Negotiating Fees

Pipey · Post by **Pipey** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 8:15 am

Jerry O'Sullivan sent this to me.

Dear Band Leader:

We look forward to your performance at our daughter's wedding.
If you don't mind, we would like to request a few of our favorite songs.
Please play these during the reception:

A Keith Jarrett composition from his solo series. Please arrange it for
full ensemble in the key of B but nothing in 4/4 please.

Mahavishnu Orchestra, "Dance of the Maya" and please have the guitarist
play John McLaughlin's solo from the live performance Nov. 16, 1972 at
Chrysler Arena. My wife and I were at that show and we liked his use
of polyrhythms.

One of John Coltrane's duets with Pharaoh Sanders. Our guests love
high register tenor saxes.

We thought a little Stravinsky right after the toast would be nice.
So please play "The Rite of Spring." We like a tempo of about 1/4 note = 93 And transpose it down 3 half-steps - it will be so much more appropriate for this occasion in the slightly lower register.

Then for the candle lighting ceremony, please play Frank Zappa's "The
Grand Wazoo." The original key of B flat, would be fine but my
cousin Jeannie would like to sing the baritone sax solo in the key of
D - she has kind of a high voice.

When my new son-in-law takes off the garter, please just a little of
Varese's "Ionization." It's such a funny piece, we think it would go over
real well. Much better than "The Stripper."

And for the bride & groom's first dance, please slow things down a bit by
Doing Barber's "Adagio For Strings." It's so much better than "We've
Only Just Begun" or the "Anniversary Waltz."

When my wife and I join in the first dance, could you segue to
Thelonius Monk's "Ruby, My Dear" - it's in honor of my wife's
grandmother Whose name was Ruby. It would mean so much to the family.

Thanks for all your help. Depending on the outcome we'll certainly be happy to recommend your band to our friends.

We'll have your check for the fee of $250 (minus our expenses in contacting you of $12.50) by the end of next month: we're a little short as the young lady doing the balloon arch wanted her $1,850 in advance and the DJ had to be paid up front his $2,500 as normal. Our daughter assured us that your love of music was greater than your need for money, and that you would welcome the exposure you would get from playing this wedding.

Before you leave, please feel free to ask the caterer for a snack sandwich
And a soda (the bottles are returnable or you can pay the deposit to the
butler).

Please use the back entrance to avoid disturbing the guests."

Joseph E. Smith · Post by **Joseph E. Smith** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 8:23 am

...perhaps the funniest thing I have read in days! Now I have to go running through my entire Zappa collection...been years.

Chris Bayley · Post by **Chris Bayley** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 8:40 am

Wow - recently I asked to play some Hungarian and Russian tunes at a wedding - Kalinka, Lara's theme and a few folk tunes etc - seems I have gotten away lightly !

I hope they have given Jerry a few days warning to learn them off by heart
...........and to actually charge him for contacting him - what planet are they from :roll:

djm · Post by **djm** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 8:51 am

These people must be really off the deep end. The Grand WaZoo is hardly appropriate. I would have gone with Peaches en Regalia.

djm

Ailin · Post by **Ailin** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 9:36 am

"Rite of Spring"?

Do you think they would settle for the theme from Jaws? $250 hardly warrants the playing of the whole of Rite of Spring!

brianc · Post by **brianc** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 11:55 am

I've played a wedding or two that approached this kind of nonsense.

Then there was the wedding where I was asked to collect my fee from the father of the bride at the reception (across the street from the wedding ceremony site).

They'd rented a private room at an exclusive restaurant... the last I saw of him was his back as he was slipping through the door, which was guarded - I kid you not - by security guards.

Letters written to the bride went unanswered, and the telephone number was changed.

After that, I enacted a policy of "Not a note gets played 'til I get paid".

benwalker · Post by **benwalker** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 1:26 pm

I could think of some choice words for the kind of nonsense demands that some people make .... all of the end in the words**** OFF!
I regularly play weddings and other functions and would simply not take on those kinds of demands (unless it were for a ridiculously large fee)
Nearly always we are treated with dignity and respect. There have been a few rather strange weddings but I suppose thats human nature.

AlanB · Post by **AlanB** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 1:26 pm

I think it may be a musician having a joke at a pipers expense?

Alan

brianc · Post by **brianc** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 2:53 pm

AlanB wrote:I think it may be a musician having a joke at a pipers expense?

Alan

..........

Agreed - it is, I think, written tongue in cheek, though it does make we wonder what was said to the author to have him write this?

Paul · Post by **Paul** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 3:31 pm

That's hilarious! I just tweaked it up a bit and emailed it to my sister. She is a professional violinist who takes wedding gigs from time to time. I wonder if she'll fall for it. I used an unfamiliar email for the return address.

oleorezinator · Post by **oleorezinator** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 10:24 pm

what no varese!? no harry partch!? pikers!