Years ago one of my patient's was describing a sort of depressed relative of hers. She said "She's always waddling in self pity". I thought that was a particularly visual image...
My son is a paramedic. On one call they picked up a lady and were questioning her about meds she took. They were puzzled by "peanut butterball"... until they realized she meant phenobarbital...
Tell us something.: This is the first sentence. This is the second of the recommended sentences intended to thwart spam its. This is a third, bonus sentence!
One of our resident doctors was volunteering at the Cleveland Free Clinic years ago. One day he was speaking with a young woman who was having abdominal pain and cramps. The exam rooms were really cubicles with with a curtain over the opening. So, trying to approach the subject of menstruation delicately he asked the patient, "How is your flow?"
"Huh?", she said.
"How is your flow?" he asked again, a little louder.
Again she replied, "Huh?"
The doctor the asked again, loudly, "How is your flow?"
"Oh, my flow," she answered, "my flow's linoleum."
Mike
This one's weird:
My daughter, at 3 or 4, insisting that she wanted "3 little erasers." Took us a while until she finally pulled out a vanilla wafers box.
Once saw a lady in the local DMV, trying to fill out paperwork. She looked at it in disgust and said "This is so flustrating."
Tell us something.: I've picked up the tinwhistle again after several years, and have recently purchased a Chieftain v5 from Kerry Whistles that I cannot wait to get (why can't we beam stuff yet, come on Captain Kirk, get me my Low D!)
Just shy of two years ago my wife had to go under the knife for a surgery...when she came out she was disoriented for extended periods of time. When I returned to her hospital room the following day after work she said she was still disoriented and she told me "The doctor says it's because I had a small alergic reaction to the encyclopedia." (anesthesia) I thought she was still a little gonzo from the surgery so I let it slide...then on the way home that night I got what she was trying to tell me...I LMAO!
“First lesson: money is not wealth; Second lesson: experiences are more valuable than possessions; Third lesson: by the time you arrive at your goal it’s never what you imagined it would be so learn to enjoy the process” - unknown
The encyclopedia bit reminded me of a story Dick Van Dyke tells of a Sunday School class where the teacher told a class of young children that if they wanted more information about something-or-other they were discussing they could look it up in the encyclopedia. She then asked, "Do any of you have encyclopedias at home?" One little girl piped up and said, "Oh, yes, my mama knits them all the time!"
Once in awhile I still find myself trying to work out what she thought encyclopedias were...
Susan
Speaking of Sunday School stories...a teacher asked the kids if they knew what God's name was. One little boy replied, "Andy?" The teacher asked why he thought God's name was Andy. The boy replied, "well, that's what it says in the Hymn book." The teacher asked which song. The boy replied. "I Come to the Garden Alone...it says, 'and he walks with me and he talks with me, and he tells me I am his own.'"