Gidget Giggle-Hiney!!!
Thank you very much, you may now return to your regularly scheduled Sunday morning lounging.
Best,
Gidget
Blue
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Nanohedron
- Moderatorer
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- Tell us something.: Been a fluter, citternist, and uilleann piper; committed now to the way of the harp.
Oh, yeah: also a mod here, not a spammer. A matter of opinion, perhaps. - Location: Lefse country
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Martin Milner
- Posts: 4350
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- Location: London UK
A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he
glances up and sees a beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous
anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right
beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Business trip
or vacation?"
"Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago," she states.
Whoa, he thinks !!!---Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks,
"What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer", she says. "I use my experiences to debunk some of the
popular myths about sexuality."
"Really," he says, swallowing hard, "what myths are those?"
"Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that African American men
are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American
Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Irish
descent!!"
Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes.
"I'm sorry," She says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you, I
don't even know your name!"
"Tonto," the man says, as he extends his hand, "Tonto Murphy."
glances up and sees a beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous
anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right
beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Business trip
or vacation?"
"Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago," she states.
Whoa, he thinks !!!---Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks,
"What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer", she says. "I use my experiences to debunk some of the
popular myths about sexuality."
"Really," he says, swallowing hard, "what myths are those?"
"Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that African American men
are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American
Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Irish
descent!!"
Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes.
"I'm sorry," She says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you, I
don't even know your name!"
"Tonto," the man says, as he extends his hand, "Tonto Murphy."
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Martin Milner
- Posts: 4350
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- Location: London UK
this joke appears earlier!
Last edited by Martin Milner on Tue Jul 01, 2003 7:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Flyingcursor
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- Tell us something.: This is the first sentence. This is the second of the recommended sentences intended to thwart spam its. This is a third, bonus sentence!
- Location: Portsmouth, VA1, "the States"
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Martin Milner
- Posts: 4350
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- Location: London UK
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heartsong
- Posts: 9
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- Location: a dewdrop
I'll throw in the obligatory lame blonde joke...
There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. They were all builders and they were working on a sky-scraper. They always ate lunch on the top of the building. The brunette always had a ham sandwich for her lunch, the red head always had a cheese sandwich, and the blonde always had a turkey sandwich. One day they all got sick of always having the same thing to eat everyday, so they made a deal. They all said that if they brought the same sandwich they usually bring, they would have to jump off of the top of the building.
The next day, the blonde was found dead on the ground by the building. The husbands of the three builders were there and they started to talk. The red head's husband said to the other two men, "I packed my wife a peanut butter and jelly so she wouldn't jump off."
The husband of the brunette said to the other two men, "I packed my wife a turkey sandwich so she wouldn't jump off."
They both looked at the wife of the blonde and he said:" Don't look at me, my wife packs her own lunch!"
:roll:
There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. They were all builders and they were working on a sky-scraper. They always ate lunch on the top of the building. The brunette always had a ham sandwich for her lunch, the red head always had a cheese sandwich, and the blonde always had a turkey sandwich. One day they all got sick of always having the same thing to eat everyday, so they made a deal. They all said that if they brought the same sandwich they usually bring, they would have to jump off of the top of the building.
The next day, the blonde was found dead on the ground by the building. The husbands of the three builders were there and they started to talk. The red head's husband said to the other two men, "I packed my wife a peanut butter and jelly so she wouldn't jump off."
The husband of the brunette said to the other two men, "I packed my wife a turkey sandwich so she wouldn't jump off."
They both looked at the wife of the blonde and he said:" Don't look at me, my wife packs her own lunch!"
:roll:
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rebl_rn
- Posts: 810
- Joined: Tue Jun 26, 2001 6:00 pm
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- Location: Southeastern Wisconsin
- Contact:
For all the pun-lovers out there....(for the rest of you, I am truly very, very sorry about the following.)
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?" one asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?" one asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Wash your hands. Cough and sneeze in your sleeve. Stay home if you are sick. Stay informed. http://www.cdc.gov/swineflu for more info.
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NicoMoreno
- Posts: 2100
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- Tell us something.: I just wanted to update my location... 100 characters is a lot and I don't really want to type so much just to edit my profile...
- Location: St. Louis, MO
Why isn't it good to go into the jungle between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
-- That's when the elephants are jumping out of the palm trees
Why are the pygmy's so short?
-- They went into the jungle between 2 and 4 in the afternoon
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
-- "Here come the elephants over the hill."
What did he say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?
-- Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
What did he say when he saw the Girraffes coming over the hill?
-- " Aha, You fooled me once, but not again!!"
How many Elephants can you fit in a Mini?
-- 2 in front, 2 in back.
