OT: I'm going to do it.

Jack · Post by **Jack** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 4:38 am

I'm going to do it.

I'm really really really going to do it. I'm taking a huge leap forward. Today I'm going to let my family know that I have struggled with an eating disorder for five years (only my therapist knew), and that I have Bipolar Disorder Type II (diagnosed after I turned 18 ) and am addicted to the Internet. I'm going to let my extended family know I am flaming queen, in case they missed that (seriously though, even though everybody knows I've never actually said it, which is important for me).

And tomorrow I am checking myself into a hospital for treatment for the Eating Disorder and for the Bipolar Disorder Type II. I will probably stay a couple months at least. The girls I know who've went in for treatment have been there for 4 or 5 months in some cases and not even started recovery. I don't care, though, I need a break from my chaotic existence of trying to make it in life while still holding so much inside and not allowing myself to be helped for it.

So that should explain my real future absence. If I come back (might not be able to, treating Internet addiction, it's like cocaine for me, you can't really be helped taking just a little bit, you need to stop it all together) I'll probably reregister under my real name and just leave this name be.

I know I've said it before, but pray for me.

P.S., Blackbeer thanks for providing part of the inspiration to get help.
P.P.S., Andrea, Patrick and Frank thanks for the whistles. And Jim thank you for the book and CD and another Jim thanks for letting me borrow the WWs. And Mamakash for the piccolo head, and Jerry and Ralph for tweaking, and anybody else I forgot, it's because I'm sleepy not any other reason. You people have no idea how much your kindness and generosity has affected me and just made my days brighter.
P.P.P.S. , Everybody else thank you so much for just talking to me. I really mean it. I'm soppy.

claudine · Post by **claudine** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 4:50 am

Good luck, Cran! I know you will do well!
- claudine -

madguy · Post by **madguy** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 4:56 am

Cranberry, it's a gigantic step you're undertaking, as you well know, but admitting your addiction(s) to yourself and to others are the first steps. It gets quite rough at times, but try to always remember that it's one foot in front of the other, one step at a time.
I'm sure you know you'll have the thoughts, love, and prayers of so very many people here at C&F with you all the way, and just knowing that you do should give you some comfort and strength. Hold your head high as you go through this journey. Best wishes to you, and I hope you attain the comfort, strength, and serenity that your treatment will eventually bring.

~Larry

brewerpaul · Post by **brewerpaul** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 5:01 am

Way to go, Cranberry! I don't pretend that you have an easy road ahead, but you are taking the first major step on a very worthwhile journey. Hope we do hear from you in the future.
FWIW-- my wife and I have friends with all of those issues in their lives, and all are doing great with proper treatment and guidance. It CAN be done!

Jerry Freeman · Post by **Jerry Freeman** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 5:16 am

Hi, Cranberry.

While you're off the Internet, please feel free to write anytime. I believe you have my address.

Take care, buddy. I hope you realize there are a lot of people here who think you're very cool.

Best wishes,
Jerry

Flyingcursor · Post by **Flyingcursor** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 5:19 am

sniff sniff. The end of one era and the start of another. Chins up, stiff upper lip etc.

lixnaw · Post by **lixnaw** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 5:42 am

hi cran,

don't make it look bigger as it really is. i think your just trying ou a lot of things, your searching and theirs nothing wrong with that.
but you forget to be decisive, what's good for you and what's not. like someone that has 7 different high D's and can't decide wich is best, or someone that can't decide what to eat. that what we all have to learn more and more listening to ourselves. were capable of much more than we think!!
it's a good thing when we cry when were happy, the feel that we dump some heavy old emotions and gained something really valuable.
i'm sure you'll dump a lot of stuff that you don't need in that hospital, and cran, that way you've got room for everything that good for you, wich i wish you with all my heart. but you'll have to make the decisions.
i can't decide a lot of time either, and feel chaotic, but that's part of life. then i need to go through the chaos before i can start something new. for chaos you need courage. and you have plenty of that, yuou try out a lot of stuff, that means you have great great courage!!and i also think you've got a very big heart cran

slowair · Post by **slowair** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 5:54 am

Good luck to you.

You've taken that first step.

Be open and honest.

And don't forget to bring at least one whistle with you!

Mike

slowair · Post by **slowair** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 6:14 am

I just received this in my email and thought it appropriate...

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill.
In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started
going up.

He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you, but first let me do
this. He proceeded to crumple the $20 dollar bill up. He then asked, "Who
still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and
started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now
crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into
the air.

"My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what
was done to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in
value. It was still worth $20.

"Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the
dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless.

"But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose
your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still
priceless to those who DO love you. The worth of our lives comes not in
what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE.

"You are special - Don't EVER forget it."

Pass this on so that you may touch the lives of others, heal the
hurting hearts it speaks to, and bring hope to others. Count your
blessings, not your problems. Never be afraid to try something new.

And remember: amateurs built the ark .....professionals built the Titanic.

izzarina · Post by **izzarina** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 6:32 am

Good luck cran! You will be in my thoughts and prayers. May God be with you and keep you.

Heather

SteveK · Post by **SteveK** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 6:46 am

Adam, the little guy in the mask, and I wish you well.

Steve

trisha · Post by **trisha** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 6:47 am

Best of luck Cranberry - we'll miss you, but getting yourself the way you want to be for a big bright future is the best thing. Don't forget some quiet whistles...

Trisha

janice · Post by **janice** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 6:54 am

Good luck, this place won't be nearly as entertaining!
(as for the fq part...no worries! I think you let enough hints drop that a lot of folks already knew

)

Paul · Post by **Paul** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 7:37 am

Cranberry, you are going to be fine. Whether you realize it or not, you are really a bright and gifted person. You have a lot to offer the world, too. Congratulations on taking the step to seek help. P.S. Be sure to take some art supplies with you.

I'll miss you.

Sincerely,
Paul

chattiekathy · Post by **chattiekathy** » Thu Jul 10, 2003 7:47 am

Best wishes to you Cranberry, Don't forget to take your whistles along. I will be praying for you.

Cheers,
Kathy