A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire plant behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides that he should see this for himself so the two men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Elmos all over the floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands the new employee.
She has a roll of red plush fabric and a big bag of marbles.
The men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face," but I think you misunderstood me yesterday.
Your job is to give each Elmo two test tickles."
My New Favorite Joke
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raindog1970
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My New Favorite Joke
Regards,
Gary Humphrey
♪♣♫Humphrey Whistles♫♣♪
[Raindogs] The ones you see wanderin' around after a rain. Ones that can't find their way back home. See the rain washes off the scent off all the mail boxes and the lamposts, fire hydrants. – Tom Waits
Gary Humphrey
♪♣♫Humphrey Whistles♫♣♪
[Raindogs] The ones you see wanderin' around after a rain. Ones that can't find their way back home. See the rain washes off the scent off all the mail boxes and the lamposts, fire hydrants. – Tom Waits
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BrassBlower
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https://www.facebook.com/4StringFantasy
I do not feel obliged to believe that that same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-Galileo
I do not feel obliged to believe that that same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-Galileo
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Louigi Verona
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Flyingcursor
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Innocent Bystander
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This was supposed to be one I couldn't tell my mother, but she liked it.
A travelling Saleswoman (don't ask me, I didn't make it up) is travelling in the depths of rural Ireland. Lisburn, probably. She stops at a lonely farm. Her car needs repaired and she is compelled to spend the night at the same lonely farm, where there are two muscular farmers and only one bed. The farmers are called Mick and Pat. There only are two names for males in Ireland.
So the travelling saleswoman says: "I don't feel absolutely safe in this bed with you two gentlemen, so if you'll kindly equip yourselves with one of these each, I'll sleep a bit more peaceably, when I can sleep at all." "these" being objects made of thin rubber, which of course no-one on this list has ever heard of. So they do as she requires, and there is a fair amount of exercise, and a good time is had by all, and sleep, when it arrives, is deep and peaceful. In the morning the Saleswoman's car is repaired, and she bids the farmers a distant farewell.
Two weeks later, Mick and Pat are working in the fields. Digging. (It's Ireland, remember?)
Pat is thoughtful.
"Mick," sez he, "Do you remember that sinful Protestant Woman?"
"I do indeed," sez Mick.
"Mick," sez he, "Do you mind them sinful appliances she had us wear?"
"I do, rightly," sez Mick.
"Mick," sez he, "tell, me now. Do you really care if that sinful Protestant woman gets pregnant?"
"Well, Pat," sez his brother, "it comes to me now that I do not."
"Me neither," sez Pat. "Let's take the damn things off!"
A travelling Saleswoman (don't ask me, I didn't make it up) is travelling in the depths of rural Ireland. Lisburn, probably. She stops at a lonely farm. Her car needs repaired and she is compelled to spend the night at the same lonely farm, where there are two muscular farmers and only one bed. The farmers are called Mick and Pat. There only are two names for males in Ireland.
So the travelling saleswoman says: "I don't feel absolutely safe in this bed with you two gentlemen, so if you'll kindly equip yourselves with one of these each, I'll sleep a bit more peaceably, when I can sleep at all." "these" being objects made of thin rubber, which of course no-one on this list has ever heard of. So they do as she requires, and there is a fair amount of exercise, and a good time is had by all, and sleep, when it arrives, is deep and peaceful. In the morning the Saleswoman's car is repaired, and she bids the farmers a distant farewell.
Two weeks later, Mick and Pat are working in the fields. Digging. (It's Ireland, remember?)
Pat is thoughtful.
"Mick," sez he, "Do you remember that sinful Protestant Woman?"
"I do indeed," sez Mick.
"Mick," sez he, "Do you mind them sinful appliances she had us wear?"
"I do, rightly," sez Mick.
"Mick," sez he, "tell, me now. Do you really care if that sinful Protestant woman gets pregnant?"
"Well, Pat," sez his brother, "it comes to me now that I do not."
"Me neither," sez Pat. "Let's take the damn things off!"
Wizard needs whiskey, badly!
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Louigi Verona
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BrassBlower
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*rimshot*flanum wrote:Heard in Milltown!
Q.Whats yellow and smells like white paint?
A.Yellow paint!
https://www.facebook.com/4StringFantasy
I do not feel obliged to believe that that same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-Galileo
I do not feel obliged to believe that that same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-Galileo