OT: Washing machines and being married to a piper ;-)

beckitybek · Post by **beckitybek** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 4:25 am

My nearest and dearest has started a web-blog, it's hilarious. This is the most recent entry...

Most men (read 'me') like gadgets. Most women (read 'my missus') think that most gadgets are over complicated and often struggle to get them to work. Take my nearest and dearest. She's a musician and plays one of the most ridiculous and complicated instruments known to man, the Uilleann pipes (or Irish Pipes as they are often known). You need about 3 pairs of arms with at least 16 fingers on each hand, the strength and endurance of someone running a marathon on their tip-toes and the coordination of an octopus juggling chainsaws in order to play them. Not only can she play them, she can make them, repair them and teach someone else to play them, yet give her a digital camera and she's lost!

So why then do us blokes struggle with washing machines? I think perhaps they are designed to get us back. Ours has about 5 different temperatures, 25 wash programs, special buttons for economy, half load, full load, underpants, curtains, household pets etc etc. What are they all for? I have no idea. I have come to learn that despite this complexity a washing machine only really needs two buttons. 'Open door' and 'Go'. I have discovered the holy grail of our washing machine - program 'C', which I think stands for Can't go wrong with the small caveat that you should never attempt to wash your partners clothes otherwise it will be more than the washing machine that goes wrong. Simply get dirty clothes, open door, bung clothes in, turn dial to 'C', press go, wait till finished, get washing out, et voilà!

None of this sort out clothes into dark, white, off white, underwear and shiny things; put dark on program 'B', 30 degrees, econo-mode; white on program 'H', 60 degrees, crease protection, stain removal; off white on program 'N', 65.3 degrees, fluff protection circuit on, tissue removal off; underwear on program 'F', 32.59 degrees, crotch scrub on, crease protection medium, delicate spin vortex on; shiny things on program 'Q', 412 degrees, multi-sheen mode on, colour saturation 50%, dingle dangle level 3, hi-spin motion sensor on, revolution limiter medium, snot protector on.

Full blog can be found on www.anthonyscott.com

John O'Gara · Post by **John O'Gara** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 5:06 am

Wow, talk about airing your dirty laundry in public!

glands · Post by **glands** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 7:55 am

Becky, your husband has an excellent sense of humor!

Joseph E. Smith · Post by **Joseph E. Smith** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 7:59 am

That's pretty funny!

Thanks for sharing it. I'll have to keep tabs on that blog for my morning 'fix' of tea, smoke and humor.

Brian Lee · Post by **Brian Lee** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 8:46 am

Wait - your washer has an actual BUTTON for household pets? I've been doing it for years on the extra soiled mode but you have an honest to goodness button?!?! Why did we ever leave England?!

Joseph E. Smith · Post by **Joseph E. Smith** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 9:00 am

Brian Lee wrote:Wait - your washer has an actual BUTTON for household pets? I've been doing it for years on the extra soiled mode but you have an honest to goodness button?!?! Why did we ever leave England?!

... and here I've been using the old washing board method. My dog thanks you.

beckitybek · Post by **beckitybek** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 9:00 am

glands wrote:Becky, your husband has an excellent sense of humor!

He has to have - he's married to a piper after all

Douglas · Post by **Douglas** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 11:04 am

That was great Becky. I should get my wife to check it out.

thanks

benwalker · Post by **benwalker** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 1:59 pm

I wonder........ are there any piping husband and wife couples out there?
If so, do you think they ever run out of things to talk about

I too struggle with the washing machine (and the toaster, fridge, freezer, gas fire, sink, WC. and every other household appliance I can think off)
My wife forbids me to even think of DIY!

The Sporting Pitchfork · Wed Jan 26, 2005 1:15 am

benwalker wrote:I wonder........ are there any piping husband and wife couples out there?

Are you kidding? It would be like a cross between "Fatal Attraction," "Plan 9 From Outer Space," and "The NPU Reedmaker's Guide."

AlanB · Post by **AlanB** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 2:35 am

Uilliam · Post by **Uilliam** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 3:03 am

benwalker wrote:I wonder........ are there any piping husband and wife couples out there?

Mr and Mrs Pat McNulty of Glasgow..they also play together

Uilliam

Davey · Post by **Davey** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 8:25 am

...ugh! I can't imagine having to make a reed for my wife....holy hannah, what a nightmare!

I learned early on in the marriage to ruin one of my wife's almost favorite pieces of clothing by doing the laundry. Haven't had to touch the chore since.

Reepicheep · Post by **Reepicheep** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 9:59 am

You should check out Mr. Scott's other posts, they are of equal quality.

I had to stop myself short from sending him an email on some of my own parenting nightmares.

BTW, I thought that Quinn's "Piper's Despair" was a guide to the first years of marriage... guess I was wrong.

benwalker · Post by **benwalker** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 10:11 am

"Honestly Darling, I put the wind cap back on as carefully as I could. It just slipped".

Honeymoon Reed Trauma (HRT)

Chiff and Fipple Forums

OT: Washing machines and being married to a piper ;-)

OT: Washing machines and being married to a piper ;-)

yikes...