OT: Male Rules!
- Treasach
- Posts: 49
- Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2003 10:39 am
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 1
- Location: Tennessee, USA
OT: Male Rules!
Hello to all!!
A friend of mine sent me this.
I thought that you would get a kick out of this.
Male Rules!
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules! Please
note...these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a
big girl. If it is up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You
don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = Sports. It is like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think
of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not
work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers
to almost everyquestion.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That
is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a
problem. See a doctor!
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say, during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like
nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine....Really!
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many pairs of shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know,I have to sleep on
the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's
like camping.
A friend of mine sent me this.
I thought that you would get a kick out of this.
Male Rules!
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules! Please
note...these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a
big girl. If it is up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You
don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = Sports. It is like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think
of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not
work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers
to almost everyquestion.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That
is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a
problem. See a doctor!
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say, during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like
nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine....Really!
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many pairs of shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know,I have to sleep on
the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's
like camping.
Treasach
- avanutria
- Posts: 4750
- Joined: Wed Aug 15, 2001 6:00 pm
- antispam: No
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 8
- Tell us something.: A long time chatty Chiffer but have been absent for almost two decades. Returned in 2022 and still recognize some names! I also play anglo concertina now.
- Location: Eugene, OR
- Contact:
Re: OT: Male Rules!
True. Christopher Columbus was also aiming for the Orient and ended up in the Bahamas.Treasach wrote:1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
- Jerry Freeman
- Posts: 6074
- Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
- antispam: No
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 8
- Location: Now playing in Northeastern Connecticut
- Contact:
- Nanohedron
- Moderatorer
- Posts: 38240
- Joined: Wed Dec 18, 2002 6:00 pm
- antispam: No
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 8
- Tell us something.: Been a fluter, citternist, and uilleann piper; committed now to the way of the harp.
Oh, yeah: also a mod here, not a spammer. A matter of opinion, perhaps. - Location: Lefse country
Re: OT: Male Rules!
"So" what? Jerry, you're usually as clear as daylight. Don't toy with us, please.Jerry Freeman wrote:So?
Anyway, I just emailed this to a friend. Priceless!
- Jerry Freeman
- Posts: 6074
- Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
- antispam: No
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 8
- Location: Now playing in Northeastern Connecticut
- Contact:
-
- Posts: 10300
- Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2002 6:00 pm
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 1
- Location: SF East Bay Area
- Nanohedron
- Moderatorer
- Posts: 38240
- Joined: Wed Dec 18, 2002 6:00 pm
- antispam: No
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 8
- Tell us something.: Been a fluter, citternist, and uilleann piper; committed now to the way of the harp.
Oh, yeah: also a mod here, not a spammer. A matter of opinion, perhaps. - Location: Lefse country
Aha. Gotcha. 'Twas the lack of attribution that threw me. Good point, my man.Jerry Freeman wrote:OK, what I really meant was, So what?
Columbus did fine without asking directions. The fact that he ended up somewhere else than he thought he was going is irrelevant. Typical female nit picking.
Best wishes,
Jerry
Weeks, you are just plain wicked. Happy Thanksgiving. Digest the irony of that with your turkey.
- Sandy Jasper
- Posts: 299
- Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2002 6:00 pm
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 1
- Location: West Coast, Canada
- Contact:
I like this one, it came in last night. Thank God I have already found Mr. Perfect, the mating game is not an easy one!
Understanding Men, I's not so complicated!
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think
we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual,
don't think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat
nice and have money, are pigs.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some
money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE
THE FIRST MOVE! The men who never make the first move,
automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
NOW, WHO IN THE WORLD UNDERSTANDS MEN?
Understanding Men, I's not so complicated!
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think
we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual,
don't think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat
nice and have money, are pigs.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some
money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE
THE FIRST MOVE! The men who never make the first move,
automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
NOW, WHO IN THE WORLD UNDERSTANDS MEN?
- IDAwHOa
- Posts: 3069
- Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2003 9:04 am
- antispam: No
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 8
- Tell us something.: I play whistles. I sell whistles. This seems just a BIT excessive to the cause. A sentence or two is WAY less than 100 characters.
My parents were CONSTANTLY fighting while on vacations because of "misadventures" and lost ways. My wife and I promised each other that we would not do that. Instead, like Mr C. we relish the new scenes and sights we find while getting back on track to our destination. Besides, he was NOT lost, he just did not go far enough!Jerry Freeman wrote:OK, what I really meant was, So what?
Columbus did fine without asking directions. The fact that he ended up somewhere else than he thought he was going is irrelevant. Typical female nit picking.
Best wishes,
Jerry
There are thousands of ways to get from one place to another. Just because the expected route was not taken does not mean it was wrong!
Steven - IDAwHOa - Wood Rocks
"If you keep asking questions.... You keep getting answers." - Miss Frizzle - The Magic School Bus
"If you keep asking questions.... You keep getting answers." - Miss Frizzle - The Magic School Bus
- ScottStewart
- Posts: 370
- Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2001 6:00 pm
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 1
- Location: flyover country
- Lorenzo
- Posts: 5726
- Joined: Fri May 24, 2002 6:00 pm
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 1
- Location: Oregon, USA
Columbus was probably just saying one thing and doing another, you know...or just a misunderstanding, maybe a communication breakdown with the Queen. He probably had a vacation for himself in mind. And besides, wasn't he using that old Vinland map of Leif Erickson's, the one Leif's wife had improved?avanutria wrote:Christopher Columbus was also aiming for the Orient and ended up in the Bahamas.
-
- Posts: 566
- Joined: Wed Jun 27, 2001 6:00 pm
- Please enter the next number in sequence: 1
- Location: Ottawa, Canada - Originally from Galway,
- Contact:
Here's one I rec'd today: (I'm still trying to convince my wife that I didn't make them up)
These statements are so true....
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make
love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering
dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the
pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that
romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and
tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than
swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins
into the bloodstream, inducing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with
a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually
active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones.
These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS10 TIMES MORE
EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages
saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that
causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the
tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural
antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever..
These statements are so true....
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make
love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering
dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the
pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that
romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and
tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than
swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins
into the bloodstream, inducing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with
a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually
active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones.
These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS10 TIMES MORE
EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages
saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that
causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the
tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural
antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever..
Cheers
Gerry
Think before you Think before you Post!
Gerry
Think before you Think before you Post!