Lord, I need a good laugh

Will O'B · Post by **Will O'B** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 11:52 am

Enough pity. Anyone know any good jokes?? or any ggod cartoons? Let's hear/see 'em.

Will O'ban

s1m0n · Post by **s1m0n** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 11:57 am

I laughed my head off at Lambchop's story in the TMI thread

flanum · Post by **flanum** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 12:05 pm

An inflatable pupil goes to his inflatable school and is having a really bad day. Bored in his history lesson, he gets up and walks out. Walking down the corridor, he sees the inflatable headmaster walking towards him and he pulls a knife out and stabs him.

He runs out of the school. As he gets outside, he thinks again "I hate
school" and pulls his knife out and stabs the inflatable school. He runs off to his inflatable home.

Two hours later, his inflatable mum is knocking at his inflatable bedroom door with the inflatable police. Panicking, inflatable boy pulls out the knife and stabs himself.

Later on that evening, he wakes up in an inflatable hospital and sees the inflatable headmaster in the inflatable bed next to him. Shaking his deflated head, more in sorrow than in anger, the headmaster gravely intones:

"You've not only let me down; you've let the school down, but worst of all, you've let yourself down".

Bloomfield · Post by **Bloomfield** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 12:10 pm

Bloomfield · Post by **Bloomfield** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 12:23 pm

GaryKelly · Post by **GaryKelly** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 12:25 pm

Bloomfield wrote:

"Yo' Honour, Ah intend to prove that the deefendant called my client, not once, but three times, a Ho!"

bradhurley · Post by **bradhurley** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 12:29 pm

Q: How do you get an Irishman started in a small business?

A: Give him a big one, and wait.

And another:

Q: How do Canadians spell "Canada?"

A: C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?

NicoMoreno · Post by **NicoMoreno** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 12:37 pm

What's blue and fuzzy?

Blue Fuzz!

flanum · Post by **flanum** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 12:41 pm

Q.What do you call an italian with an artificial foot?

A.Roberto

bradhurley · Post by **bradhurley** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 1:05 pm

Bloomfield wrote:

This one reminds me:

Q: Why does Santa's wife always look so unsatisfied?

A: You would too if your husband only came once a year.

Bloomfield · Post by **Bloomfield** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 1:16 pm

On a serious note, though: People don't realize how big a threat AIDS still is. You don't hear that much about AIDS in the news anymore and pubic awareness has gone down from where it was five years ago or so. The fear is that people stop practising safe sex. In Europe they have therefore started a new awareness campaign. As part of this awareness campaign they have started marketing condom packages for specific countries.

For example, there is a French pack, containing 7 condoms. You know, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

Then they have an Italian pack, containing 9 condoms: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday, Sunday.

The German pack contains 12 condoms:

January, February, March....

NicoMoreno · Post by **NicoMoreno** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 1:23 pm

Will O'B · Post by **Will O'B** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 1:41 pm

HA

You guys are making me feel better. Either that or its some of these drugs. I ahppen to agree that laughter's the best medicene for waht ails you. I'll have to think of something to post....later.
Love you all.
Will O'"Ban
Man i'm tired. wow

Blackwood · Post by **Blackwood** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 1:53 pm

3 women die in a car crash and go to heaven to meet St Peter at the gate. He tells them that "we have only one rule around here. Whatever you do don't step on the duck". The women find that a little odd, but figure well how hard can it be. So they enter heaven and ducks are frickin' everywhere.

There are so many it's really hard not to step on a duck. And surely one of the women steps on a duck. Immediately St. Peter shows up and chains the offending woman to the ugliest man the women have ever seen. and he says to her " Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to be chained to this man for all eternity".

The other 2 women look at each other in fear and subsequently try to be much more careful.

But it's really hard not to step on a duck. So after 3 days the 2nd woman steps on a duck and the same things happens, St Peter shows up with an even uglier man, chains them together and walks off.

The third woman now doesn't even move for 6 months to be sure not to step on a duck, when, out of the blue, St Peter shows up one day with a beautiful man, the most gorgeous man she has ever seen. And he chains her to this man and wakls off without saying a word.

And the woman wonders out aloud"why, I wonder what i did to deserve this?" and the gorgeous man turns to her and says" i don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck".

avanutria · Post by **avanutria** » Fri Aug 12, 2005 2:05 pm

This isn't my own story, I read it online.

A friend of mine was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Her plane made an unscheduled stop in Sacramento. The flight attendant explained that if passengers wanted to get off the aircraft they could re-board in 30 minutes.

Everyone got off the plane except for one gentleman who was blind. His Seeing Eye dog lay quietly under the seats in front of him. The man must have been a regular on that flight, because the pilot approached him and said, "James, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"

James replied, "No, thanks. But maybe my dog would like to stretch HIS legs."

People in the terminal were aghast and pointing when they saw the pilot -- wearing aviator sunglasses -- emerge from the plane being led by a Seeing Eye dog!