What if you host a party and no one comes?

BillChin · Post by **BillChin** » Sat Oct 25, 2008 8:40 am

Weekend article in the NY Times about a person in Toronto who hosts a party to meet some of his virtual friends in person. With 700 Facebook friends, he is curious about how many would show up in person.

From (free registration required)
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/26/magaz ... ves-t.html

After a week the responses stopped coming in and were ready to be tabulated. Fifteen people said they were attending, and 60 said maybe. A few hundred said not, and the rest just ignored the invitation altogether. I figured that about 20 people would show up. That sounded pretty good to me. Twenty potential new friends.

On the evening in question I took a shower. I shaved. I splashed on my tingly man perfume. I put on new pants and a favorite shirt. Brimming with optimism, I headed over to the neighborhood watering hole and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Eventually, one person showed up.

I think that if the host was female, at least the attendance would have been much higher, though not of the best possible nature.

In my own life, I can remember a couple of incidents from years ago. I was the only guest at an Oscar party, I even baked a cake for that. I remember flaking out on a casual friend when invited to his party in college, and wonder how many were at that event.

It can be a distressing feeling to host or be at a party that almost no one is at. Ever happen to you? Tell me your stories.

Innocent Bystander · Post by **Innocent Bystander** » Sat Oct 25, 2008 9:08 am

When my Father died, there was a massive funeral, and a big church service. We expected loads of people to come back to the house afterwards and had laid on lots of food.

No-one did. We ended up taking the food down to the shelter for the homeless.

Redwolf · Post by **Redwolf** » Sat Oct 25, 2008 9:12 am

That happened to me at the first (and last) party we hosted in North Carolina. Only three people RSVPed (one negative, two positive), which should have told me something, and of those, only one showed up. In a similar situation today, I think I'd set a minimum number of positive responses required for the party to go on.

The poor Facebook guy, though...he got enough positive answers for him to assume that there'd be a good turnout. That would be terribly disappointing.

Redwolf

mutepointe · Post by **mutepointe** » Sat Oct 25, 2008 10:58 am

In our younger days, we had the best of parties. At this time in our lives, a small dinner with family or friends is the best of times. With either of these choices, fire is always a fun booster.

susnfx · Post by **susnfx** » Sat Oct 25, 2008 11:21 am

Oh, this brought back a memory that still haunts me. In the 60s we were living in a little town (1500 pop.) in the middle of nowhere in southern Utah. Somehow my mother got wrangled into giving a Tupperware party. However, a week or two before she had hers planned, and before her invitations had gone out, another woman in town gave a Tupperware party. I don't know the exact details, but my mom felt like she couldn't back out on the promise she'd given to host her party. She made refreshments, cleaned the house, and had promises from people who said they'd come, even though they'd already gone to the first party.

I still remember walking in and seeing my mom sitting there with her two best friends, almost lost among all the chairs she'd set up, listening to the lady give her Tupperware presentation. To this day it makes me want to cry. I felt so bad for her. I think I'd have felt better if it had happened to me instead of her.

Susan

izzarina · Post by **izzarina** » Sat Oct 25, 2008 11:29 am

I think this particular party is a bit different than your average, run of the mill party. He invited Facebook friends, which means he probably doesn't even know a goodly portion of them...they are just internet friends. Many people are very hesitant to put their online persona into the real world, if that makes sense. I don't think I would have gone, since it was a Facebook acquaintance.

Innocent Bystander · Post by **Innocent Bystander** » Sat Oct 25, 2008 11:59 am

izzarina wrote:I think this particular party is a bit different than your average, run of the mill party. He invited Facebook friends, which means he probably doesn't even know a goodly portion of them...they are just internet friends. Many people are very hesitant to put their online persona into the real world, if that makes sense. I don't think I would have gone, since it was a Facebook acquaintance.

Absolutely. It simply draws attention to the fact - that no-one ever doubted - that friends on Contactor sites are not friends in the true sense of the word.

Martin Milner · Post by **Martin Milner** » Sat Oct 25, 2008 12:04 pm

I avoid parties generally, so I probably wouldn't have turned up either.

Why I avoid them is a combination of factors - I dislike crowds, lots of background noise, meeting lots of people for the first and probably last time, making small talk, being asked questions by people who aren't really interested in the answers, and the feeling I get about 15-30 minutes into a party that I've had enough already.