How can you tell if an elephant is in your fridge?
-- There is a set of elephant tracks in the Peanut Butter
How can you tell if 2 elephants are in your fridge?
-- There are 2 sets of elephant tracks in the Peanut Butter
How can you tell if 3 elephants are in your fridge?
-- There are 3 sets of elephant tracks in the Peanut Butter
How can you tell if 4 elephants are in your fridge?
-- There is a Mini parked outside....
Nico "The Pachyderm Jokster" Moreno
-- That's when the elephants are jumping out of the palm trees
Why are the pygmy's so short?
-- They went into the jungle between 2 and 4 in the afternoon
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
-- "Here come the elephants over the hill."
What did he say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?
-- Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
What did he say when he saw the Girraffes coming over the hill?
-- " Aha, You fooled me once, but not again!!"
How many Elephants can you fit in a Mini?
-- 2 in front, 2 in back.
How can you tell if an elephant is in your fridge?
-- There is a set of elephant tracks in the Peanut Butter
How can you tell if 2 elephants are in your fridge?
-- There are 2 sets of elephant tracks in the Peanut Butter
How can you tell if 3 elephants are in your fridge?
-- There are 3 sets of elephant tracks in the Peanut Butter
How can you tell if 4 elephants are in your fridge?
-- There is a Mini parked outside....
Nico "The Pachyderm Jokster" Moreno
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BrassBlower
- Posts: 2224
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- Location: Fly-Over Country
Well, then, Pinky Bubblehead says "hi"!heartsong wrote:Following the formula provided by rebel_rn, I shall henceforth be known as......
Gidget Giggle-Hiney!!!
Thank you very much, you may now return to your regularly scheduled Sunday morning lounging.
Best,
Gidget
https://www.facebook.com/4StringFantasy
I do not feel obliged to believe that that same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-Galileo
I do not feel obliged to believe that that same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-Galileo
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Caj
- Posts: 2166
- Joined: Sat Dec 15, 2001 6:00 pm
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- Location: Binghamton, New York
- Contact:
A marine biologist is seeking the secret of immortality by studying the regenerative powers of starfish. Eventually she discovers a serum that extends life indefinitely, but drat, consarn it, etc, it only works in aquatic mammals like dolphins.
Still there's a Nobel Prize in this (and if dolphins take over the world they'll probably thank her with a cushy administrative job) so she starts to whip up a batch of serum. But there's a horrible catch: one of the ingredients comes from the spinal fluid of an endangered---and protected---species of myna bird.
After much soul-searching, she decides to sacrifice a bird in the name of prolonging dolphin lifespans, so she sneaks into the SF zoo one night and birdnaps one of the endangered creatures. On the way out she takes a wrong turn, however, and ends up in the LION HABITAT. Carefully she tiptoes over a sleeping lion, quietly climbs over the fence to safety and ... walks into 10 police officers who were tipped off by one of her colleagues.
The bird is returned to safety, and the biologist goes to jail for transporting a myna across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.
Still there's a Nobel Prize in this (and if dolphins take over the world they'll probably thank her with a cushy administrative job) so she starts to whip up a batch of serum. But there's a horrible catch: one of the ingredients comes from the spinal fluid of an endangered---and protected---species of myna bird.
After much soul-searching, she decides to sacrifice a bird in the name of prolonging dolphin lifespans, so she sneaks into the SF zoo one night and birdnaps one of the endangered creatures. On the way out she takes a wrong turn, however, and ends up in the LION HABITAT. Carefully she tiptoes over a sleeping lion, quietly climbs over the fence to safety and ... walks into 10 police officers who were tipped off by one of her colleagues.
The bird is returned to safety, and the biologist goes to jail for transporting a myna across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.
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pixyy
- Posts: 710
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- Tell us something.: Just updating my profile after 16+ years of C&F membership. Sold most of my flutes, play the ones I still own and occasionally still enjoy coming here and read about flute related subjects.
- Location: Denmark
This woman goes to her parish priest one day and tells him: "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say, 'Hi, we're prossies. Do you want to have some fun?'"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may just have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the bible.. Bring your two parrots over to the presbytery, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Joe. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution." So the next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying away. Highly impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're prossies. Do you want to have some fun?" There was stunned silence.
Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed: "Put the effin' beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!!!"
"Loopy Girdlehonker"
"What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say, 'Hi, we're prossies. Do you want to have some fun?'"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may just have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the bible.. Bring your two parrots over to the presbytery, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Joe. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution." So the next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying away. Highly impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're prossies. Do you want to have some fun?" There was stunned silence.
Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed: "Put the effin' beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!!!"
"Loopy Girdlehonker"