Dear Abby...

[gonzo914]

If this is about humility . . .

Methinks it be quite the opposite.

[MagicSailor]

Hiya Cranberry

I think you'll just have to forgive people for loving you.

Seriously, how about telling them that "if you feel you really must do something, then please just make a small donation to [name your favourite charity]".

Would that work for you at all? You might have to give a couple of options. I never give to religiously based charities because I reckon humans should not need a religious reason to be kind to each other.

Are you OK with gifts the rest of the year? What if someone comes to you at any other time of the year and says "I saw this at .... and just knew you would love it." That OK?

PS. When's your birthday?

Regards,

Owen Morgan

Yacht Magic
Anchored in the lagoon, St Maarten

My new blog.
Click here for my latest reported position. (Use the satellite view.)

[fyffer]

OK, I don't have any better advice than has already been offered, but I do have a question for you, Cran:

Would you object to someone sending you a gift/card/money "Just because"?
I mean, there are plenty of "Just Thinking of You" Hallmark cards out there. It couldn't possibly be offensive (in my humble and possibly highly ignorant opinion), regardless of one's religious convictions, to simply accept someone's good wish, be it in the form of a phone call, visit, cheesy card, or gift if it really was "Just because" they love you.

Just curious.

And if you don't object, I wish you a sincere "Happy Day!"

[PallasAthena]

I don't know if these would work in your situation, but I do have two ideas:
1. Encourage them to make a donation to something on your birthday in stead of giving you anything material (I think someone already suggested that)...
2. Can you accept gifts at other times? If so, suggest that they send you gifts for other reasons that are OK with your faith.

[Aanvil]

What faith, other than the JWs, has this moratorium on birthday gifts?

[djm]

Instead of getting you birthday cards and gifts, ask all these people to imagine you are just about to be released from jail, and for them to get you something appropriate to that occassion.

(I'm rollin' now!)

djm

[emmline]

Could it be that your friends and family don't share your religious views? They're celebrating your birthday whether you do or not. And clearly, receiving these gifts aren't causing you to celebrate. So, where exactly is the conflict here?

I've no African heritage, but if someone were to give me a Kwanzaa present, I surely wouldn't send it back and ask them to stop. That seems a bit obnoxious, don't you think?

I agree with Wanderer completely here.
You are asking people not to display what is --as far as they're concerned-- caring conscientious behavior.

This is a live and let live situation.
Your religious beliefs regarding this--however quaint they may be--are apparently in direct opposition to the beliefs of your friends. Find a way to get over it, work, around it, live with it. Don't insist they change. You don't appear to be willing to do so.
Let them be themselves. Some will "get it" and stop. Some won't.
Donating is an excellent way to defer the gift to someone more in need.

[Innocent Bystander]

I'd very much like to forget my birthday (and my age). I do my best. I can't stop people sending me cards & presents. I thank them nicely. And I send them cards and presents in turn as appropriate.
No religious convictions, just a dislike of the noise and fuss. I'd probably prefer the Chinese model, where at the Chinese New Year, it's EVRYBODY's Birthday!

But you can't give directions to people about your birthday AND remain polite. It's flying in the face of kindly convention and gives people pain and a headache. Is that what you meant to do? It's one of those situations which could be resolved by a carefully planned series of assassinations. But you'd regret it.

Lighten up, dude. Get with the groove. Show a little class. (Blame your meds. )

[Denny]

HO retracted by horse's ass

[mutepointe]

dear cranberry:

i understand you. i know (kind of) how you feel. my situation isn't exactly similar to your situation but it's close enough. my wife and i only celebrate (and i use that term loosely) our birthdays with our families and intimate friends. we don't have cake, we don't have ice cream, we don't have a party. we will give each other presents (we're not stupid, a present is a present.) but we don't want our co-workers to find out from personnel when our bithdays are and we don't want them to chip in a give us a present. we don't want the neighbors to know. and we don't tell everyone on our birthday "hey, today's my birthday." if we get on a list, we politely ask to get off the list. that usually works. we do celebrate other people's birthdays if we're expected to. we do send our family and friends birthday cards and we do accept presents from our families. if we could get our families and friends to quit celebrating our birthdays, that would be great. believe me, it would be no financial loss, except for one of my brothers who is truly celebrating our birthdays but he'll celebrate anything. if you nip things in the bud and do so politely, over time less and less people will celebrate your birthday. it'll be a process.

if people give you a present and you feel you shouldn't accept it, then pass it along to someone else asap and send a thank you. tell them in the thank you card what you did with the present and how good it made that person and you feel. once people realize that you're not keeping these things, especially if you donate to a charity or homeless person, they'll start giving less and less or donate directly themselves.

don't even get me started on christmas presents.

i'm guessing there are no "crosses" in your religion but maybe this is your cross to bear (ha ha.)

[emmline]

if people give you a present and you feel you shouldn't accept it, then pass it along to someone else asap and send a thank you. tell them in the thank you card what you did with the present and how good it made that person and you feel.

I like this.

[anniemcu]

Mutey's got the right of it, I think.

And, given that Cran has expressed his wish to not have such things done, it really is a bit of a question as to whether folks are actually wanting to give him something he really wants (respect for his convictions, and therefore, no gifts or announcement or acknowledgement of his birth date), or what *they* want, a show of their 'respect' for him. .. which in and of itself actually shows the opposite... a disrespect of his wishes. ... not unlike some of the seriously disrespectful posts in this thread.

I saw his post as a fairly straightforward and logical request to peers for input on how to deal with what is an actual and ongoing problem for him, not some 'lookit me!', 'ain't I the pious one?' shtick. When someone chooses to try to turn it into something else, it isn't actually Cran that looks bad. I mean, Halloween is coming, and all that, but that horse's rear mask isn't all that becoming, you know.

[jim stone]

I figure it's simple--your friends in this situation matter
more than you do. Giving you the gifts/cards
makes them happy. So accept the cards/gifts
and thank them.

e.g. vegetarianism. If I'm a Buddhist vegetarian
and I go to grandma's for dinner and she serves
turkey I eat the turkey. Without comment,
except to say: 'YOu outdid yourself, grandma.'

Religious views can become a kind of idolatry.
God is love.

[mukade]

Why does your religion forbid you to celebrate birthdays?

I don't want to argue the point. I am just interested why.

Mukade

[Lambchop]

I'd be interested in knowing that, too. From what you've told us, Cran, you're a Quaker. Are you now leaning more toward Jehovah's Witness?

What is a Quaker?

We are a diverse group and come to our understanding of issues as we seek divine guidance. We have no formal creeds nor doctrines. Our greatest asset is the "gathered" Meeting. It is in worshiping together that we become one and are energized to go forth showing God's truth on earth in our daily lives.

It may be difficult to be a Quaker as it is a pragmatic faith that depends upon the inner experience. As the inner experience is cultivated, our faith and our daily actions are part of our daily living. Quaker values of simplicity, truth, integrity, peace, equality, unity, silent comtemplation, and respect for one another are part of us.

If we see that of God in every person that we meet and love our neighbors as ourselves, the best of one another shines forth.

This looks to be a middle-of-the-road Quaker meeting. If you read down the page, they describe how they celebrate birthdays.