I'll probably need some of those prayers and whatnot. UPDATE

chas · Post by **chas** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 9:55 am

Good on you, man. Good on your mother, too. Y'all are lucky to have each other.

Innocent Bystander · Post by **Innocent Bystander** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 10:10 am

fearfaoin wrote: Honestly, I don't understand the "choice" camp. Who in their right
mind would choose to subject themselves to that kind of hate if it
could be avoided by simply going along with cultural expectations?

Hear Hear!
Never mind the hate, the difficulties are quite enough ( I imagine).

I'm glad it hasn't been the End of the World.
Congratulations, Congratulations!

Congratulations · Post by **Congratulations** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 10:28 am

Yes, it's really turned out much better than I'd expected. Thank you all for being so supportive!

Jack · Post by **Jack** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 10:33 am

Yes, baby steps. But one reassuring thing I can tell you is that EVERYBODY in your family knows already. From the 5 year old cousin you never see to your dear old grandmother--everybody, and probably the neighbors, too. That their son is a homo is not something that hasn't been thought about and whispered about for years, believe-you-me.

Families, even the most dysfunctional and corrupt (and yours doesn't even seem to be that way, from what I know from you) don't let things like this go unknown. They don't ever come right out and ask you, of course, because things like this are not nice to ask people, but they do know.

So you aren't telling them something they don't know, you're likely just finally confirming it. That their son is a homosexual won't be a total shock to anybody. It very rarely is, unless you haven't seen your family in decades or they're all blind, or something along those lines.

I'm praying for you. I'm convinced that God is holding you and allowing everything to be ok in the end. Even if your entire family shuns you, kicks you out, and drives you psycho, you have people at C&F who will make sure you're safe, have a place to stay, and get mentally healthy. I promise: I speak from experience.

JessieK · Post by **JessieK** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 11:01 am

missy wrote:The ones that take some moral or other stance aren't worth worrying over. It's their loss, not yours.

That's easy in the brain, but not in the heart. When someone we love doesn't accept us, it hurts.

That said, congratulations, Congratulations!

My grandparents had a very hard time when my aunt came out to them. For years, they didn't embrace her partners as they embraced my dad's wife (my mom), and perhaps the lack of familial validation contributed to the failure of some relationships. But life is long. My grandmother has now embraced my aunt and her extended family so deeply that she bought them a house where they (my grandmother, my aunt and her partner, and sometimes her partner's children and/or grandchildren) live together. My grandmother is completely involved in their lives and has taken back every negative thing she ever said about my aunt's orientation. So, sometimes difficult people come around.

I hope this inspires you as you continue to come out to family members.

djm · Post by **djm** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 11:03 am

fearfaoin wrote:Who in their right mind would choose to subject themselves to that kind of hate if it could be avoided by simply going along with cultural expectations?

Yes, but its a dry hate.

djm

Tyler · Post by **Tyler** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 11:04 am

::rimshot::

Jack · Post by **Jack** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 11:05 am

JessieK wrote:
missy wrote:The ones that take some moral or other stance aren't worth worrying over. It's their loss, not yours.
That's easy in the brain, but not in the heart. When someone we love doesn't accept us, it hurts.

Jessie, I'm so glad you said this. I echo it fifty million times in the strongest way possible.

dyersituations · Post by **dyersituations** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 11:20 am

I hope everything turns out well for you. This is a hard issue for many people, and good job on working it out. Have great and happy holidays!

-Casey

jsluder · Post by **jsluder** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 11:37 am

Way to go, Congrats! That was a brave thing to do, and it sounds like you handled it quite well.

Joseph E. Smith · Post by **Joseph E. Smith** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 11:51 am

Way to go Congrats. Ummm, baby steps? Is your mom the kind who takes baby steps? $5 says she'll phone everybody in the family (and maybe a few who are not) by this time tomorrow.

Good on you, mate!

missy · Post by **missy** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 12:17 pm

Cranberry wrote:
JessieK wrote:
missy wrote:The ones that take some moral or other stance aren't worth worrying over. It's their loss, not yours.
That's easy in the brain, but not in the heart. When someone we love doesn't accept us, it hurts.
Jessie, I'm so glad you said this. I echo it fifty million times in the strongest way possible.

Oh, I know it's hard and hurts. BTDT, got a whole wardrobe for t-shirts.

But, at least in my case, the above stance was the only way to get through it. Doesn't mean I don't think of "what ifs" once in a while, but I no longer let it depress me, nor do I let myself dwell on her actions.

carrie · Post by **carrie** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 12:27 pm

Well done! Mensches all around.

The minister at my church is a lesbian. She told me once that when she was coming out she realized that the knowledge of her orientation was not something she owed to anyone--it was a gift of sharing. I suppose your mother will tell whom she pleases, but it still seems to me like it is your gift to give or not.

I'm happy for you.

Carol

Congratulations · Post by **Congratulations** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 12:46 pm

Joseph E. Smith wrote:Way to go Congrats. Ummm, baby steps? Is your mom the kind who takes baby steps? $5 says she'll phone everybody in the family (and maybe a few who are not) by this time tomorrow.

Good on you, mate!

My mom certainly is that type of person, and she probably would have done that if I hadn't asked her not to.

Wanderer · Post by **Wanderer** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 1:34 pm

I'm glad everything seems to have gone well. I'm sure that you were really worried!