best way to mend a broken heart?

amar · Post by **amar** » Wed May 18, 2005 5:32 am

thanks friends for all your help, i guess time is the only thing that will help.

TomB · Post by **TomB** » Wed May 18, 2005 6:34 am

rh wrote:write a hit song about it and make millions. that'll show her...

Here is one of my "current" favorites in that regard.

Artist/Band: Keith Toby
Lyrics for Song: How Do You Like Me Now?!
Lyrics for Album: How Do You Like Me Now
(Toby Keith/Chuck Cannon)

I was always the crazy one
I broke into the stadium
And I wrote your number on the 50 yard line
You were always the perfect one
And the valadictorian so
Under your number I wrote "call for a good time"

I only wanted to catch your attention
But you overlooked me somehow
Besides you had too many boyfriends to mention
And I played my guitar too loud.

How do you like me now?
How do you like me now,
Now that I'm on my way?
Do you still think I'm crazy
Standin here today?
I couldnt make you love me
But I always dreamed about living in your radio
How do you like me now?

When I took off to Tennessee
I heard that you made fun of me
Never imagined I'd make it this far
Then you married into money girl
Aint it a cruel and funny world?
He took your dreams and tore them apart.

He never comes home
And youre always alone
And your kids hear you cryin down the hall
Alarm clock starts ringin
Who could that be singin
Its me baby, with your wake up call!

How do you like me now?
How do you like me now,
Now that I'm on my way?
Do you still think I'm crazy
Standin here today?
I couldnt make you love me
But I always dreamed about living in your radio
How do you like me now?

Tell me baby...
I will preach on...

Or, you could just go along during the day, singing...

"How do you mend, a broken heart?, how do you stop the rain, from falling down?,...."

All the Best, Tom

dwinterfield · Post by **dwinterfield** » Wed May 18, 2005 6:55 am

avanutria wrote:
I.D.10-t wrote:I must say that what has helped me is this...

Love her. Wish for what makes her happy and help her find the right path, even if it is away from you. If you ever truly liked her, it will make you happy that she is happy(even if at the same time painful). At least, that is my experience. If you are lucky, she will do the same.

Best Wishes,
CRC
I agree with the above, and with giving yourself time.

Also, don't throw away keepsakes, photos, memories...put them away for a while when it hurts to look at them, but someday you will want to look, and remember, and smile without pain.

I think these folks have it about right. A couple of additional thougths, the most obvious being - BE VERY, VERY CAREFUL GETTING INVOLVED WITH A CO-WORKER. It can turn out to be wonderful, but usually it doesn't.

Since you will see her on a regular basis, I'd remind you of one on life's unpleasant realities - There's something about everyone that you find annoying, distasteful, tacky etc. Given your infatuation or blooming love or spring-time lust or whatever you've been focusing on all of her wonderful, "just right for you" qualities. There is something about her that you don't like, and you're the only one who knows what it is. You've been overlooking it. Now is the time to think about it every time you see her. You'll still like her, but pondering her flaws will help time pass and both of you to move on.

Good Luck

Lambchop · Post by **Lambchop** » Wed May 18, 2005 7:32 am

Oh, Amar, I'm so sorry! My heart aches for you.

It's so difficult to have to let go when we're not ready, whether it's by death or a broken relationship. I think that grieving may be the only way to heal, and everyone has given you good suggestions for that.

One thing that sometimes helps is to be mindful that your love for that person, if it was really love, has to include wanting their happiness, too. If you truly love someone, you have to be able to let them go.

It's ok to keep loving her, you know . . . you just have to be willing to let her seek what she believes she wants and needs.

Whether we feel they have made a good decision or not, we have to allow them their freedom to seek happiness in their own way. Consciously affirming this and remembering it when we feel bad can sometimes help us get beyond feeling hurt, feeling rejected, and feeling angry.

All of those things are valid feelings when something like this happens--you are hurt, you were rejected, and anger is normal under those circumstances--but as you grieve you'll work through them. I don't think there is any fast track through all that. You just can't circumvent it.

