Souvenir Whistles from Relatives

Whistle
1

I was eating lunch today at my folks’ house when my mother, who had been doing some cleaning, handed me a painted wooden whistle. “I found this in a cabinet and wondered if it was yours. I think maybe I gave it to you or your sister did; I can’t remember which. I’m trying to get rid of some stuff,” she said. I told her I couldn’t remember who might have given it to me. “Well, don’t you want to take it with you? You could play on it.”

“Bet I can’t,” I replied.

I vaguely recalled being given the whistle many years ago after some trip the mystery relative made to some distant land not known for fine whistles or whistlers. Because of my penchant for music, my family has been giving me cheap little instruments for as long as I can remember, which turned out well for me because that is how I obtained my first honest-to-God tinwhistle some twenty years ago, a Generation-type (the actual brand has been lost to antiquity) my dad picked up in an airport gift shop in Chicago.

Most of these gifts, however, have not been as fruitful as the Generation and like the little painted thing my mother handed to me today, they are basically junk. The whistle is painted brown with the impression of wood grain (the wood it is made from has no visible grain- probably something like balsa or sandalwood) and covering the brown are colorful flower-like images. It has five tone-holes with a significant crack running through the bottom two. The artisan who crafted this little gem was apparently conscious of the crack since he/she painted the crack interior to make it less noticeable.

I’m not sure which six-note scale culture this instrument came from that make whistles with five tone-holes, but it really makes no difference because covering and uncovering the holes while blowing the whistle makes no distinguishable difference in the pitch being produced. This would be because the sound window, which incidentally has been cut on the opposite side of the whistle from the tone-holes providing an interesting sensation on the chin while playing, is almost large enough to drive a Ford Explorer through. For all you C&Fers who like a light, airy sound to your whistles, have I got the instrument for you!

I really can’t fault my well-intentioned relatives who don’t know the first thing about whistles and want to bring a little joy to my life by giving me a supposedly musical reminder that they once took a trip to Ukraine, or Mexico, or Guam without me. What I don’t get is the people that sell these things. I can see selling a decorative wooden dinner plate that’s really not intended for use, but why a whistle? When someone gives you a hand-painted decorative plate you don’t say, “I think I’ll try this out right now on some mac’n’cheese!”, but when you get a musical instrument, your first inclination is to try to make a pretty sound on it. If it doesn’t work it might as well be a cleverly painted stick, or a keychain, or a little spoon. And this is one of at least thirty I have been given over the years- countless hollow sticks with arbitrary holes bored in them- tie a feather on it and it’s Native American, burn a geometric pattern on it and it’s Hawaiian, or just throw a sticker on it that says “Magic Kingdom”.

I would really enjoy collecting these things if they would only play a half-decent tune. Well, OK, I got this earthenware crocodile ocarina once that plays about four notes that I can make a tune out of, but it tastes like mud and I don’t really like where I have to blow the croc, so this is an exception to the previous statement. But why do they make and sell these things if they don’t play? Are five holes that much more cost-effective than six?

I bet I’m not the only one who gets these things laid on them from time to time, so I would like to hear stories from those of you. I would like to hear about the best and worst souvenir whistles you’ve gotten from your well-meaning loved ones who want to encourage you in your passions but just don’t understand whistledom.

Thanks for reading- I feel better now,
Ken

2

One time a lady i used to work with brought me an bamboo whistle, when she went on a cruise to the bahamas. I could play a tune with it. The problem was the second octave was in some other key than the # Db it played in bottom octave. I guess i shouldn’t complain…two horrible whistles for the price of one.). But in the end it didn’t go to waste. It started a really nice fire…Free kenneling

3

i totally enjoyed your post. i don’t have the problem of family and friends giving me cheap whistles, lucky me. what i do have however is people giving me CD’s of eye-rish music because they know i play “that flutey thing.” the last CD i got sounded like someone hand recorded a st. patrick’s day float in new york city. there was a piano and an accordian and a rather loud brassy woman singing “when irish eyes are smiling” and other assorted sing-a-long tunes but as far as music goes, this wasn’t even it. these float people hadn’t even heard of pennywhistles, flutes, and all the other good stuff. the cd was a bootleg so i don’t know who they were. i couldn’t even imagine why this cd was even burnt. why can’t folks find good music for once?

families, can’t live with 'em, so you don’t.

4

Yes - it’s such a funny phnomenon. The minute your take up ITM whistling it’s like the intensity of the passion creates a gravity well - to which anything remotely whistle-shaped is drawn. I suspect that good whistles don’t get captured because of their wieght and from their owners grasping them tightly.

Another theory is that “it’s the thought that counts” and these whistle archetypes coalesce around the thought.

I’ve only been whistling for a few months so there’s only been time for 10 of these items to drift in.

:laughing:

5

I have received a couple of “tourist” whistles as gifts, also a Yamaha recorder. The whistles can not hold a note, but are attractive to look at. I leave them in a clear vase–they look nice enough and don’t take up much space. Enjoy your music.

6

Well, I must admit that there is something decorative about them even if they don’t play and that’s why I keep them around. With my family, at least, there is a minimum period of time (about a year) that you must keep something like this before chopping it into firewood so as not to offend the giver of the souvenir. Then after the mandatory waiting period I have forgotten what a good fire it would make, or the whistle has stealthily blended into the surrounding decor so thoroughly that I don’t remember that it’s sentence is up and it gets inadvertently pardoned.

