is a cowboy killer:

Pull up my pants
Now the camera crew has gone
In your statement to the police
Tell them how you turned me on

brewerpaul · Post by **brewerpaul** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 5:45 am

jsluder wrote:Sign my snarling doggy -- do it for me
Sign my snarling doggy -- or your knee is his tree

(Sign My Snarling Doggy -- The Bobs)

Spontaneous Human Combustion
Poof, there goes another one

(Spontaneous Human Combustion -- The Bobs)

Ha ha Sludes: I would have BET you were a Bobs fan!
(if you haven't seen them live, move heaven and earth to do so)

Wombat · Post by **Wombat** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 6:20 am

I'm beginning to think I asked the wrong question, for what I was getting at, although not for getting a lot of fun in response. I guess every first line is improbable in the sense that it was much less likely that someone would have written exactly that song than not. Well, not quite every song; if McCartney hadn't written 'Michelle' and 'Yesterday', Barry Manilow surely would have. I'd really forgotten how many silly first lines the 60s and 70s threw up; I use that term advisedly.

So it's not just improbability; somehow Paul Capsis's line has a very special kind of improbability, just as Capsis himself has a very special kind of improbability.

As for first lines that make you sit up and pay attention, may favourite still is:
God said to Abraham won't you kill me a son,
Abe said 'Hey man, you puttin' me on'

I.D.10-t · Post by **I.D.10-t** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 6:47 am

Kind of like the opening sentance to The Metamorphosis

One morning, as Gregor Samsa was waking up from anxious dreams, he discovered that in bed he had been changed into a monstrous verminous bug.

The biginning to a greater story like

Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there

djm · Post by **djm** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 8:26 am

Ladies & Gennelmen . . . the PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES!

"Fella Americans . . . "
DOOT, DOOT, DOOT . . . DOOT . . .
He's been sick.
DOO-OO-OOT . . . DOOT! DOOT!
(Teet-Teet . . . Teet-Teet . . . Teet-Teet . . . Teet-Teet-Teet)
And I think his wife is gonna bring him some chicken soup.
DOOT, DOOT (Teet-Teet)

- Plastic People - Mothers of Invention

Actually, if you want bizarro we could the entire Zappa catalogue.

CT, I just don't know what to make of you. Girls just don't like anything funny like Zappa or the Mothers. At least, none of the girls I ever met.

djm

Father Emmet · Post by **Father Emmet** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 8:41 am

I used to ride with a vending machine repair man.
– Every Day Is A Whining Toad

crookedtune · Post by **crookedtune** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 8:45 am

Father Emmet wrote:I used to ride with a vending machine repair man.
– Every Day Is A Whining Toad

rock on, padre!

jsluder · Post by **jsluder** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 10:31 am

brewerpaul wrote:Ha ha Sludes: I would have BET you were a Bobs fan!
(if you haven't seen them live, move heaven and earth to do so)

We got to see them live a few years ago (when Lori Bob was with them) at a local community-college vocal jazz concert. Small venue, with high school and college vocal jazz groups singing Bobs songs while waiting to get in, some great local groups as the opening acts, followed by an incredible performance by the Bobs. Fun fun fun!

daveboling · Post by **daveboling** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 1:07 pm

Sliabh Luachra wrote:
Denny wrote:
daveboling wrote:Jeremiah was a bullfrog, was a good friend of mine.

"Joy to the World"
Doobie Brothers

Some of the musicians I know that survived the '60s don't consider this improbable at all.

dave boling
improbable
Especially, since it was Three Dog Night, as opposed to the Doobies. . .

Which probably means Dave was really there (if you know what I mean)

Everyone that made it out did so iby widely different margins. I consider my self especially marginal.

dave boling

Coffee · Post by **Coffee** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 3:25 pm

Almost any song by Wierd Al.

cowtime · Post by **cowtime** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 3:34 pm

CT, I just don't know what to make of you. Girls just don't like anything funny like Zappa or the Mothers

( I've still got my dog-eared Freak Out album from the olden days)

Post by **Nanohedron** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 3:40 pm

Two of my Zappa favorites for improbable opening lines (that is, if I'm getting at what you're getting at, Wombles):

"Ah cudda swore hur haiur wuz mayde of raaaay-ahhhnnn..."

"Why does it hurt....when I peeeeee?"

Buckeye67 · Post by **Buckeye67** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 4:25 pm

Warren Zevon songs have some great, odd lyrics.

I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand
Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain
He was looking for the place called Lee Ho Fook's
Going to get a big dish of beef chow mein
-Werewolves of London

Well, I went home with the waitress
The way I always do
How was I to know
She was with the Russians too
-Lawyers, Guns and Money

Roland was a warrior from the Land of the Midnight Sun
With a Thompson gun for hire, fighting to be done
The deal was made in Denmark on a dark and stormy day
So he set out for Biafra to join the bloody fray
-Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner

Well, he went down to dinner in his Sunday best
Excitable boy, they all said
And he rubbed the pot roast all over his chest
Excitable boy, they all said
-Excitable Boy

Man, I miss him.

Flyingcursor · Post by **Flyingcursor** » Fri Feb 16, 2007 4:51 pm

Buckeye67 wrote:Warren Zevon songs have some great, odd lyrics.

I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand
Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain
He was looking for the place called Lee Ho Fook's
Going to get a big dish of beef chow mein
-Werewolves of London

Well, I went home with the waitress
The way I always do
How was I to know
She was with the Russians too
-Lawyers, Guns and Money

Roland was a warrior from the Land of the Midnight Sun
With a Thompson gun for hire, fighting to be done
The deal was made in Denmark on a dark and stormy day
So he set out for Biafra to join the bloody fray
-Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner

Well, he went down to dinner in his Sunday best
Excitable boy, they all said
And he rubbed the pot roast all over his chest
Excitable boy, they all said
-Excitable Boy

Man, I miss him.

Back in '79 my roommate and I wore out two tapes of the "Werewolves of London" tape.

Actually a mutual interest in Zevon brought my wife and I together. That and bluegrass.

One of my favorites off that album is "Like a Martyr". Great stuff.