second grade humor

[Coffee]

What's red and smells like blue paint?



Red paint.

[Coffee]

How do you get an elephant into a Safeway bag?

You have to take the s out of safe and f out of way.

[Innocent Bystander]

How do you get an elephant into a Safeway bag?

You have to take the s out of safe and f out of way.

Mystified. Please explain.

Meanwhile:

"What is green and sticky, has wheels, hangs on the wall and whistles?"

"I give up, what?"

"A herring!"

"A herring doesn't have wheels!"

"You can put wheels on a herring if you like!"

"A herring isn't green!"

"You can paint it - then it's green, and sticky too!"

"A herring doesn't hang on a wall!"

"There's nothing to stop you hanging a herring on a wall..."

"A herring doesn't whistle!"

"You're right. I just put that in to make it difficult."

[Coffee]

How do you get an elephant into a Safeway bag?

You have to take the s out of safe and f out of way.

Mystified. Please explain.

Someone hearing the joke would reply "there's no "f" in way!

If confused, say "there's no 'f' in way!" aloud.

[Innocent Bystander]

Thank you, there is no confusion about that.

[I.D.10-t]

Hey, Wikipedia has an article on Elephant jokes!

[WyoBadger]

How do you tell if you have an elephant in your fridge?

Footprints in the butter.

[dwest]

How do you tell if you have an elephant in your fridge?

Footprints in the butter.

Whale that's real funny. How do whales check their weight? Fish scales.
Why did the fish cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.

[I.D.10-t]

How do you tell if there is an elephant in the room?
Send in 6 blind men and have a wise man interpret their findings.

(Sorry, been clicking on to many wikipedia links)

[Joseph E. Smith]

How does an elephant get out of a tree?

He waits until fall and then takes a leaf.

[djm]

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
A: "Here come the elephants."

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?
A: Nothing. He didn't recognize them.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a jar of peanut butter?
A: Either an elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth, or peanut butter that never forgets.

Q: Why are fire engines red?
A: It's because a fire engine with long ladders is manned by twelve men, and there are twelve inches in a foot, and a foot makes a ruler, and although Queen Elizabeth was a ruler she was also a ship, and the ship had fins, and the Finns fought the Russians, and the Russians are red, and that's why fire engines are red.

Q: Why a duck?

djm

[gregdidge]

Q: Why a duck?djm

A: No silly camels don't eat ice cream!

[Ceili_whistle_man]

djm asked;

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?

A: Swim!!

Q: Who's the biggest killer under the sea?
A: Jack the kipper.

[mutepointe]

How do you get an elephant into a Safeway bag?

You have to take the s out of safe and f out of way.

Thanks. I just told this joke to my wife who knows everything. She fell right into it and laughed her ass off.

[Innocent Bystander]

Q:Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

A: So they can hide in cherry trees.

Q: What is yellow and highly dangerous?

A: Shark-infested custard.

Q: What did Hannibal do when the elephants charged him?

A: He paid up.