My middle brother had a 21st Birthday party at college that nobody turned up to, apart from our eldest brother who was staying the weekend. The eldest (Richard) told me about it years later, and still cringed at the memory. I'm just glad I wasn't invited.

Some people make great hosts and hostesses, and can make a party fun even if only a couple of people turn up. I lack all the skills required to throw a good party, including the desire to do so.

djm · Post by **djm** » Sat Oct 25, 2008 12:05 pm

I have only been to a few, but the best parties I have ever attended were the ones with only three or four couples, and most there were at least acquanted with each other, and no-one was made to feel left out. We were few of us from the same work or backgrounds, so the topics of conversation were wide-ranging and interesting. Expecting to have something like that come out of a roomful of total strangers is, I think, too much.

djm

BillChin · Post by **BillChin** » Sat Oct 25, 2008 12:16 pm

izzarina wrote:I think this particular party is a bit different than your average, run of the mill party. He invited Facebook friends, which means he probably doesn't even know a goodly portion of them...they are just internet friends. Many people are very hesitant to put their online persona into the real world, if that makes sense. I don't think I would have gone, since it was a Facebook acquaintance.

It is disconcerting to me, that in my posted story 13 people said they were "definitely coming" and did not show, or possibly peeked in and left without saying hello when there was no crowd.

Something similar happened with another Internet forum that I frequent. There was an event that quite a few forum members were going to attend. One of the veteran posters offered to pick up the tab for lunch for anyone that would have lunch with him. About eight said they would go. When it came time, only two showed up for lunch, though about the eight did have the courtesy to stop and say hello skipping the lunch.

I thought saying yes, and not showing up was more of a regional values type of thing. I was surprised this happened in Toronto. Maybe it is more of an age thing, and the younger crowd on Facebook think nothing of saying yes and ditching. Hard to say. I doesn't bother me as much that no one showed up, it is the large percentage that said they would and didn't.

Doug_Tipple · Post by **Doug_Tipple** » Sat Oct 25, 2008 12:30 pm

Rejection is never an easy pill to swallow. Potential friends are invited to a social occasion, and by their actions they indicate that they aren't interested. Of course, they will never tell you the truth about why they aren't interested, not would you want them too. Oh well, that's human nature, I guess.

Tonight my wife and I are going to a bonfire party given by one of her friends at work. My wife feels that she is obligated to attend, although she would rather not go. Last year we were out of town, so we had a good excuse. The year before I remember we were sitting in the hosts' garage, trying to stay warm. A woman at our table opened her large purse and pulled out a photo album to share with others at our table. They were photos of her dog in funny hats and costumes. So, I found myself trying to be nice, and I did look at some of the photos, at least. However, I was looking at my watch, wondering how long we had to stay so that it wouldn't look too impolite if we left early. I didn't want to talk about politics or religion, that is for sure. And, frankly, I was not very interested in the latest activities at the Chevrolet plant where many of the people worked. I felt out of place. I can see why people are hesitant to accept an invitation to a house party unless you know the people well and have a lot in common.

emmline · Post by **emmline** » Sat Oct 25, 2008 1:40 pm

Does this mean that if I host the Global Chiff Convention no one will come?

izzarina · Post by **izzarina** » Sat Oct 25, 2008 1:43 pm

emmline wrote:Does this mean that if I host the Global Chiff Convention no one will come?

Nah...I'll come, emm. I'll even bring the cookies.

izzarina · Post by **izzarina** » Sat Oct 25, 2008 1:49 pm

BillChin wrote: It is disconcerting to me, that in my posted story 13 people said they were "definitely coming" and did not show, or possibly peeked in and left without saying hello when there was no crowd.

I agree, it is disconcerting, and I think had it been me I would have taken it very personally. But I do think it's more because it's a Facebook thing. You had mentioned age, and that very well could be the problem. Many of these potential "yes"es were more than likely teenaged or early 20's in college. Also, I have seen some of the events that pop up on Facebook, and when you click the "yes, I am going to attend" button, you don't always think about the fact that it might actually be a REAL event, and not just some virtual Facebook event. Some events can be "attended" wherever you are and do not require a meeting place. But in the end, I tend to think it's age, and not necessarily location, that is the key factor in no one coming.

chas · Post by **chas** » Sat Oct 25, 2008 2:41 pm

emmline wrote:Does this mean that if I host the Global Chiff Convention no one will come?

I'd not only come, I'd bring the beer.