Opinions, please.

[Lambchop]

I made a discovery at work recently, which may or may not be upsetting. I'm seeking opinions as to just how disturbing it should be, if at all. And what to do about it. I'm sure someone here knows--Chiffers know everything.

The discovery was a miniature version of what you see in my avatar. In fact, I initially thought it was one of MY small puppets -- I have the one in my avatar, plus two small ones --which I had taken home when I moved offices recently, but mine are safe at home. She's rather unpleasantly stuck full of pins in strategic and most painful locations. Right through the fleece and into her body.

Each pin has a bit of "gay pride rainbow" ribbon tied on the end. I'm not sure if that makes the problem worse, negates the intent, or what. (I thought it was my too-short hair that was causing all the lesbian ladies to get friendly at the grocery store, but maybe not.)

Yes, I think it is intentional. The question is whether there is anything to do about it.

I thought about dressing up my doll in tinfoil armor . . . or giving her a little mirror to reflect the bad juju back to its source . . .

Any suggestions?

[missy]

If you do figure out who did the deed - I have the "Goddess of Revenge" voodoo doll at work I would gladly loan you.....

[djm]

Better simply to tie a bit of this "gay pride rainbow ribbon" around the neck of your little pal in a bow, or like a scarf (are scarves back in style?). This let's you acknowledge the insult but show that you are above such things, that they can't hurt you.

djm

[emmline]

I like the tinfoil armor idea.
But let me make sure I have this straight (so to speak.)
Your lamb is at the office, so the co-worker must realize you have it and is therefore most likely referencing you with the voodoo version?

Your actual orientation notwithstanding, I'm wondering if the co-worker's intention should be construed as anti-gay, or pro, or is that irrelevant? I'm unclear on that from the brief description of the scenario. I'm guessing anti (?) but I'm not sure.

Regardless, the person appears to have been stunted, in the area of emotional development, at roughly 14. Maybe 15.
I suggest that the tinfoil shows acknowledgment (thus satisfying the person's adolescent wish to get a rise out of someone,) but, being a humorous response, avoids escalating hostilities.

[Innocent Bystander]

"Do you know, I was talking to a friend of mine who is into all that witchcraft business, and they told me that if you don't know what you're doing, it can act REALLY BADLY on the person who's trying to do a spell.
But apparently I have protection against all that stuff."

Don't give any indication of what the protection is.

If fact I'd suggest taking it into the open. If you aren't in a postion to put the offensive doll on your desk, get one like it, resembling it as closely as you can, down to the pins. Put it somewhere prominent and remove the pins over the course of a week. Demonstrate your manifest health and well-being. If something minor happens, like breaking a nail or a pencil-point, laugh loudly and say it's because you are under a curse, and that's the best they can do. Anything major that happens, claim you saw it coming, but didn't want to alarm anyone.

[Denny]

I'd just set one of yours back out
holding a mirror facing away

the tin foil is, IMHO, just over kill

[mutepointe]

Send out some feelers thanking the person who mysteriously surprised you with the addition to your collection. No mention of the pins or ribbons. Let that person be the one to spill the beans and the intentions. Handle yourself with grace and dignity. It's a workplace, not a soap opera.

[Coffee]

I like the aluminum foil idea.

[hyldemoer]

It sounds like a cruel joke to me. People do that sort of thing interpreting it as an expression of their own cleverness.

I believe in the law of "Three Fold" (what goes out multiplies what comes back). I also think a lot of people are very good at hiding how crappy they've personally manipulated their life to be.

Any hoot.
Ask yourself how much of your personal power do you want to waste on this distraction.

If you have friends at your new office, the tin foil thing sounds like a cute way of defending yourself. It might get some of them to join in with good spirit for your defense.

Where I worked I would have documented the doll with photos and then quietly submitted the photos to EEO.

[peeplj]

Send out some feelers thanking the person who mysteriously surprised you with the addition to your collection. No mention of the pins or ribbons. Let that person be the one to spill the beans and the intentions. Handle yourself with grace and dignity. It's a workplace, not a soap opera.

I like this idea quite a lot.

There might be humor in intentionally taking it the wrong way, for instance refer to it as a "BDSM puppet" and if someone mentions voodoo, get all wide-eyed innocent and go "Oh my...really?"

In any case, I wouldn't worry about it. If it does keep bothering you, either eat chocolate or drink cappuccino, your preference. (Neither one is magical, but both will help you feel better through perfectly mundane biochemistry.)

Where I worked I would have documented the doll with photos and then quietly submitted the photos to EEO.

Also not a bad idea, especially if it does really bother you that this happened.

Best wishes,

--James

[djm]

Of course, the best way to avoid opening yourself to this kind of hostility in the first place is not to keep anything of a personal nature at work, such as your little stuffed animal friends. What others don't know about you cannot be used as a handle against you.

