A barren and desolate life?

[Flyingcursor]

This isn't a medical post nor a "feel sorry for myself" post. It's about something I heard on TV. Apparently we are all leading barren and desolate lives just for being on this board.

About the only TV show I like to watch is Forensic Files so I usually catch a couple of episodes a week.

Sunday I watched a typical episode. A woman is murdered, the husband is the prime suspect and forensic evidence leads to a conviction.
Nothing new about that, they're all the same.
But, one of the detectives interviewed for the show said something that bothered me.

It appears that as the victim's marriage deteriorated she spent more time online and eventually made friends with a person named Chris. After awhile the victim and Chris became very close and spent hours not only chatting online but talking on the phone. Their relationship began to flower into more then just a friendship.
The narrator kept repeating the phrase, "..her husband wasn't prepared for the terrible secret of her relationship with Chris."

Just before the end of the show they revealed that Chris was a woman and here's where the detective uttered his disturbing remark.
He said (paraphrased), "It's just an example of how barren and desolate her life had become that she would grasp at any straw...."

Wait a minute! From the context it was clear that the detective was referring primarily to the online nature of her relationship first and the potentially lesbian nature of the relationship second.

I'm more concerned with the fact that this guy saw her online relationship as an example of a barren and desolate life. That really bothered me. Where does he get off deciding that online relationships are indicative of a wasted life?

Take a look at this board for cryin out loud. Look at the examples of all the barren and desolate lives:

We have a son who gets online to tell us when one of our members has died. What an example of a barren and desolate life.
We have a terrified husband, who's never even been on the board, come to this place to share his fears over his wife's illness. Yep, an example.
We have someone grieving over their lost dog.
A deaf flute player wanting to hear again.
What about the time of the London bombing when a bunch of us tried to find out if Redwolf was OK??? Heck I called three
Episcopal churches to find out if she was in their congregation. That was a barren and desolate act if there ever was one! (I never got an answer).
And of course there's the ultimate in "barren and desolate" when Beth and Martin, who met on this board, ended up getting married.
The list goes on.

It bothers me that people like that can make such harsh judgements simply because a person found solace over the internet, and worse, the woman wasn't even alive to defend herself.

I guess I've been online too long because I never realized there were still people who think those of us who are part of an online community have our heads in the sand.

[emmline]

I guess involvement in an online community can signify many things.
I might be that a person has a barren and desolate life and reaches into the 'net to establish contact.

It might--and I think in our case often does--mean that you do something which involves a lot of time with a computer. That, in itself, can be a little isolating, so checking in with the Chiff (or other message board) is a way of interspersing alone time with a bit of life and chat. I would guess that this explains it for the majority of us who hang out frequently.

I will admit that it was changes in a relationship's chemistry and dynamics (no one's fault--irremediable health condition) that probably catalyzed my gradually coming to appreciate the characters and color that are found in abundance here. But beyond that I would certainly not characterize my life, otherwise, as barren and desolate. The opposite is true.

[Denny]

oh, FC we ain't typical
we's poststructural

[BillChin]

I thought that this was going to be about Life on Mars.

There was a popular book out, "Bowling Alone." The main idea is that more people than ever are bowling, but more are bowling alone. It is a lot worse in some other countries (other than the U. S. ).

There is some good from an online community, but it is like listening to MIDI files vs. live music--no substitute, no comparison to the real McCoy.

Some futurists foresee a future where people will entirely have virtual lives. That they will download their personality into computer avatars and live on entirely in the virtual world after their mortal bodies are gone. So some see this as the end all and be all and glorify it. Just as some see this as a wonderful idea, some find it insipid and a waste of time and a waste of a life. The bottom line is who cares what one script writer thinks?

There are some nice people on Chiff. However, I don't consider any of them real friends. If the board went away tomorrow there isn't a single one I would seek out to write, or to visit. I doubt a single one would seek me out to try and write or visit. This is a far cry from my experience in real life, where I make friends easily, and tend to keep the ones I make for a long time.

Yes, some others have had a richer experience online, and some have visited, even married, and made bonds that will last a lifetime.

[djm]

Fer feck's sake, FC, get a life, wouldja?

djm

[MagicSailor]

Hi

I have in my life persued several interests that are not mainstream, so there was no "xxx" community where I lived. When I was living aboard my yacht in Norway, there were very few other liveaboards in my area, so discussions about the things that interested us were normally held via the Internet. Now I'm on my boat in the Caribbean and liveaboards are everywhere, so I don't spend much online time persuing that interest. I was also an active "power user" and programmer of Psion palmtop computers. The only way to keep in touch with other users and programmers was via the Internet.

Now I have an interest in ITM and tin whistles. I don't know anyone else here who plays ITM apart from a little girl I made a whistle for, so if I am to pursue my interest, I turn to the Internet. I also have an interest in renewable energy and radio communications, both for my own use and in my work, but I don't know of anyone on this island who knows more about either topic than me, so again I turn to the Internet to nourish my curiosity. (My ham call is LA7QZ/MM) Just last week I needed a copy of the manual for an antenna tuner I was not familiar with. I posted in the communications forum on the Seven Seas Cruising Assiciation and had a scanned copy of the manual within 12 hours.

