Snicker... Blonde Jokes...

anniemcu · Post by **anniemcu** » Mon Dec 10, 2007 6:46 pm

I are naturly blonde-like, so I get to post them. So there!

A Blonde's Year in Review

January

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February

Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels ..... Helllloooo !
....... bottles won't fit in printer !

March

Got really excited ..... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months ..... box said
"2-4 years" !

April

Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out !

May

Tried to make Kool-Aid .... wrong instructions .... 8 cups of water won't
fit into those little packets !

June

Tried to go water skiing ....... couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July

Lost breast stroke swimming competition .... learned later, the other
swimmers cheated. They used their arms !

August

Got locked out of my car in rain storm ....

car swamped because soft-top was open.

September

The capital of California is "C" ..... isn't it ???

October

Hate M & M's .... they are so hard to peel.

November

Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .... instructions said 1 hour per pound, and I weigh 108 !

December

Couldn't call 911 . "Duh"..... there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone !

THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female
neighbor came out of the house and went straig ht to the mailbox.

She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and
again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she
went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again,
marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than
ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

CHasR · Post by **CHasR** » Mon Dec 10, 2007 7:00 pm

SO this huge stretch limo pulls into idle in front of Chase Manhattan bank, AND this blonde struts in... bling, fur, etc, etc.
Sits herself down & asks for the manager, who comes right away.
"I'd like a 500K loan."
'Yes, Ma'am" replies he, and writes her up.
'ma'am since youre a new customer, do you have any collateral', he asks

'OF COURSE I DO', she miffs, and motions to the idling limo, 'You can have my car. It has simply everything, dahling, you know, wet bar, hi tech, whatever", and exhales her cigarette. "here's the keys".

So the manager has one of his staff check it out, it's primo, and he has the driver pull it around the back and parked in the bank's lot.

'OK, here's your cash, Ma'am" and the blonde walks out.

A month later she comes back in again, and plops down $500,500.00
"There. Here's your loan repaid in full and the interest also."

So the manager closes the loan and has the limo pulled around front, and hands her the keys. She struts out.

Now completely confused, the manager runs after her, and stops her at the door:
'I'm sorry, Ma'am, I just have to know. Is there something illegal going on here? Is the bank going to be implicated in anything?'

"Silly man", she says.

"Where else in Manhattan can I park my stretch limo for only $500 a month????"

anniemcu · Post by **anniemcu** » Mon Dec 10, 2007 7:14 pm

CHasR wrote:SO this huge stretch limo pulls into idle in front of Chase Manhattan bank, AND this blonde struts in... bling, fur, etc, etc.
Sits herself down & asks for the manager, who comes right away.
"I'd like a 500K loan."
'Yes, Ma'am" replies he, and writes her up.
'ma'am since youre a new customer, do you have any collateral', he asks

'OF COURSE I DO', she miffs, and motions to the idling limo, 'You can have my car. It has simply everything, dahling, you know, wet bar, hi tech, whatever", and exhales her cigarette. "here's the keys".

So the manager has one of his staff check it out, it's primo, and he has the driver pull it around the back and parked in the bank's lot.

'OK, here's your cash, Ma'am" and the blonde walks out.

A month later she comes back in again, and plops down $500,500.00
"There. Here's your loan repaid in full and the interest also."

So the manager closes the loan and has the limo pulled around front, and hands her the keys. She struts out.

Now completely confused, the manager runs after her, and stops her at the door:
'I'm sorry, Ma'am, I just have to know. Is there something illegal going on here? Is the bank going to be implicated in anything?'

"Silly man", she says.

"Where else in Manhattan can I park my stretch limo for only $500 a month????"

Yup.. blonde as a fox, that one.

lordofthestrings · Post by **lordofthestrings** » Mon Dec 10, 2007 10:17 pm

A blonde walks into a bar... the brunette ducks...

Will O'B · Post by **Will O'B** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 8:30 am

Proof that a blonde has been using your computer? You'll find white-out on your monitor screen.

Flogging Jason · Post by **Flogging Jason** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 9:13 am

I know lots of blond jokes...but they're not appropriate for the board

jbarter · Post by **jbarter** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 10:04 am

Flogging Jason wrote:I know lots of blond jokes...but they're not appropriate for the board

Dale, we need a new forum.

fyffer · Post by **fyffer** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 10:19 am

I wasn't even looking, and I found this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YbvraOBaMM

Had to edit when I found this one, too: And it's not even a joke!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNjeFUfJ88w

trill · Post by **trill** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 11:12 am

let's not forget these....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5C0i9SZq ... re=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F226lI-l ... re=related

djm · Post by **djm** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 11:24 am

Who cares whether she got the answer right? When you're that good looking you're guaranteed to make a fortune in America's rich and prospering porno industry.

djm

CHasR · Post by **CHasR** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 12:05 pm

CHasR · Post by **CHasR** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 12:06 pm

djm wrote:Who cares whether she got the answer right? When you're that good looking you're guaranteed to make a fortune in America's rich and prospering porno industry.
djm

It's the new steel!

djm · Post by **djm** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 12:18 pm

If that's the new steel, is this the new gas industry?

(Warning: content may be offensive to the tea drinker set)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpRthRsWkXo

djm

Wanderer · Post by **Wanderer** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 12:55 pm

blonde mic check
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQJpmWJEKlk

MagicSailor · Post by **MagicSailor** » Tue Dec 11, 2007 4:59 pm

Hi

What do you call an intelligent blonde?

Select the box to see the answer:

A Golden Retreiver

What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down?

Select the box to see the answer:

A brunette with bad breath.

Regards,

Owen Morgan

Yacht Magic
Anchored in the lagoon, St Maarten

My new blog.
Click here for my latest reported position. (Use the satellite view.)

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