Just a Joke

PhilO · Post by **PhilO** » Sun May 02, 2004 9:49 pm

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 famous passengers on board but only four parachutes left.

The first passenger said, "I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me. I can't afford to die ... "So he took the first pack and left the plane.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the former president of the United States. I am also the most ambitious woman in the world and I am a New York Senator and a potential future president." She just took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, said: "Out of my way. I'm President of the United States of America, the greatest and cleverest President in American history. I'm even greater than my Daddy. I have to lead the world's greatest superpower nation in and out of war. America can't afford for me to die." So he quickly grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out of the plane.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, turned to the fifth passenger, a Lubavitcher Rebbe, and said, "I am old and frail so I don't have many years left. As a good Catholic, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The Rebbe turned to him and said, "Thank you,but it's really OK. There are enough parachutes for both of us. America's greatest and cleverest President has just taken my Tallis bag.

PhilO

peeplj · Post by **peeplj** » Sun May 02, 2004 9:54 pm

Post by **Dale** » Sun May 02, 2004 9:58 pm

Phil O,

I do hope that you don't hear from the Secret Servic//// /BRK////////nfiltrated//byz///rystal/Peo////
BRK/////\\\\\\\INTRPT PROTOCOL "CONDEELEEZA"/////CHENEYMONITOR BETA//////BRK////////DELETING//

//

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.

PhilO · Post by **PhilO** » Mon May 03, 2004 8:54 am

In the event that this is my last broadcast, I'm counting on you Dale for a surreptitious "free Philo" campaign...

Philo

DCrom · Post by **DCrom** » Mon May 03, 2004 10:37 am

PhilO wrote:In the event that this is my last broadcast, I'm counting on you Dale for a surreptitious "free Philo" campaign...

Philo

Philo, you needn't worry.

After all, they never arrested us when we told the same story back in the 70's with Henry Kissinger as the goat.

PhilO · Post by **PhilO** » Mon May 03, 2004 12:15 pm

Philo's the name, worryin' s my game!

Philo Schvantz, The Fretting Detective

Wombat · Post by **Wombat** » Mon May 03, 2004 1:02 pm

PhilO wrote:Philo's the name, worryin' s my game!

Philo Schvantz, The Fretting Detective

You're beginning to sound like Duckman.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon May 03, 2004 3:41 pm

PhilO wrote:Philo's the name, worryin' s my game!

Philo Schvantz, The Fretting Detective

\

The Weekenders · Post by **The Weekenders** » Tue May 04, 2004 6:17 pm

Circulating the Net:

Life's Choices

You're in Florida...In Miami, to be exact... There is great chaos going
on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge
masses of water all about you. You are a news photographer and you are
in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.

You're trying to shoot impressive photos, photos that capture the
emotion and tragedy of the events. Houses and people are floating around
you, disappearing into the water! Nature is showing all her destructive
power, ripping everything asunder.

Suddenly you see a woman in the water. She is fighting for her life,
trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move
closer. Somehow the woman looks familiar.

Suddenly you know who it is - it's Hillary Clinton!!

At the moment you recognize who she is, you also notice that the raging
waters are about to take her away, forever.

You realize you have two options. You can save her or you can take the
best photo of your life.

You can save the life of Hillary Clinton, or you can shoot a Pulitzer
prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the actual moment of
death of one of the world's most powerful women.

The question:

Do you use color film, or do you go with the simplicity of classic black
and white..??

Jerry Freeman · Post by **Jerry Freeman** » Tue May 04, 2004 6:22 pm

One of these days, Lance ...

The mice of the world will team up with the bleeding heart liberals of the world and march directly to your doorstep. Be very afraid.

Best wishes,
Jerry

Post by **Nanohedron** » Tue May 04, 2004 6:30 pm

Jerry Freeman wrote:One of these days, Lance ...

The mice of the world will team up with the bleeding heart liberals of the world and march directly to your doorstep. Be very afraid.

Best wishes,
Jerry

Reminds me of a poem in the "Me Too" poetry rag independently published in Iowa City in the '70s: there was a poem railing against the community of Aspen, Colorado for its glitz and wallowing in Mammon, etc., etc., the final line of which went something like this:

"Aspen, the bees of revolution will not lose your scent."

Always loved that line.

Lorenzo · Post by **Lorenzo** » Tue May 04, 2004 7:57 pm

Philo -

Weekenders -

Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Die" written in urine across the snow. Well, old Bill is pretty pissed off.

He storms into his security staff's headquaters and yells, "Somebody wrote a death threat in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they wrote it in urine! SOB had to be standing right on the porch when he did it!

Where were you guys?"

The security guys stand silent and stare ashamedly at the floor. Bill hollers, "Well dammit, don't just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! Someone wants my job. I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!"

The entire staff immediately jumped up and raced for the exits. Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says, "Well Mr. President, we have some bad news, and we have some really bad news. Which do you want first?"

Clinton says, "Oh Hell, give me the bad news first." The officer says, "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Al Gore's urine."

Clinton says, "Oh my god, I feel so ... so betrayed! I should have known. My own vice president! Damn. Well, what's the really bad news?"

The officer replies, "Well, it's Hillary's handwriting."

The Weekenders · Post by **The Weekenders** » Tue May 04, 2004 7:59 pm

Jerry Freeman · Post by **Jerry Freeman** » Tue May 04, 2004 8:33 pm

The Weekenders wrote:Time for a mind-bending new signature ...

Somehow the juxtaposition of this tagline in the next post below Lorenzo's joke seemed funny to me.

Best wishes,
Jerry

The Weekenders · Post by **The Weekenders** » Tue May 04, 2004 8:36 pm

Score one for the Leeeeberal!