Pumping Gas, two diary entries by The Undisputed

[Dale]

4/14/08 Stopped for a tank of gas today. Over at the next pump a man was fueling up his big Suburban. He appeared to be in some distress. I finished pumping up the Toyota and said to the man "You know, it's really bad when it costs $33 to fill up a Corolla" and, without hesitating even a beat, as if he was completely prepared for what I had just said, he looked up and said, "Buddy, why don't you just shut up?" There was a tense moment there until he flashed a smile at me and shrugged and said "sorry." I told him, no, I deserved that one.

4/30/08 Fueled up today in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. A woman, maybe in her mid 50's was at the next pump and was holding her credit card and just staring at the pump. Just kind of pointing at the pump and moving her pointing finger in big, loose circle. She looks over and says, "I've never done this before." So, I make sure my gas is flowing and step over to help her. She hands me her credit card. Asks me if she has to have a special card or is her Visa ok. I put it in the slot for her and then tell her you have to pull it out quickly. She fumbles but pulls it out ok. I hesitate and she waits. I pull out the nozzle and ask if she wants Regular and she asks me if I could recommend one of the choices. I tell her Regular is cheaper and is just fine in almost all cars. She asks for Regular and waits. I hand her the nozzle and tell her I'd be glad to assist her if she needs more help. I go back to my car and look and she's managed to get the nozzle into the correct place in her car, but she's just watching the pump. I go back and show her that you that you have to squeeze the lever back against the handle and show her how she can watch how much she's putting in both in dollars and gallons. I go back to my car and think to tell her not to worry--the pump would shut off automatically when the tank is full. She finishes up with no apparent problems. Later I realize she's left her receipt in the pump. No harm done.

Driving away, I had a brief moment of panic. Did I just get scammed? Did she pick my pocket? and I actually patted my butt and found my wallet. No scam.

How do we get to 2008 and this perfectly normal looking woman has never pumped her own gas? What's the back story? Husband suddenly gone? By death or by mid-life crisis? Did the last full-service station in Tuscaloosa, Alabama close down last week? It'll shut off by itself, I had said to her, when it's full. You don't have to worry about that.
I felt something like the beginning of tears as I thought about it, driving away. I'm 52. This is the age where a lot of American men start crying more. And I think about my own father in his 50s. He had always been so stoic, trying to keep the lid on all that WWII stuff. But once I was a young adult, I'd go home for a weekend or a week off, and he'd stand in the driveway as I pulled out to leave and he'd quickly turn away, overcome. Moving quickly back to the house in hopes I couldn't see his tears.

[dubhlinn]

How do we get to 2008 and this perfectly normal looking woman has never pumped her own gas? What's the back story? Husband suddenly gone? By death or by mid-life crisis?

It happens.

Three, maybe four, years back I was flying from Manchester to Dublin - about forty, fifty minutes- and I got chatting to a very charming, witty and interesting woman who I figured to be in her early fifties. She was sitting beside me on the flight itself and a grand crack was had.

The moment we landed in dear old Dublin she asked me how she would go about finding her suitcase. I told her where to go, and considering that I was going that way myself I said "C'mon..follow me".

She did. Literally. Had not got a clue about what happens after ye get off a plane. She kept fiddling around with her wedding ring so I had to ask about the hubby.

"He died two weeks ago" said she, "This is my first time home in twenty years"

There was a long distant relative there to meet her so she was OK..

Goes to show...some people live in very small worlds.


Slan,
D.

[djm]

I knew a woman (she died about 15 years ago at the age of 94) who, when her husband died, didn't know how to unlock her own front door. Her husband had always rushed up to do it for her. She had to be shown how the key and lock worked. Different times, different rules, I guess.

djm

[Dale]

How do we get to 2008 and this perfectly normal looking woman has never pumped her own gas? What's the back story? Husband suddenly gone? By death or by mid-life crisis?

It happens.