Should you feel a need to talk about it with someone, you know you have friends here. I'm sure any number of us would be happy to lend a non-judgemental listening ear, myself included. As has been mentioned, a great way to work through these feelings is to write about them, so feel free to PM.

I nearly forgot! Chocolate helps and so does exercise. They help a lot. Seriously.

avanutria · Post by **avanutria** » Wed May 18, 2005 7:36 am

Yes, the exercise helps to offset the chocolate

Joseph E. Smith · Post by **Joseph E. Smith** » Wed May 18, 2005 7:48 am

dwinterfield wrote: A couple of additional thougths, the most obvious being - BE VERY, VERY CAREFUL GETTING INVOLVED WITH A CO-WORKER. It can turn out to be wonderful, but usually it doesn't.

... been there. But, how many of us actually heed that advice, or really think about it when mesmerized by the call of romance?

Lambchop · Post by **Lambchop** » Wed May 18, 2005 7:50 am

avanutria wrote:Yes, the exercise helps to offset the chocolate

anniemcu · Post by **anniemcu** » Wed May 18, 2005 9:25 am

avanutria wrote:
I.D.10-t wrote:I must say that what has helped me is this...

Love her. Wish for what makes her happy and help her find the right path, even if it is away from you. If you ever truly liked her, it will make you happy that she is happy(even if at the same time painful). At least, that is my experience. If you are lucky, she will do the same.

Best Wishes,
CRC
I agree with the above, and with giving yourself time.

Also, don't throw away keepsakes, photos, memories...put them away for a while when it hurts to look at them, but someday you will want to look, and remember, and smile without pain.

Excellent advice. THis is part of the growing I was trying to get across, but much more clearly illustrated.

Cynth · Post by **Cynth** » Wed May 18, 2005 9:46 am

Have some comfort food:

Post by **Nanohedron** » Wed May 18, 2005 9:51 am

Cynth, that is absolutely gross.

And I'm casting my vote for NOT keeping memorabilia. Any holes in my heart are memorabilia enough, thank you. Been there, done that. I recommend the cleanest break. Period.

Pat Cannady · Post by **Pat Cannady** » Wed May 18, 2005 9:53 am

1. Pour 1 oz John Power Irish Whiskey into a shot glass
2. Drink very quickly
3. Repeat steps 1&2 until a) you are sufficiently numb, or b) you lose consciousness

Cynth · Post by **Cynth** » Wed May 18, 2005 9:54 am

Wait!!! He likes the haggis! It is supposed to look good. It was the best picture I could find. And those are turnips and mashed potatoes.

Post by **Nanohedron** » Wed May 18, 2005 10:03 am

Cynth wrote:Wait!!! He likes the haggis! It is supposed to look good. It was the best picture I could find. And those are turnips and mashed potatoes.

I stand corrected. I thought the dog had whoopsed or something.

And NO MEMORABILIA!!!!

Tyler · Post by **Tyler** » Wed May 18, 2005 10:20 am

I'm sorry you're hurting....I really am. Just remember that , while love can be many splendored, and very sharp at times, love always happens, and when you least expect it.
Sometimes old wounds never heal, man, so dont be surprised if you carry a little piece of love's blade to your grave! I speak from experience, though I wont belabour you with it.
The reason love is so grand is because of the extremes that it inflicts in our lives, for good and ill.
The good news is, now you know you are really alive, thoguh you may not feel like it.

Go to fiji...open a hot dog and donut stand with a chick named Kochanski and breed cows and horses.

Denny · Post by **Denny** » Wed May 18, 2005 10:25 am

avanutria wrote:Also, don't throw away keepsakes, photos, memories...put them away for a while when it hurts to look at them, but someday you will want to look, and remember, and smile without pain.

I could argue both sides of the keeping of memorabilia...

...now the "smile without pain"
I would say that the pain looses its edge over time and becomes more of a wistfulness and melancholy kind of feeling. (bit like wine, eh!)

In a couple of decades, or so, some minor event will trigger the memories and you can just smile, having gained the wisdom of time, realizing that you can't always get what you want...you get what you need.

These are the things that make us what we are...
Denny

careful with the cows and horses...