The International Bagpipe Tuning Standard

Jose' Scotte' Este' · Post by **Jose' Scotte' Este'** » Sat Sep 20, 2008 4:00 pm

I know Uilliam closed his post, but the topic of tuning reminded me of one the jokes I usually tell when I am setting up to play with others. Usually, folks are watching what I am doing because they may not have seen or heard the pipes before. When I have enough attention, I often say "I tune to the international bagpipe standard." Folks always ask what that standard is, and I always reply, "Whatever pitch they are playing right now!"

There has not been much enthusiasm for others to tune to me (especially by the harp and box players), and a remarkable lack of sympathy regarding my tuning woes.

I did a little search, and didn't find any thread on bagpipe jokes, so I thought I would see if anyone is interested in sharing theirs (again??).

An old favorite to get things started: What's the difference between a piper and a pizza? Answer: A pizza can feed a family of four.

Uilliam · Post by **Uilliam** » Sun Sep 21, 2008 5:38 am

Jose' Scotte' Este' wrote:
An old favorite to get things started: What's the difference between a piper and a pizza? Answer: A pizza can feed a family of four.

Not in Scotland it can't

Uilliam

snoogie · Post by **snoogie** » Sun Sep 21, 2008 8:02 am

The one I use is: You know how you can tell a bagpipe is out of tune? Someone is playing it.

Seriously, though I unless the weather is changing rapidly, I rarely have debilitating tuning issues. I check my A against a tuner before I head off to the session and then push any other notes that might be a bit off into tune as I go.

But this thread is about jokes, not tuning, so here's a few more.

How do you get perfect pitch on a set of bagpipes? Its not easy, you have to get the right loft to pitch them into the center of the pond

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the bagpipe band warming up.

tansy · Post by **tansy** » Sun Sep 21, 2008 8:17 am

If you put lipstick on a piper, he's still a piper

Key_of_D · Post by **Key_of_D** » Sun Sep 21, 2008 8:48 am

tansy wrote:If you put lipstick on a piper, he's still a piper

Oh God... That is no longer politically fair game to use in these United States... Hockey Moms and Obamanations.... blah!

And for Jokes...

How many uilleann pipers does it take to change a lightbulb? Five, one to handle the bulb and the other four to contemplate how Willie Clancy would have done it.

Why did the uilleann piper get mad at the drummer? He moved a drone and wouldn't tell him which one.

How is playing the uilleann pipes like throwing a javelin blindfolded? You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

Why are the pipes the only instrument declared safe by the National Transportation & Safety Board? Because they have seatbelts and an airbag.

Philipp · Post by **Philipp** » Sun Sep 21, 2008 9:08 am

What's the difference between a bagpipe and a lawnmower? - You can tune a lawnmower!

Cheers,

Philipp

Jeff Cullen · Post by **Jeff Cullen** » Sun Sep 21, 2008 11:26 am

Q. What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

A. Homeless.

mayo_piper · Post by **mayo_piper** » Sun Sep 21, 2008 1:22 pm

Q. What's the differnce between an onion and a bagpipe?

A. Nobody crys when you chop up a bagpipe ...

bensdad · Post by **bensdad** » Mon Sep 22, 2008 7:57 am

What's the difference between a skunk that's been run over on the highway and a piper who's been run over on the highway?

(No not the one about the skid marks)

The skunk was on his way to a gig

feadogin · Post by **feadogin** » Mon Sep 22, 2008 9:59 am

tansy wrote:If you put lipstick on a piper, he's still a piper

C'mon, now, some of us do wear lipstick every once in a while.

Pat Cannady · Post by **Pat Cannady** » Mon Sep 22, 2008 11:40 am

What do pipers use as contraception?

Their personalities!

Wanderer · Post by **Wanderer** » Mon Sep 22, 2008 11:43 am

(usually asked to an audience member sitting nearby)

You know how long it takes to tune that thing?

Nobody else does either.

O_Gaiteiro_do_Chicago · Wed Sep 24, 2008 8:47 am

Why are pipes better than a flute?.................They burn longer.

pancelticpiper · Post by **pancelticpiper** » Fri Sep 26, 2008 6:11 am

Reminds me of the banjo player jokes...

What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead banjo player in the road?

The snake was on his way to a gig.

What's the difference between a banjo player and a man?

You've never heard anyone yell "banjo player overboard!"

How can you tell when a banjo player is at your doorstep?

By the pizza in his hand.

I left my banjo on the back seat of my car when I went into the pub. When I came out the back window was smashed out, and there were TWO banjos on the back seat!

What's perfect pitch on the banjo?

When you toss it in a dumpster, and it lands on a accordion.

djm · Post by **djm** » Fri Sep 26, 2008 6:25 am

Difference between a bagpipe and a chainsaw: the chainsaw has a greater dynamic range.

djm

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The International Bagpipe Tuning Standard

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