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Jack · Post by **Jack** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 1:18 pm

Um...I had everything packed, hospital ready, they had my name, number, everything, knew I was coming, and when I called to get directions I got a different person on the phone and they told me I suddenly needed a referral, I went through 3 different places in total, they sent me to an alcoholics anonymous therapist (what the fnck that was for, your guess is as good as mine?) and the last place finally told me the reason they wouldn't see me is because of money/insurance. It always is.

Needless to say, I had everything in bags and all my loose ends tied up so I decided if I couldn't get to the hospital I was going to go SOMEWHERE and I went to my grandma's to stay and regroup, and that's where I've been, I'm going back tomorrow, I'm just here for a birthday party.

I've been getting a LOT better at whistle (not hard to do considering I suck). Not much else to do. I'm sort of able to do a cut. Except instead of a short, crisp cut, it's more like an extra 16th note, mah fingahs are slow. My music books have a lot of Patriotic/Christmas-ish/Spiritual songs in them and I've transposed about 20 into the keys of G and D, I might post the ABCs sometime down the road, I forgot to bring them with me because I'm slightly mental.

My first ever whistle, my sweetone, vanished not long ago, so I got another one, which is stupendous. I forgot how much I really liked that little whistle.

IDAwHOa · Post by **IDAwHOa** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 1:29 pm

Glad you found a place to land and regroup. Keep the chin up and the hopes and priorities in tune.

Steven

Loren · Post by **Loren** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 1:35 pm

Our healthcare system is disgusting. Frickin' useless unless you're rich and can pay cash for everything.

Best of luck to you Cran, I know it's tough.

Loren

Jerry Freeman · Post by **Jerry Freeman** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 1:57 pm

What Loren said.

Hi, Cran.

It's nice to hear you're OK.

You've got a lot of friends here, so keep in touch as best you can, but don't fret if you have to be offline sometimes. We're all pulling for you.

Best wishes,
Jerry

don · Post by **don** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 2:28 pm

You are in out thoughts and prayers.

I'd say go toward the light, but all too often it's just a train coming the other way.

Seriously, take care of your self, and know you have a community that cares.

Walden · Post by **Walden** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 4:36 pm

Cranberry wrote:Um...I had everything packed, hospital ready, they had my name, number, everything, knew I was coming, and when I called to get directions I got a different person on the phone and they told me I suddenly needed a referral, I went through 3 different places in total, they sent me to an alcoholics anonymous therapist (what the fnck that was for, your guess is as good as mine?) and the last place finally told me the reason they wouldn't see me is because of money/insurance. It always is.

If you can find some kind of government counsellor that could help you in finding programs, there are likely ways to get the help you desire, but it may take a while to find them.

Needless to say, I had everything in bags and all my loose ends tied up so I decided if I couldn't get to the hospital I was going to go SOMEWHERE and I went to my grandma's to stay and regroup, and that's where I've been, I'm going back tomorrow, I'm just here for a birthday party.

Staying with your grandma sounds like a better situation than the shelter in Colorado.

I've been getting a LOT better at whistle (not hard to do considering I suck). Not much else to do. I'm sort of able to do a cut. Except instead of a short, crisp cut, it's more like an extra 16th note, mah fingahs are slow. My music books have a lot of Patriotic/Christmas-ish/Spiritual songs in them and I've transposed about 20 into the keys of G and D, I might post the ABCs sometime down the road...

That's great. The whistle ought to be able to play all sorts of music.

Post by **Nanohedron** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 4:58 pm

So much for the Oath of Hippocrates, eh, Cran? Anyway, hang in there and keep checking in!

TelegramSam · Post by **TelegramSam** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 5:50 pm

Well I'm sorry you got the run-around by our lovely gov't bureacracy. They really are quite useless. I'm glad you're doing okay despite the lack of help from Uncle Sam.

I know I pick on you sometimes but I really was worried after Andrea (I think that's who it was) posted that you ran into trouble earlier. Good luck, and I do mean that!!

Aodhan · Post by **Aodhan** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 5:56 pm

Nanohedron wrote:So much for the Oath of Hippocrates, eh, Cran? Anyway, hang in there and keep checking in!

Unfortunately, the ones that take the Hippocratical Oath are not the ones barring the doors. That would be the bean counters and administrators, whose only concern is the bottom line.

I know a lot of doctors who treat at free clinics, donate time, and would accept any patient that walks through the door, but a lot of times their hands are tied by adminstrative hoo-haw.

I add my thoughts and prayers, Cran, and if I could think of any alternatives that haven't already been put forth by other C&F'ers I would do it. (Any chance you could qualify for Veteran's Affairs? The VA hospitals are pretty decent in most areas.)