Also, the sort of feelings it requires to generate this sort of petty sniping can cost the owner of the pin-doll more in negative energy over time than it will cost you. Consider the long game.

djm

[hyldemoer]

Of course, the best way to avoid opening yourself to this kind of hostility in the first place is not to keep anything of a personal nature at work, such as your little stuffed animal friends. What others don't know about you cannot be used as a handle against you.

That was my approach but it wasn't much of a deterrent to the sickos who felt a need to spread their crummy emotional balance around.
A surprising amount of nasty stuff can be tucked under a car's windshield wipers, taped to the handlebars of a bicycle, "mailed" through the air vent slots of a locker, or placed on one's desk.

Also, the sort of feelings it requires to generate this sort of petty sniping can cost the owner of the pin-doll more in negative energy over time than it will cost you. Consider the long game.

djm

Some times it feels better if the "long game" doesn't look like it'll have to include the next life.

That's why I tried to help it along by documenting and reporting incidents.
If nothing else, should the matter have escalated to actual physical violence to me I'd have proof that it was a long term issue and that I'd sought help through the appropriate channels.

When a person requests a conference with an EEO officer, management has no right to question the request and the whole thing has to be carried out with strict confidence.

The flip side of this however was should anyone be caught in the act of doing something wrong the disciplinary actions were between them and management. It wasn't announced to the whole office unless the guilty person did the blabbing.

It was a no brainer that the amount of procedure talks we received from EEO were probably directly related to the amount of civil rights violations that were reported.
If there was a rash of EEO talks in the office or a lot of EEO posters recently taped to the walls in the break room or washroom, its a given someone had filed reports.

[dwest]

Ferget the foil, go fer a flak jacket, G.I. Joe has them...so I hear.

[Nanohedron]

I made a discovery at work recently, which may or may not be upsetting. I'm seeking opinions as to just how disturbing it should be, if at all. And what to do about it. I'm sure someone here knows--Chiffers know everything.

The discovery was a miniature version of what you see in my avatar. In fact, I initially thought it was one of MY small puppets -- I have the one in my avatar, plus two small ones --which I had taken home when I moved offices recently, but mine are safe at home. She's rather unpleasantly stuck full of pins in strategic and most painful locations. Right through the fleece and into her body.

Each pin has a bit of "gay pride rainbow" ribbon tied on the end. I'm not sure if that makes the problem worse, negates the intent, or what. (I thought it was my too-short hair that was causing all the lesbian ladies to get friendly at the grocery store, but maybe not.)

Yes, I think it is intentional. The question is whether there is anything to do about it.

I thought about dressing up my doll in tinfoil armor . . . or giving her a little mirror to reflect the bad juju back to its source . . .

Any suggestions?

Not enuf info for me to get a better context; are you generally associated with lambkin-thingies such that you are identified with them outside ChiFi?

Where did you discover it? On your desk? On someone else's? Do you know who did it?

I take it that either someone's advances have been unrequited, or you are being phobically singled out as "lesbian". The voodoo-lamb strikes me as a petty, immature, sidelong, and unworthy response whatever the case, IMO. OTOH, if it's supposed to be funny, I don't get it, and don't think anyone should have to accede to what is otherwise incomprehensible.

Anyway, I'm not much one for advice today, being as I'm in a belligerent mood for the time being and would as soon grind mercilessly on some types, publicly and with great relish, as give a passing nod. And I don't recommend that although I wouldn't altogether fault it. But I would more recommend that than playing into the voodo game yourself. Whatever you do, Lamby, make sure YOU set your own ground rules and playing field rather than accepting the invitation to the rules and field offered. If you're mainly troubled and creeped out, I'd speak to a superior if you think s/he can be trusted for competence and to give consideration to the issue. I agree that documentation would not be amiss; you may be looking at a harrassment issue a-borning. You never know.

Or, you could thank the giver for another lamb puppet (it being Xmas and all), and goodness knows you needed the pins for your latest sewing project.

[Doc Jones]

When someone does something which may be intended to be hurtful I ask myself these two questions:

Is this person intentionally doing something to try to hurt me? In other words, is this a person who is unkind and does not have my best interest at heart? Or, more succinctly, is this person a jerk?

Having answered this questions for myself, I ask the next question:

Am I really interested in allowing a jerk (or worse) to control my thoughts, feelings or behaviors in any way. If the person would be gratified by my fussing about it or dwelling on it...do I wish to gratify such a person?

I advise that you not empower those who seek to upset you. They aren't worth it certainly dont' deserve the positive reinforcement.

None of the foregoing advice is meant to dissuade you from helping someone get fired or arrested if it's appropriate. But even that should be done as dispassionately as possible to deny them the "rise out of you" they are seeking.

Doc