7 Most Outrageous Hotel Amenities

[mutepointe]

check out the new ways rich people have to spend money

You only get one vote and you know you can't afford that.
You don't get to revote. It's not like any of these places are going to give you a refund.
OK, I will let you make up an 8th Most Outrageous Hotel Amenity.

And folks tried making polls while I was on vacation. I roll my eyes.

[emmline]

And folks tried making polls while I was on vacation. I roll my eyes.

Luckily we didn't notice, because you were on vacation.

The soap's nice. I have one of those corrugated slicers. I bought it at a "Pampered Chef" party. Because I felt bad not buying anything.
But you can get cool soap just like that at Whole Foods Market. Still, I don't want any of the other stuff.
The Barbie suite would kill me in 5 minutes.
My dog hates traveling.

Maybe I'll invent one where you get a personalized ayurvedic consultation.

[Nanohedron]

Underwater Suite, Conrad Maldives - Some sicko with an eye on the future thought that one up. All too soon underwater suites on the Maldives will be no novelty at all.

Barbie Suite, Hotel Athenee - The minibar comes stocked with insulin, I assume.

Pet Psychic, Hotel deLuxe - With a brilliant name like "deLuxe" they may as well have a pet psychic.

Tall Rooms, Epic Hotel - Tall, Epic. Epic, Tall. Again with the name thing. Meh.

Gondola Massage, Loews Coronado Bay Resort - Champagne and strawberries at the end?? That's not sybaritic, it's Lutheran. Plus, the slaves are overdressed, and some "florist" stuck goldenrod in the vases. And it's not even a gondola; it's a barge. That's gonna make your guests feel svelte, all right.

Paraglide Arrival, Six Senses Hideway at Zighy Bay, Oman - Intensive Care Unit and cleaning up after your splatter free of charge.

Soap Concierge, Tides Riveria Maya - "The soaps are all made locally following ancient Mayan recipes." Poppycock. The Celts invented soap. Everyone knows that.

Other - Lemme think about it.

[mutepointe]

Underwater Suite, Conrad Maldives all the way. One of my regular sleep dreams is that the fish have left my aquariums and are on the loose.

[mutepointe]

And folks tried making polls while I was on vacation. I roll my eyes.

Luckily we didn't notice, because you were on vacation.

The soap's nice. I have one of those corrugated slicers. I bought it at a "Pampered Chef" party. Because I felt bad not buying anything.
But you can get cool soap just like that at Whole Foods Market. Still, I don't want any of the other stuff.
The Barbie suite would kill me in 5 minutes.
My dog hates traveling.

Maybe I'll invent one where you get a personalized ayurvedic consultation.

Thank you for ignoring the mutey-wannabes. If I had the the opportunity for the soap slicer, I think that I would want the concierge to earn his money and make me a Dagwood Soap Sandwich by stacking all the different slivers of soap that he had.

[emmline]

Thank you for ignoring the mutey-wannabes.

You misunderstand me. I pitched right in with the substitute pollster. What we didn't notice was your rolling eyes.

[chas]

Underwater Suite, Conrad Maldives Might be kind of cool, but after the storms today, I'm not crazy about being underwater.

Barbie Suite, Hotel Athenee Even my daughter doesn't like Barbie.

Pet Psychic, Hotel deLuxe They want me to FLY WITH MY CATS???

Tall Rooms, Epic Hotel Not necessary, my wife and I are of modest height.

Gondola Massage, Loews Coronado Bay Resort This is the only one that I think I might like, as long as it's a water gondola instead of one of those that's up in the air.

Paraglide Arrival, Six Senses Hideway at Zighy Bay, Oman Acrophobia. No Thanks.

Soap Concierge, Tides Riveria Maya I'm not quite sure what this means. Do they not have soap in the rooms? Crappy soap in the rooms, good soap at the concierge? Does the person soap you personally? Ewww.

[Nanohedron]

Does the person soap you personally? Ewww.

This possibility was not necessarily a negative point for me, as long as I get to say "no" just in case.

[MTGuru]

To heck with all of you. I'm driving over for my gondola massage right now.

[Nanohedron]

To heck with all of you. I'm driving over for my gondola massage right now.

Well, of course. It's in town. Just see if you can get into the champagne and strawberries before the end. Dunno what that's all about; it's not a hot air balloon ride, fercryinoutloud.

I still haven't voted yet. Right now I'm between "Other" and the "Pet Psychic". With the Pet Psychic I could hold up my cat, demand to know what she's thinking, and then say, "LIAR!". As for "Other", I haven't come up with anything yet, but I'm holding out.

[mutepointe]

Now making your pet psychic, that would be the amenity worth having.

[Berti66]

*sigh* and where is that eye rolling smiley when you need it?

I'd vote for a really quiet and peaceful place, somewhere in nature, with good personal services, (including sauna, massage) food and beds.
at an price that would even suit us poor musicians....

could as well be ayurvedic....now that would be cool.
have I now qualified for some free nights, mute, to write an review afterwards?

[emmline]

Now making your pet psychic, that would be the amenity worth having.

Mine are already psychic.

I'm probably a little weird about most "luxuries," because, in general, I don't want the fawning attentions of people I don't know.
Furthermore, I have no extraordinary physical characteristics, and my favorite surroundings, decor-wise, are basic.

But, mute, if you're paying I couldn't turn down a world tour of these:
Really Amazing Places to Go.

Don't make me narrow it down. If I have to: Fine. Here.

[Innocent Bystander]

My most desired hotel amenity?

Some of you guys have been to Ireland, right?

Have you stayed in the dreaded Irish Hotel, out in the wilds somewhere, where they don't get that much hotel trade as such, so they eke out a living by hosting musical evenings?

Which go on until two or three or four o'clock in the morning?

With renditions of "The Lament for Bobby Sands" played at earthquake volume? ("I wish I was back home in Derry" - I wish you were four thousand miles away, you noisy blatherskite.)

My most desired hotel amenity is a good night's sleep. Maybe if I had an underwater suite I wouldn't hear the karaoke.
I'm not the only one to complain about it. The trouble is, the present practice discourages staying guests, so it becomes an amplification spiral.

Okay, a vicious circle, if you must, but it is really an amplification spiral, because it gets worse.

[Nanohedron]

The trouble is, the present practice discourages staying guests, so it becomes an amplification spiral.

Seems like a "Come here. No, go away. Come here. No, go away" sort of thing.