Three, maybe four, years back I was flying from Manchester to Dublin - about forty, fifty minutes- and I got chatting to a very charming, witty and interesting woman who I figured to be in her early fifties. She was sitting beside me on the flight itself and a grand crack was had.

The moment we landed in dear old Dublin she asked me how she would go about finding her suitcase. I told her where to go, and considering that I was going that way myself I said "C'mon..follow me".

She did. Literally. Had not got a clue about what happens after ye get off a plane. She kept fiddling around with her wedding ring so I had to ask about the hubby.

"He died two weeks ago" said she, "This is my first time home in twenty years"

There was a long distant relative there to meet her so she was OK..

Goes to show...some people live in very small worlds.


Slan,
D.

Laurie Anderson tells a story about flying next to a woman who had not flown before. She kept looking out the window and saying, look at all the beautiful stars. They're so bright and colorful!

Laurie finally realized that the woman was looking down at the lights of the cities they were flying over.

[I.D.10-t]

I know people that cannot swim or ride a bike.
Choose the positive route of thinking.

[Dale]

I don't think the lady could ride a bike either.

[I.D.10-t]

I remember one time on the east cost a truck was having problems getting up a very shallow slope because the road was iced over. We went to help and the guy said that he didn't understand because his truck had four wheel drive. My friend showed him how to lock and unlock the hubs and how to engage four wheel drive and the driver was very thankful and drove off.

The guy knew nothing about his vehicle.

[emmline]

Here's how we pump gas:
Perpetually perplexed by right/left (ever since a 1981 trip to Scotland,) I pause to think, then park passenger side near pump.
He says "Guess I'm on," and gets out to pump.
Quickly I
a)flip the fuel door release switch on the floor to my left,
b)scurry around the car to stick a card in the card reader, and push "credit," etc while saying "hang on there a sec," because he can't figure out why no gas is flowing.
c)wait for the prompt, then push the "87" (or whatever's cheapest) button while saying "almost ready," because he still can't figure out why no gas is flowing.
d)get back in the driver's seat and wait to input the cost (usually $35-$43) in my goofy little Palm Centro Qwikbudget program.
e)That's all, because now gas is flowing.
I was not born a control freak.
You just don't realize how many cognitive hurdles there are in something as basic as pumping gas until you've witnessed failure to comprehend the steps.
Usually I don't cry anymore. Not about gas, anyway.

[fearfaoin]

How do we get to 2008 and this perfectly normal looking woman has never pumped her own gas? What's the back story?

In New Jersey, you cannot pump your own gas. All stations have pump
jockeys who do it for you. They all have to be certified in Hazmat (which
is the excuse used to cover for having a good gas pumpers' union). When
I lived in Maryland, I met a few people with Jersey plates who had never
pumped their own gas before.

Aren't gas stations interesting places? We have to leave our safety bubbles
and suddenly find ourselves on nodding terms with strangers, with whom
we have a common enemy. Sometimes we get to help each other out in
little ways. I once had a teenage girl come over to me while I was lazily
leaning against my car, asking how I was pumping gas without holding the
handle, as if it were some magic trick. I showed her the little hold-open
latch and told her how it worked. Another time I found a credit card sitting
on the ledge of the pump housing, and was trying to figure out who to call
to report the lost card when a young man drove up and started looking
around frantically. I handed him the card and he looked like I had just
made his week.

Usually I don't cry anymore. Not about gas, anyway.

This thread is giving me a lump in my throat.

[BillChin]

I have a friend that has lived in the U. S. and driven a car for over thirty years. I think that she has pumped her own gas one time in that interval and it was so traumatic an experience, she will likely never do it again.

She has her husband fill the tank, and if he is unavailable, then her son. She is one of the nicest people you might ever meet, but has a gas-pumping phobia amongst a host of others related to cars.

As fearfaoin wrote, there are several states where you are not allowed to pump your own gas. If a tourist from one of those states, drives to another state, they might be like the lady in the original post.

