More jokes needed please!

devondancer · Post by **devondancer** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 12:12 pm

Lesley is still hanging on, fighting hard and fed up! She cannot believe that she "did it again", as she puts it, and has messed up her recovery. She is definitely down today. Nose hair is old news - I took some other printouts with me, and she enjoyed them, but they didn't have the same effect! She did appreciate the kind offers of hair / full fleeces etc, though!

Normally she is so positive that I hate to see her like this, although I think it is inevitable. She has fought so hard and refused to give up again and again, only to be let down by, I quote, her "stupid heart". I keep reminding her that she can still use her hands: that ability has not abandoned her, and that other ability will return slowly, and she is very good, but has had enough. She has not yet moved her legs at all independently and although we don't mention it I know that is very much on her mind. She refers to herself as "devonplodder" at the moment, which I find heartbreaking.

Please help me find things to make devondancer laugh again! You have been so magnificent, I know something will come up!

Thank you again for your help, care and encouragement.

Roland

Byll · Post by **Byll** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 12:45 pm

A PM awaits you, Roland.
Best.
Byll

Jerry Freeman · Post by **Jerry Freeman** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 12:53 pm

Well, OK.

Try this thread:
http://chiffboard.mati.ca/viewtopic.php?t=32664

and this one:
http://chiffboard.mati.ca/viewtopic.php?t=50483

Best wishes,
Jerry

devondancer · Post by **devondancer** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:03 pm

Thank you, Bill.

And Jerry - that's just what she needs! And she loves the insights into the lives of her friends on the board, most of which are so different from our own, and yet we share so many interests. Typical nurse: always nosy!

Bodily functions are fine, whoever suggested them in an earlier thread! As I said, she is a nurse, and knows more about bodily functions than she cares to, some days.

Ro

I.D.10-t · Post by **I.D.10-t** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:09 pm

This thread may be of interest.

Jerry Freeman · Post by **Jerry Freeman** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:14 pm

devondancer wrote:And she loves the insights into the lives of her friends on the board ... .

In that case, try this one:
http://chiffboard.mati.ca/viewtopic.php?t=22637

Best wishes,
Jerry

Flyingcursor · Post by **Flyingcursor** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:46 pm

I.D.10-t wrote:This thread may be of interest.

What a great thread it was. Some of you actually went to the effort of putting down real punch lines. I think the beauty is that anything can be a punch line if you don't tell the joke.

For example: The bartender said, "anything can be a punchline if you don't tell a joke."

See?

Denny · Post by **Denny** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 1:54 pm

.....and there was Flyingcursor, just standing in the middle of it!

Innocent Bystander · Post by **Innocent Bystander** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 2:45 pm

There was one I saw on the "Overheard in Dublin" website - which is worth a look.

This fella in the pub has a new mobile phone, which he is showing to his cronies. They are admiring it when it rings. He answers it, with some surprise. It is his wife.
"How did you know I was here?" he asks, and then wonders why his mates are all laughing.

Flogging Jason · Post by **Flogging Jason** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:00 pm

So Tori Spelling walks into a bar. Bartender says, "why the long face?"

What was Pink Floyd and Dale Earnhardt's greatest hit? The Wall!
(I apologize to any nascar fans out there in Chiffland)

Here's a joke that doesn't work without verbal interperetation:

What does it sound like when a brown cow and a brown chicken are making love? "Brown-chicken-brown-cow!" (think 70's funk/lichen music and the "bow-chika-bow-wow"...get it?)

That's all I got for now......that's appropriate in mixed company anyways.

Congratulations · Post by **Congratulations** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:58 pm

THE GREATEST JOKE EVER TOLD:

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "It's getting pretty hot in here." The second muffin turns to the first and says, "HOLY CRAP A TALKING MUFFIN!"

THE SECOND GREATEST JOKE EVER TOLD:

So this drunk walks out of a bar and sees a nun down an alleyway across the street. He goes over to her, and he pushes her. He just pushes this nun, and she falls. So he starts kicking her. He's just kicking this nun, and she's screaming. This goes on, and finally he stops, and he looks down at her, and he's breathing heavy, and he says, "What do you think NOW, Batman?"

Doc Jones · Post by **Doc Jones** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 10:24 pm

Here are a bunch Roland.

Doc

http://chiffboard.mati.ca/viewtopic.php ... sc&start=0

anniemcu · Post by **anniemcu** » Fri Aug 15, 2008 11:05 pm

So.. ye remember me kid sister, Mary? She married Tommy Fitzgerald... yeah... that's the one.

Well, anyways, seems Tommy's brother's gone and taken up wit another man to live... yeah... yeah... I know what yer thinkin'... an ye may jest be right... but me... I'm thinking this could just be a match made in heaven... ye know? ... Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick...

... What?!?

devondancer · Post by **devondancer** » Sat Aug 16, 2008 1:39 am

I knew I could count on you!
She will love these.

Ro

FJohnSharp · Post by **FJohnSharp** » Sat Aug 16, 2008 9:11 am

The only joke I ever made up (though it goes over better in a crowd of food scientists)

A priest, a rabbi and a starch granule walk into a bar. The bartender ask the priest, "Wottl you have?"

The priest says, "A wee glass of Irish whisky would be fine."

Tha bartender asks the rabbi, "What can I get for you?"

The rabbi says, "A glass of wine would be perfect."

Then the bartender turns to the starch granule and asks, "For you?," and the starch granule says, "A glass of water would be swell."