Aodhan

Jack · Post by **Jack** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 6:34 pm

I don't understand what's being said here regarding hypocrites, but it's probably best that way. lol

We don't have any veterans affairs hospitals here, and the governmental health place would be our County Health, it's one of the places I was routed to, they sent me to an AA person (and also let me see a crisis T but the crisis T wasn't much help, he said without being suicidal there wasn't much they could do [he was the one who told me that the reason they suddenly wouldn't take me in the hospitla was because of money]). I suspect that's the only type of counseling they ever have, is AA and NA. I am in the middle of nowhere, it takes hours to get to any T or agency, etc., so I'm very limited in what I can do but I do have SOME peace of mind at my grandmas. At my last therapist where I had an on-again off-again relationship it took a long time to get to T because only one person in my family can drive and has a car, they think you're not keeping appointments but when there is nobody to take you and you live in the middle of the woods and there aren't any taxis or busses or things like that, you just can't go and there's no two ways about it, it's really frustrating to have shouting matches on the phone with T who say why did you reschedule your appointment again and they don't understand you don't have a way.

The reason the shelter in CO didn't pan out, if it must be said, is because a problem of my Bipolar Disorder is compulsive spending, I can't help it. THe money I had for the ticket to Urban Peak in CO got completely wasted and I'm really ashamed of it but I sincerely can't control it. If you gave me $1,000,000 and I was in a manic spell, I'd spend it all in an hour (probably on eBay) and while I was doing it the BPD makes it feel so normal and wonderful and you feel all high and you don't want to stop, and then afterwards want to fall over and die in regret, and you wonder how you could have done something so stupid, it's a very ugly thing. I save up for things, then when I get like that, it's all gone in no time. It's not a simple 'learn to make a budget' type of problem, I've bene through that in therapy before, it's out of my control. I have compulsions(is that a word) in so many areas (like the computer, I just can't stop, simply CAN'T by any means unless I'm taken away or physically leave) and I know I need meds for them all and I'm trying to get to that point, but it's very hard to do here. The other shelter I was eyeing in NJ was ED oriented but they were full, and there was this guy in MD who supposedly ran a church type place, but he totally creeped me out. He called himself Noah. :roll:

Enough making myself look like an idiot now.

Post by **Nanohedron** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 6:37 pm

Aodhan wrote:
Nanohedron wrote:So much for the Oath of Hippocrates, eh, Cran? Anyway, hang in there and keep checking in!
Unfortunately, the ones that take the Hippocratical Oath are not the ones barring the doors. That would be the bean counters and administrators, whose only concern is the bottom line.

Hasty, dismissive, and not helpful on my part at all.

Best,
N

Paul Reid · Post by **Paul Reid** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 7:38 pm

Hi Cranberry,

Reading your words is making me more aware of the problem my friend Jason has. He's been diagnosed as being bipolar and the meds are making him a different person. Very similar to you, he has no control over spending - anyway it's kind of moot now because he has absolutely no money anymore - it's all gone.

A few months ago, he had a mental epiphany and "popped". He was taken into custody by the Police after he walked up and down Main Street without a shirt telling people that he was God. He was taken to the hospital (psych ward). Fortunately for us Canucks, we don't have to pay for this care - it's covered under our Provincial health plan called OHIP.

Jason, and I'm assuming you're kind of like this, is a brilliant, sensitive and creative soul. In his case, he was able to fool them into realeasing him early and I picked him up at the hospital. He really came home to get a few things together with the intention of going back into the hospital to kill himself. He didn't want me or anyone else to find him in his apartment. Anyway, he was able to give himself the "one more day" mantra and the doctors loaded him up with meds - new stuff and different dosage. He felt incredible - manic as hell. He called me up and wouldn't stop talking. And the next day he was down again. (I can't imagine how frustrating this must be).

So he was able to gain enough strength and get the medication at least moderated to a degree to keep himself a little stable and he's home now. He's working through it one day at a time and I'm trying to help him out - it's tough though because I don't know what to do for him.

I guess I'm writing this to firstly let you know you're not alone on your journey, and if at all possible to reach out to you for a response on how I might be able to help him further. I also recognise the frustration that uninsured Americans must have with HMO's and hospitals -- there is a better way. But that's probably another topic.

All the best!!

Zubivka · Post by **Zubivka** » Tue Jul 22, 2003 5:01 am

Cranberry wrote:Enough making myself look like an idiot now.

You certainly don't. I'd say it's quite the opposite. So don't start worrying about this now.

brewerpaul · Post by **brewerpaul** » Tue Jul 22, 2003 5:09 am

Loren wrote:Our healthcare system is disgusting. Frickin' useless unless you're rich and can pay cash for everything.

Loren

Speaking from the supply side ( I'm a Podiatrist in my "day job"), we don't have health care, we have sickness care. Anything preventative is usually " not a covered benefit". To emphasize how stupid this is, I usually use the analogy of car maintenance. Sure, you can "save" money by not doing oil changes, but how much have you really saved when the engine seizes up some day and needs replacemet? Prevention is ALWAYS cheaper and far, far better.
That rand aside-- I wish you much luck and happiness Cran. You've brought many a smile to my face with your postings. Hope to see you here for a long time.

jbarter · Post by **jbarter** » Tue Jul 22, 2003 5:40 am

Cranberry wrote: I've been getting a LOT better at whistle (not hard to do considering I suck).

I think I've spotted a basic flaw in your technique. Try blowing.

More to the point Cran, there is an 'other side' and I've seen a lot of family and friends make it. Here's hoping one day I can add you to the list.

Chiff and Fipple Forums

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