A friend of mine sent me this.
I thought that you would get a kick out of this.
Male Rules!
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules! Please
note...these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a
big girl. If it is up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You
don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = Sports. It is like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think
of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not
work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers
to almost everyquestion.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That
is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a
problem. See a doctor!
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say, during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like
nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine....Really!
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many pairs of shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know,I have to sleep on
the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's
like camping.
Jerry, you're usually as clear as daylight. Don't toy with us, please. 
Scott
