Advice sought -- Do you share your instruments?

[fluti31415]

So she's a singer who doesn't sing, and a beginner harpist who doesn't own a harp, so she isn't going to be practising or improving?

Sounds like a wannabee musician who can't be bothered to put the time, money or effort into her music, and she has no place in the band.

Oops, she owns a pedal harp, but it's too heavy to take out of her home. She would practice on the pedal harp, but if she's playing out somewhere, she would need an instrument.

[hyldemoer]

If you feel uncomfortable about her borrowing your harp and you feel equally uncomfortable sharing the real reasons with her, lie.

Tell her something like your cat urinated in the harp's case, you can't afford to replace it just now, and you've got personal policy of never taking a musical instrument out of the house without the protection of a case.

[Redwolf]

So she's a singer who doesn't sing, and a beginner harpist who doesn't own a harp, so she isn't going to be practising or improving?

Sounds like a wannabee musician who can't be bothered to put the time, money or effort into her music, and she has no place in the band.

Oops, she owns a pedal harp, but it's too heavy to take out of her home. She would practice on the pedal harp, but if she's playing out somewhere, she would need an instrument.

I can see not wanting to lug a pedal harp to a rehearsal, if there's a harp there you can use, but there's no reason not to take it to a gig...pedal harpists do it all the time! Also the tension is considerably higher on a pedal harp (and many of the techniques...not the least of which is playing accidentals!...are quite different).

I'd say if she wants to play lever in performance, she needs to be practicing on a lever harp.

Redwolf

[lalit]

Is it really that "coldhearted"? Try this on for size... Let's consider the "band" as just as tangible an instrument as your harp is for making music. Only now you have the investment of several others at risk as well, where every musician involved has to care for the instrument. If the efforts of your other bandmates are being stunted by this half hearted musician, it's conceivable that eventually they will become frustrated enough with always having to work toward her least common denominator that they will simply walk away.

Coming off of a really great set where everyone was in the groove and feeling each other will really add fuel to the fire and boost morale and excitement in advancing the band. Instances where this will ALMOST happen because of the instrumentless vo-flu-harpist will throw a wet blanket on it all. It could cause much more resentment toward her than letting her know she really has to close the gap from where she is and where the band needs her to be.

You make some good points there, Scott McC.

My band finally parted ways with a half-hearted member, after trying for some time to get the person to "close the gap." What ensued after the person's departure was that our creativity level shot up dramatically, we have more fun, more energy, and a better sound. We hadn't even realized how much we were holding back to accomodate that person.

[Martin Milner]

So she's a singer who doesn't sing, and a beginner harpist who doesn't own a harp, so she isn't going to be practising or improving?

Sounds like a wannabee musician who can't be bothered to put the time, money or effort into her music, and she has no place in the band.

Oops, she owns a pedal harp, but it's too heavy to take out of her home. She would practice on the pedal harp, but if she's playing out somewhere, she would need an instrument.

Fair enough. She still doens't have an instrument she can play on in public then, so she's still not pulling her weight.

I agree with what others hav esid recently - she's pulling the rest of you back and it's a question of whether she ups her input, or you lose someone else.

People who are serious about their music do not sell off their instruments to pay for other things - they cling to them and eat baked beans on toast.

[Caj]

Yeah, if you're uncomfortable with it, then maybe you should follow your gut.

I have a low whistle I lent out to a friend, but that's different. I'm not into it right now (concertina for me,) he can play the whistle much better than I can, and it's a big hunk of thick aluminum pipe. If he finds a way to break that sucker, then he's earned the right.

I've been in sesh situations where I was uncomfortable and should have followed my gut, but didn't. A fellow sessioneer put out a tip jar, which didn't bother anyone; then later she got a bit too imposing about it, mentioning a "suggested donation" in session announcements, and then "passing the hat," so to speak, during breaks.

