Feathers on my mind...

[GaryKelly]

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They
head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
"Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies
in dat cage up dere," says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Paddy
and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's
truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.

At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000'
foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place."
He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them
on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the
bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at
the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his
head and says,
"Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n
dangerous for me!"

THERE'S MORE

Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass.
He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the
edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag
in one and and a shotgun in the other.
"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says.
He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself
over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half
way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the
parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down
until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in
his body. Paddy shakes his head and says,
"And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!"

IT IS NOT OVER YET

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing
two friends when Sean Og appears. He's also been to
the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag out of
which he pulls a chicken. Sean Og then hurls
himself off the cliff and disappears down and down
until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
"Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his
budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting...and now
Sean Og and his fook'n hengliding!"

[Walden]

A flea and a fly in a flue,
Were imprisoned; now what could they do?
Said the fly, "let us flee."
"Let us fly," said the flea,
And they flew through a flaw in the flue.

-- an old Limerick

[jim stone]

Sweet Rosie O Grady
A fisherman's daughter by birth,
She got tired of living
And decided to leave the earth.
She lay down by a sewer
And by a sewer she died,
And at the Coroner's Inquest,
Whyyyyyyy,
They called it sewercide.

Alternatively,
She lay down by a mattress
Whyyyyyyyy,
They called it mattresside

She lay down by a parrot,
Whyyyyy
They called it parrotcide......

Works well at sessions.

[jim stone]

Ooops, I forgot.
She lay down by an insect,
Whyyyyyyyyyy,
They called it insecticide.

[avanutria]

There was a young man from Dun Laoghaire
Who propounded an interesting thaoghaire:
That the language of Erse
Has a shortage of verse
'Cos the spelling makes poets so waoghaire.

[Will O'B]

Enjoyed it, Gary.

Will O'Ban (God stepped out)

[dubhlinn]

An Irish Joke.

An old man is coming to the end of a long hard life.
The greater part of his life was spent in and around Crossmaglen,a Republican stronghold.As the Reaper draws nearer,a rumour circulates around the village that this old man is intent on converting to the Protestant faith before he expires.
The local battalion of the Irish Republican Army get to hear this rumour and decide to send a delegation to visit the old man.On arriving at his little white cottage they are greeted by the mans wife and informed that the end is very near.They demand an audience and, has is often the case in these matters, their demands are met.
Escorted to the dying mans last room in this world ,they whisper gently to him that when they find the source of the rumour,a serious bit of kneecapping will take place.
To their surprise the old man lifts his head slightly and appeals for restraint because it is not a rumour and he is waiting on the local Vicar to come over and preform the conversion.
Aghast,the leader of the delegation pleads with the man to come to his senses,reminding him that for generations the old mans family have been in the very front lines of the sacred cause.,and every relative of his in living memory has fought against oppression and slavery.
The old man,struggling to speak,informs them that he has thought long and hard about the matter and there is no going back now.
Gently squeezing the hand of the spokesman He looks up from his dying bed to whisper "Isn't it a far better thing, that it's one of those Basmatis that dies and not one of us".

Slan,
D.

[Nanohedron]

There was a young man from Dun Laoghaire
Who propounded an interesting thaoghaire:
That the language of Erse
Has a shortage of verse
'Cos the spelling makes poets so waoghaire.

LOL!!

[Nanohedron]

Excellent joke, Dubh. I'll be telling that one tonight!

[Will O'B]

Ah, Dubhlinn, I see that both you and Gary have mastered the fine art of storytelling. It does my heart good to hear stories told so well.

Will O'Ban

[Nanohedron]

Here's another one (Dubhlinn's probably already heard it):

An IRA operative was at confession. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest asked, "What did you do, my son?" The operative replied, "I blew up the Belfast railway." "Te absolvo," said the priest, "And for your penance you must do the Stations."

[Darwin]

Not quite on the same level as the foregoing (though it mentions Irishmen), but when I attended summer camp i(n 1952, at the age of 9) we had a competition once a week where each cabin would sing a song before dinner, and the winners got an extra dessert. One week, my cabin raised a few eyebrows by singing the following. However, my memory doesn't go beyond a few verses.

Two Irishmen, two Irishmen
A-diggin' in a ditch
One called the other a
Dirty son of a

Pitched me out the window
Landed on a rock
Bee came along and
Stung me on my

Cocktail, ginger ale
Ten cents a class
If you don't like it, you can
Cram it up your

Ask me no questions
I'll tell you no lies
[and here the memory goes blank]

[suejnnhe]

Ooooooooh! I had to move my parrot to the other room lest he become upset at the content of this thread!