Devondancer update

anniemcu · Post by **anniemcu** » Sun Oct 05, 2008 7:00 pm

devondancer wrote:I was called back to the hospital late last night as Lesley was very ill, and have just got home now, (2130) having left her a little more stable. She just will not give up. She fights so hard and you can see the struggle she is putting up. She is just amazing, and still with me, which is the most wonderful part. Having stabilised, at last, I hope she will start to improve again. I don't know what sort of life she will come back to, if she does, but she will make as much of it as it is humanly possible to do, and more.

Thank you all for your wonderful support. I am just so sorry to keep on and on putting you through all this, but I don't think I could do it myself without you all, and I have to be there somehow, for Lesley. I am so grateful to you all.

Roland

As many of us have agreed, that's what friends are for, and that's proof that even in the cyber community, you can meet real people with real lives and real hearts. I care deeply about you both, and if by anything I can say, offer, do, suggest, share or pray, I can help in any way at all, that's the idea.

Hugs to you both,
Sarah

lalit · Post by **lalit** » Sun Oct 05, 2008 11:59 pm

I haven't had much leisure time to participate on the board lately, but have been following this thread and thinking of you and Lesley often. Just wanted to let you know, and to send more good wishes to you both.

Doc Jones · Post by **Doc Jones** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 7:51 am

devondancer wrote:I was called back to the hospital late last night as Lesley was very ill, and have just got home now, (2130) having left her a little more stable. She just will not give up. She fights so hard and you can see the struggle she is putting up. She is just amazing, and still with me, which is the most wonderful part. Having stabilised, at last, I hope she will start to improve again. I don't know what sort of life she will come back to, if she does, but she will make as much of it as it is humanly possible to do, and more.

Thank you all for your wonderful support. I am just so sorry to keep on and on putting you through all this, but I don't think I could do it myself without you all, and I have to be there somehow, for Lesley. I am so grateful to you all.

Roland

We're not going anywhere Roland. Give Lesley our love.

Doc

gregdidge · Post by **gregdidge** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 8:21 am

devondancer wrote: I am just so sorry to keep on and on putting you through all this,

Roland, We are all here because we care about Lesley and you. You are not overloading us with posts. You need a place to be able to share whats going on, to vent frustrations, and to get support. This thread is the one thread I always check, every time I log into the C&F. Lesley and you are in my prayers. I wish I could do more.
So, keep going on an on! I'm going through this with you because I choose to. I want to share the ups and downs with you. I don't always post frequently because I many times don't know what to say. but you are in my thoughts and prayers.

anniemcu · Post by **anniemcu** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 8:50 am

gregdidge wrote:... I'm going through this with you because I choose to. I want to share the ups and downs with you. ...

That's it. Exactly.

devondancer · Post by **devondancer** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:29 pm

Thank you all, from my heart. I am rich in friends here.

And good news tonight - Lesley is awake again and has been talking! As usual, she needed to write something down, couldn't, and was able to dictate it to me, to her relief. (Not music, this time, so easier for me!)

She was so relieved to have "got this off her chest" that she slept for the rest of the day, to everyone's delight. She is not out of the woods by any means, but she has a chance again, a chance she has earned by fighting! We hope she will continue to sleep and give herself a further chance. She is unbelievably frail now, after such a long struggle, and days each time without food - I have no idea how I will ever get her back to normal, but we will try, together, if she stays. She is not ready to leave me yet, I think.

Her words:

Music.
I remember music.
High notes soaring
Impossibly higher
In heartbreakingly glorious harmonies,
To a place invisible,
Intangible,
Where I, who cannot make
Music of such sweetness to
Tear the heart,
May not enter
Until I too play those notes.
Yet I have listened.
For a while I craved
A place here,
Heartsease, but
Old tunes called me,
Music of people,
Rooted in our moors and oceans,
The land I love.

My deep and grateful thanks.