That made me uncomfortable. I asked if that was necessary and got a response about how she organized the sesh and had all these expenses like gas. Okay, I kept my mouth shut. Later she made an arrangement with the venue owner to enforce a cover charge! I mean, to see a session, not a show. And it's a slow session, with several people reading from sheet music.

Worse yet, I found out that she charged a cover for a previous session without my knowledge. Apparently she mentioned a cover charge in a local newspaper announcement, but her email announcement that went to us only mentioned the usual "suggested donation." I did think it was weird the way the tip jar was so enforced that night.

Anyways, I had to quit at that point because I felt wrong charging money so see a slow session. Plus I felt a bit taken advantage of. The thing is, maybe if I put my foot down earlier it wouldn't have become so ridiculous. If you lend out your harp for performances against your better judgement, then 3 months later it will be worse if you feel compelled to put your foot down.

Caj

[mutepointe]

so, who got to keep the money in the tip jar? did all the folks in the session get to share? i'm guessing everyone had some gas money involved. i could see taking some expenses off the top (like paper, stamps, envelopes, phone calls to administer the session) but to ask for money because you sent an e mail? yikes.

[Congratulations]

I think there are other considerations that haven't been covered, band-related social considerations, if you will.

When asked by someone if they can borrow your instrument, you must first ask yourself "Would I like to have sex with this person?" This is especially important if asked by a girl singer.

If the answer is "No, I would not," then you are under no obligation to give her your instrument, and the discussion should be closed.

If however, your answer ranges from "I could be persuaded" to "Holy crap, yes," then you must ask yourself "What are my chances of getting to do that based simply upon my personality and demeanor?"

If you answer is "Pretty damn good. I'm hot," then lending the instrument is superfluous and the discussion should be closed.

If, however, you have the social sensibilities of a troll and the answer is "I don't stand a prayer in hell," then you must ask yourself "Would letting her use my instrument increase the chances of my getting to have sex with this person?"

If the answer to this question is "Get real," the discussion should be closed. Forget about her playing your instrument and instead concentrate on playing it yourself, perhaps in a different band.

But if the answer is "It's worth a shot," then . . . well, give her your instrument and let her pluck away.

Could I get a flow chart of that, please?

[alurker]

Gonzo has the wisdom of Solomon. It is no wonder they elected him pope.

I possess about 1/4 the number of CD's I have purchased over the years because I tend to give them away to musos who would enjoy them more than myself. I lend my laptop, my car, my tools, everything and anything.........except my instrument. There is something personal, precious and irreplacable about an instrument you spend so many hours practicing and playing. When I was playing a lot, I used to wake up with it in bed with me, having has a nightmare that someone had broken in and was trying to steal it. (It's just as well I don't play a pedal harp.)

A bit of sharing on the same topic: I was having a chat at the bar with a (great) flute player during a session one night in the West Kerry fishing town of Dingle. His flute was on the table. This eejit came over and asked to borrow the flute and proceeded to launch into some dreadful new-age head-up-your-a$$ number. The owner turned to me and said:

"Can I borrow your flute?" - 'tis a bit like: "Can I borrow your trawler, I want to go fishing!".

Summed it up pretty well I thought.

[fluti31415]

For those of who might care (or at least be curious), the issue has been resolved. She has left the band on her own. She did recognize that without an instrument, it would be hard to participate.

Since we are friends, and see each other every few weeks or so, I am not particularly worried about the flute.

Again, thank you all for your advice. I am really thankful for the support as well as the interest you all showed!

[Whistlin'Dixie]

So there's a happy ending for all involved...

FWIW, I have lent my flutes for folks to try, even to borrow for months on end, but never THE flute, which is irreplaceable to me, and which I would be devastated if anything happened to it.....

M

[fluti31415]

So there's a happy ending for all involved...

FWIW, I have lent my flutes for folks to try, even to borrow for months on end, but never THE flute, which is irreplaceable to me, and which I would be devastated if anything happened to it.....

M

I'm with you. THE flute stays here with me. The flute I tried to sell on eBay but didn't get a high enough bid for, that I might be able to talk her into buying, she can borrow.