English As She Is Spoke

herbivore12 · Post by **herbivore12** » Tue Mar 25, 2003 10:03 pm

Aha, my teensy-tiny friend, and others, you might enjoy this article by the excellent writer David Foster Wallace, a guy who pulls some pretty amazing linguistic feats himself.

http://www.findarticles.com/cf_0/m1111/ ... wallace%22

In which the author goes over all of this discussion, and more, in a highly engaging manner.

The story he relates about telling a black student that she'd have to write in Academic English, and not colloquial English, to do well in his class and others, and the ensuing furor, is too telling. But mostly, this guy just loves him some language.

--Aaron

Bloomfield · Post by **Bloomfield** » Wed Mar 26, 2003 8:01 am

Aaron,
that article is about Bryan Garner Modern American Usage, a wonderful and amazing book and a fitting heir to the undying Modern English Usage, by Fowler. Anybody who would describe himself as a "careful writer" or who aspires to be one, should get both of these books. (For Fowler I recommend getting the third edition, not the fourth.) If you are standing in the bookstore browsing, read the entry on "split infinitives". If you can resist buying it after that, I admire your iron will power.

Wallace points out that Garner, seemingly for the first time in the long debate over lexicography and language usage, anchors all his advice in the regard for the reader: How you should write depends on how you can best make yourself understood. It seems fairly obvious put this way, but it is a refreshing change from the generation of dictionary and usuage-manual writers who have told us that the way we should write English depends on (a) Latin [that's the origin of the injunction against splitting infinitives, btw, because you cannot split them in Latin], (b) lowest common demoninator of usage today, or (c) some dead guy.

Very, very refreshing and exciting stuff (for us nerds, that is).

Post by **Nanohedron** » Wed Mar 26, 2003 11:23 am

Jerry, it was just a humble attempt at a smartalecky pun in reference to usages in the English language. My bad.

It was in no way a reference to spelling. I look to the content and intent of what a person has to say, and reserve vain attempts at window-dressing for my verbally anal-retentive self. I have my Mom to thank for that, bless her.

Just to let you all know that I love swearing like a stevedore, too, although time and maturity have shown me that cusses are like kisses: indiscriminate bestowal renders them into devalued currency.

AND I can be (and often am) as colloquial as any. So there.

Best,
N

Post by **Nanohedron** » Wed Mar 26, 2003 11:35 am

BTW, Righteous Herb, mon, how's the Battle of the Viruses going?

herbivore12 · Post by **herbivore12** » Wed Mar 26, 2003 11:43 am

Nanohedron wrote:BTW, Righteous Herb, mon, how's the Battle of the Viruses going?

The things you do to my handle. . .

The battle is a losing one. Almost a week at home, and still painfully sore throat, right ear, and mucus production that defies explanation (how could so much come from such wee sinuses?).

And now the wife is laid up, too; I'm sure I'll be hearing about that, as soon as she's well enough to think about it.

However, it gave me time to dip into the books and websites I don't usually get to dip into, so hey. I *think* I might be crawling out of the hole and up into the sunshiney open air of Health, but I think it'll be a few days yet. Ugh. Don't catch what I have.

Ditto to what Bloomfield said about the usage books; they're actually fun, believe it or not.

But nerd, Bloomie? Who're you calling a nerd, bub?

[me looks in mirror]Oh. Yeah. *sigh*

Y'all take your vitamins, now. . .

Jerry Freeman · Post by **Jerry Freeman** » Wed Mar 26, 2003 12:03 pm

N,

When I was in the eighth grade, I encountered a book called _Anguish Languish_. This book was full of stories and songs that used a system of substituting words that sound like the correct word, but aren't (exact homophones are not allowed).

For example:

"Hormone Derange"

Oar gummier hum
Warder buffer lore rum
Warder dare enter envelopes ply
Ware soiled em assured
Adage cur itching wart
End disguise earn it clotty oil dye.

Harm, hormone derange
Warder dare enter envelopes ply
etc.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Guilty Looks Enter Tree Beers"

(The whole fairy tale was in there)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is similar to something Walt Kelly did occasionally with Pogo, the most famous example of which was the Christmas carol:

"Deck Us All With Boston Charlie"

Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!

Don't we know archaic barrel
Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou?
Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!

Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Polly wolly cracker 'n' too-da-loo!
Donkey Bonny brays a carol,
Antelope Cantaloupe, 'lope with you!

Hunky Dory's pop is lolly
Gaggin' on the wagon, Willy, folly go through!
Chollie's collie barks at Barrow,
Harum scarum five alarm bung-a-loo!

Dunk us all in bowls of barley,
Hinky dinky dink an' polly voo!
Chilly Filly's name is Chollie,
Chollie Filly's jolly chilly view halloo!

Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Double-bubble, toyland trouble! Woof, woof, woof!
Tizzy seas on melon collie!
Dibble-dabble, scribble-scrabble! Goof, goof, goof!

Post by **Nanohedron** » Wed Mar 26, 2003 12:20 pm

Jerry, that's the sort of stuff I drum up when I'm really trying to annoy people! For a taste of this -if you can stomach it- refer to the last posts of the Rrrrrrrumble! thread. You'll never want to go back there again.

And it's clean, I promise.

Best,
N

Jerry Freeman · Post by **Jerry Freeman** » Wed Mar 26, 2003 12:40 pm

N,

It does seem to annoy most adults.

However, children (at least my children) think this stuff is just wonderful.

Best wishes,
Jerry

P.S. Your posts at the end of the Rumble thread are a scream. Excellent work.

Post by **Nanohedron** » Wed Mar 26, 2003 12:52 pm

Glad you enjoyed it, Jerry.

Sad to think that in this politically correct day and age, "Guilty Looks Enter Tree Beers" would probably be hounded off of the bookshelf just for the title alone. :roll:

N

Ro3b · Post by **Ro3b** » Wed Mar 26, 2003 1:12 pm

Wow! I've been looking for Anguish Languish for years, and I just discovered the ENTIRE BOOK is at everything2.com. (Which site embodies everything that's wonderful about the internet, imho.) Just go to the site and type "anguish languish" into the search box.

In other news, I was in a meeting earlier today, and I said "We need to get this report to the review committee as soon as we can. They've been craunching the marmoset long enough." And nobody batted an eye.

Post by **Nanohedron** » Wed Mar 26, 2003 1:19 pm

I can't see the phrase "craunching the marmoset" without thinking "spanking the monkey". Apologies, but I couldn't resist. It just fits, somehow.

Jerry Freeman · Post by **Jerry Freeman** » Wed Mar 26, 2003 1:22 pm

Great find!

I like the chapter headings:

Furry Tells
Lath Thing Thumb Thongs

(My wife will be VERY annoyed.)

Best wishes,
Jerry

Jerry Freeman · Post by **Jerry Freeman** » Wed Mar 26, 2003 1:27 pm

Pitter Paper

Pitter Paper peeked or parker peckled paupers
Or packer peckled paupers pitter paper peeked
Aft Pitter Paper peeked or packer peckled paupers
Ware aster packer peckled paupers debt pitter paper peeked?

(This must be read aloud to be appreciated.)

Ro3b · Post by **Ro3b** » Wed Mar 26, 2003 2:53 pm

This is truly the work of a genius.

Zubivka · Post by **Zubivka** » Wed Mar 26, 2003 3:10 pm

Jerry Freeman wrote:Adage cur itching wart

Here goes again

Jerry, someday we'll need a whole new thread for you to explain what's the exact relationship between you and warts...

BTW did your book mention anything useful about curing Wart hogs?