Roland

aderyn_du · Post by **aderyn_du** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 2:01 pm

Such beautiful words Lesley has uttered. My thoughts and energy are still winging their way to both of you!

mutepointe · Post by **mutepointe** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 3:33 pm

Such lovely words. For someone on pain medication (I'm guessing) she's doing good.

tansy · Post by **tansy** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 4:14 pm

I've been away from wifi for a week. Give Lesley a love from me and as always my heart is with you both.
All the best, Tansy

anniemcu · Post by **anniemcu** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 9:11 pm

Lovely words, thoughts, feelings there. I'm praying she gets to write many, many more.

Love to you both! And a burst of strength, hope, resolve, courage, patience and joy.

Cork · Post by **Cork** » Mon Oct 06, 2008 11:02 pm

gregdidge wrote:
devondancer wrote: I am just so sorry to keep on and on putting you through all this,
Roland, We are all here because we care about Lesley and you. You are not overloading us with posts. You need a place to be able to share whats going on, to vent frustrations, and to get support. This thread is the one thread I always check, every time I log into the C&F. Lesley and you are in my prayers. I wish I could do more.
So, keep going on an on! I'm going through this with you because I choose to. I want to share the ups and downs with you. I don't always post frequently because I many times don't know what to say. but you are in my thoughts and prayers.

+1

I, too, wish I could do more.

The prose she discovered, which you then rendered, BTW, is beautiful.

:-)

devondancer · Post by **devondancer** » Tue Oct 07, 2008 12:32 pm

Lesley was very sleepy and dopey today - partly medication, although they are keeping that to a minimum because of her reactions to it. She kept asking if I'd written her notes down, because "she was afraid of forgetting what it was like." I reassured her, but she asked again and again, obviously afraid of losing something very special to her. I know that once before she talked of "angel music" and couldn't rest until she had written it down. She doesn't seem to "see" things when so ill, but to "hear" them. I don't know how much is real and how much the drugs, but it is very important to her, and strange and rather unsettling to me. I have had no similar experience, nor have I known anyone else speak of one, and I don't quite know what to think about it. The main thing is that it is so real to her.

She remains very ill, but is stable still, despite the dopiness, which the staff tell me is quite normal. I find it hard, as she is normally so alert, even when she has just come round. This is not like her, but I suppose the months of illness have taken so much out of her. I still don't know how I am ever going to get her well again, once she comes home: she is just so frail now. The physiotherapy is cancelled for the foreseeable future, as it seems unlikely that she will cope with that for a long time.

Despite her improvement I found it hard to be optimistic today: she has such a mountain to climb to gain even some semblance of normality. Once she wakes up a bit and is optimistic herself I shall feel better, I'm sure, but at present I hope the pull of "the land she loves" will outweigh the chance for her to "play those notes" herself. I am frightened for her tonight. Presumably I also am tired and hungry, both of which I shall now rectify, but . . .

Please continue to think of her. She needs us all.

Roland

Innocent Bystander · Post by **Innocent Bystander** » Tue Oct 07, 2008 12:47 pm

We're thinking of you both, Roland.

Cork · Post by **Cork** » Tue Oct 07, 2008 12:59 pm

She hears music? For a musician, that's altogether normal. Good musicians commonly have something like a photographic memory when it comes to tunes, instant recall. Like so many others, no doubt, there's usually a tune of some kind or another in my head, all day long.

Moreover, musicians tend to perceive their world through music, and in extreme moments, such as Lesley could now experience, it's simply likely that she'd have a musical interpretation of her experience. Is it important? Yes, absolutely, and I encourage your efforts to help her capture the moment.

Beyond that, however, it might be better to forget about that "mountain" she faces, and to take the matter one day at a time, without "objectives" to accomplish, instead, please.

My best to both of you.

:-)

devondancer · Post by **devondancer** » Tue Oct 07, 2008 3:31 pm

Easier said than done, Cork. Once she is home she is my responsibility, and if you saw her at the moment I think you might feel the same. How on earth do I care for my beloved wife well enough to help her get better? I know the "one day at a time" bit, but it is terrifying.
Roland