I guess the engineer in me sees something designed for a purpose as useless if it doesn’t achieve that purpose. And the musician in me sees a musical instrument as something to be played, not just looked at- although beautiful craftsmanship seems to enhance the musical experience in my opinion.

7

Oh, yes, that I also get. I don’t know how many “The Ultimately Definitely Best Selection of Irish Pub Songs” / “Romantic Roses of Ireland” etc I have received over the years, all just filled with the same bloody songs over and over again by 152 different interpreters who all do them worse than the Dubliners, Planxty, the Chieftains or Silly Wizard (I know, they’re Scottish, but the manufacturers of these CDs haven’t figured out).

I even at some point found out that there is a band that only play on those kinds of tourist CDs: they’ve never done a gig and don’t exist for other purpose besides giving ITM a bad name.

… but I still love my family. I really do.

8

do you think we could track down the members of that tourist band and “re-educate” them? it’s not like they’re going to have low whistles and flutes and stuff to defend themselves. all they’re going to have is a honky-tonk piano and an accordian. maybe if we’re successful at that, we could throw in some good anarchy at all the sweatshops that make those pitiful flutes and whistles for sale? maybe have an uprising and force the owners to make perfect pitched beautiful flutes and sell them for $1 USD a piece until they make their quota.

9

I’m not sure those tourist whistles are meant to be played. They’re not as much instruments as they are representations of instruments. They’re just souvenirs.

The local culture has an indigenous native music form, which utilizes little flute-like instruments, and this entrances tourists, who want a souvenir, so someone makes little decorated representations of them. Typically, they’re decorated using some indigenous art form.

Nobody really expects you to play them, any more than you are expected to actually USE miniature teaspoons, collectible pins, plastic alligators, and shot glasses from Disneyworld.

I’m sure that if I went through a few kitsch shops over on the beach, I’d be able to find a plastic or bamboo whistle painted with hibiscus and a flamingo.

Everybody needs to earn a living, and it’s a lot more profitable to make it decorating wooden and bamboo whistles than it is to make real ones that play delightfully and bring joy to the masses. After all, not everyone can be Pakistani.

10

Hmmm … Flamingo sounds like fun - but which end would you play?
:laughing:

11

The problem is even worse when you buy you OWN cheap whistles, just because you’re there and you have WHOA! I went to the Annual Conference of our church denomination and bought a bamboo whistle from their little import shop. It could play all the notes but I have to half hole the C and it has the reediness that comes from a too sharp window. All the holes are the same size. I played it a few times, now it’s in a drawer. And I BOUGHT it!
Another time I bought a Walton’s little black whistle at the St. Louis, Missouri arches tourist shop–you guessed it–just because it was there. It was even in the toy section! And–you guessed it–it buzzes so much I couldn’t tell blindfolded if I have a whistle or several wasps in a can.
Why do they make this stuff?
If I manufactured whistles I would certainly check out what people are saying about them.

12

I think Lambchop makes a good point, but I’m not saying they should be selling professional quality instruments, just instruments that play something, even if they play poorly. The instrument I described above- it don’t make no noise. When I was given these things as a child I was always disappointed when they didn’t play, even though I was too young to distinguish whether they played in tune or with good tone or whatever. I realize that it would be too much to ask a sweat-shop worker to make what we, as discerning amateurs and professionals, would consider a good instrument, but I just don’t think it should be that hard to make one that sounds five to eight distictive notes- even if those notes have no diatonic relationship to one another.

By the way, I do my tequilla shots from a souvenir Disneyworld shot glass, mainly because I appreciate the dichotomy. If I could find a good use for the plastic aligator I would use that too, but unfortunately it’s just too small to be believable. The spoons- well, you’ve got me there- I’m just too big a boy to eat my Cheerios one at a time. :slight_smile:

13

A weird fife, made out of stinky black plastic, meant to be representative of colonial instruments, purchased by a friend from the Historic Annapolis Museum. Not that I have an embouchure anyway, even if I could tolerate the smell.

14

hey folks: this is getting a tad bit off subject but…regarding the little spoons. in the 80’s my mother-in-law was in the bahamas and picked up some “unique” spoons to add to her teaspoon collection. she is displaying a couple of coke spoons with the regular spoons. we’re not telling her.

15

Couldn’t she tell by the logo? I mean, it’s kind of obvious. It would be clear that they came from a soda bottler, not the Bahamas.

Love that charming flute-playing koi avatar, by the way! Mmmm!

16

lambchop, are you doing an impression of my mother-in-law? weren’t you around for the 80’s. a coke spoon is not a coca-cola spoon. it’s a cocaine spoon.

17

and lambchop, i found this avatar, the family crest no less! haven’t found the koi playing left-handed flute yet. let me know if you do.

18

I already did devote some time and effort to hunting for you, dear, and you failed to encourage my efforts. Time’s up!

Apparently, I was not around for that part of the '80s.

19

Oh yes. I’ve even made some whistle-things that are way worse than the souvenirs.

I’ve found they make terrific stakes for marking rows in the garden. They look “whimsical” (try finding a catalog that doesn’t use that word). In fact, maybe they’d bring something in one of those upscale homeowners’ catalogs!

Jennie