I met my fiancee online. Donna is the most wonderful woman in the world and we would probably not have met without the Internet. At the moment we are half a planet apart (I'm in the Caribbean and she's in Michigan), but we are working on that. Neither of us spend much time online when we are together.

I guess I live a barren and desolate life...

Regards,

Owen Morgan

Yacht Magic
Anchored in the lagoon, St Maarten

My new blog.
Click here for my latest reported position. (Use the satellite view.)

[Jack]

I have a wonderful life.

[missy]

Tom and I met via the internet (dulcimer list server).

I've met several C&F in "real" life and consider them friends (you ARE my friend, aren't you Flydood?).

Quite a few C&F I've not met in real life, but hopefully we're also friends.

I've also met and helped others from other boards.

I look at my life as full because of the internet "friendships" I've developed. I work way too much to develop these friendships in "real life" and I wouldn't find as many that are interested in off the wall things.

Plus I continually learn from other posters. How the heck else would I learn what others in other countries think?

[Doc Jones]

I wish my life were a bit more barren and desolate. These 16 hour days are killin' me!

Doc

[cowtime]

It's just an example of how barren and desolate her life had become that she would grasp at any straw...."

Here's the book about that murder- and it's a good one--



I'd hardly call her life barren and desolate- more like life in HELL with a sociopath of a husband who's killed before and will eventually kill her too.
The fun and games at home were what drew her into the internet affair and "Chris" proved helpful in her husband's arrest for her murder(he staged it as a suicide).

[Lambchop]

I think there is still a good bit of negative thinking about the internet. There is a tendency to lump "useless" internet activity, like game-playing and pointless yakking, in with purposeful business or social use. A detective might also think of the negative use of the internet for criminal purposes like child lichen or scamming.

People still fear the internet. You see it when employees refuse to connect to the net to do job-related tasks because "surfing the net" is wrong or students refuse to use web-based course resources because they fear child pornographers will invade their home and victimize their children.

A board like this has a purpose, that of bringing together individuals who have unique and uncommon interests. The intellectual level of posts here is high and the population is stable. I come here as much for the intellectual stimulation as for the chiffy content.

Other sites aren't as focused on "positive, constructive" content, nor do they attract the same caliber of individual. Some of them really do attract the dregs. I think that is the sort of site that woman had been frequenting and that the detective assumed was typical of the net.

[Doug_Tipple]

I have a wonderful life.

And those 14,364 C & F posts are an important part of it, aren't they?

[Unseen122]

oh, FC we ain't typical

Yep that is just what I was thinking, this isn't really a place to find and meet people it is a place to discuss our common interest; Whistles, Flutes, Pipes, Irish Music, and other forms of music on similar instruments. I have always thought of the Pub to be a place where we can talk with our peers, if you will, about things that aren't related to our interests. I don't post here in the pub or the political forum often because most of the time I have people to talk to face to face.

Now things like myspace and blogging to me seems like a waste of time no offense meant to to anyone who enjoys them, but I would rather do other things. There are plenty of stupid things on the internet that aren't worth the time they waste and I think this is what the detective was talking about. But, the Chiff ain't your typical internet community and I have met plenty of chiffers in real life and have found them all to be very nice people, but do I consider them my friends? To some extent but it isn't the same as meeting someone on myspace or the aim chatroom.

[Innocent Bystander]

There are a lot of timewasting occupations on the internet. I was occupied by an internet game call "Tribal Wars" for a while, until I decided it was the multiuser equivalent of a Tamagochi. Ecrase l'infame! And various friends have badgered me to join MySpace, Bebo, Tagged and half a dozen others. So I'm on all of these with one friend each. Now there's lonely and desolate. Somebody asked me to join Facebook and to my surprise, I've found eight people I already know. But will I spend time there? Probably not.

The fact is that whatever you do, you can find somebody who thinks it's wonderful and someone else who thinks it's appalling. That's life.

[avanutria]

It appears that as the victim's marriage deteriorated she spent more time online and eventually made friends with a person named Chris. After awhile the victim and Chris became very close and spent hours not only chatting online but talking on the phone. Their relationship began to flower into more then just a friendship.
The narrator kept repeating the phrase, "..her husband wasn't prepared for the terrible secret of her relationship with Chris."

Just before the end of the show they revealed that Chris was a woman and here's where the detective uttered his disturbing remark.
He said (paraphrased), "It's just an example of how barren and desolate her life had become that she would grasp at any straw...."

Wait a minute! From the context it was clear that the detective was referring primarily to the online nature of her relationship first and the potentially lesbian nature of the relationship second.

I didn't see the episode in question, but from your summary I would have interpreted the "barren and desolate" comment in terms of her unhappy marriage, not her internet activities.

Of course, I am a fan of the internet. Been on it since I was 11, due to living in a semi-rural area with no other kids my age and nothing fun within walking distance. By the time I was a sophomore in college I'd met three people from the internet, and by the time I graduated I had met about 15 or so. (The wife of one of them baked me a birthday cake when I moved to Boise just before my birthday.) After I graduated I moved across the country from NY to Washington - and received accommodation and tunes from a Chiffer every night along the way. And in one case, purchased some whistles!

By now I'd estimate I've probably met about 50 or 60 people from the internet, maybe half of those directly through Chiff, and will be meeting another one soon when she moves to London. But unfortunately I haven't managed to meet Dale yet. Someday!