[Caroluna]

How do we get to 2008 and this perfectly normal looking woman has never pumped her own gas? What's the back story? Husband suddenly gone? By death or by mid-life crisis? Did the last full-service station in Tuscaloosa, Alabama close down last week?

I'm in a similar situation, but probably for very different reasons.. I was in an accident in my 20's (broken leg) and developed a deep fear of driving. We lived in college towns for 16 yrs and there was excellent public transportation, so I didn't need to drive. 12 yrs ago we moved to a suburb in the DC area. Drivers here are irritable and aggressive and so I didn't dare venture out on the big roads myself. I joke that I feel about driving the way most people feel about bungee jumping.

I could drive to church, the grocery store and the post office-- small roads, never going above 45 mph. Like an ant laying down a scent trail, once I've driven somewhere a dozen times without incident, the fear subsides. Other than those familiar, safe routes, I've depended on my husband-- he takes me to doctor appointments, etc. I shop online, invite people to my house instead of going over there-- all sorts of ways to get around the problem.

Big changes this year though! My son is coming up on teenagerhood and I know it's so important for him to get out into the world as much as possible. A lot of homeschool kids in our group take classes at the local community college, so that was my goal, to take him to classes there. This was a big deal because it involved highways. Google maps was a huge help. I guess I'm a little map dyslexic, because roadmaps look like a bewildering tangle to me, just a blur of information. But with the Google satellite maps, you can zoom in and out to whatever degree of detail you want. When I was learning to drive to the community college, I got the general route down, and then "drove it" many times with the Google map zoomed in as close as I could get. "Turn here. Change lanes here." I had to study the route for 2 hrs. before I finally "got it".

The class was 16 weeks long. For the first 10 weeks when I drove, my hands were clenched, and I felt sick to my stomach. At least once on every trip I would sort of blank out and have an overwhelming feeling that I had somehow gotten onto the wrong road! After the 10 weeks it got easier, everything looked familiar. By the end it was actually kind of fun.

Putting gas in the car myself was a new venture this year. My husband stepped me through the process at a particular gas station, and after that I could do it myself as long as I went to the exact same gas station.

Last month I was driving my son home from an activity and worried that we were getting awfully close to E. I noticed an unfamiliar gas station not far down the road. I want to model to my son that it's possible to grow and change. "Hey, Kevin, look, a gas station. Should I give this one a try?" "Sure, why not?" "But I've never been to this one." "Mama, they're all the same!" So we pulled in. It took us about 10 minutes to figure it out (the pump turned on / off differently) and I got gasoline on my shoe (the pump made different sounds than my familiar one and I removed it when it sounded full instead of waiting til it clicked off), but otherwise a very positive experience.

Big deal last week when I got lost going home!!! New experience!!! I missed a turn and got stuck on an unfamiliar highway and couldn't figure out how to get off of it (all the turns zoomed by too fast to react to). I felt like I was in a raft heading towards a waterfall. But then I remembered that this road ended in a T somewhere familiar. Wow! Two of my little ant scent trails connected with each other! Who knew.

This weekend I started printing out Google maps on our black and white printer-- they turn out different shades of pale gray-- and then color-colored all my familiar routes with color pencils. This seems to help with the map dyslexia.

So this is really pushing the envelope for me. In fact that's why my current avatar says "metamorphosis"

Interesting that what I wouldn't dare attempt for myself, I'll try to tackle for the sake of my kid.

It'll shut off by itself, I had said to her, when it's full. You don't have to worry about that.

I've been on the receiving end of compassion like that, and it's been so helpful.

[cowtime]

I buy gas six days a week for my mail Jeep. Right now the average is $25 a day. I could pump gas in my sleep.

I couldn't tell you which side to pull on to fuel the car or truck though. My husband does that.

Funny isn't it how things we know and don't even think about are a big deal to someone else.

I'd be one that was "lost" in an airport or on a plane. I've flown exactly five times in my life. The last time was over 10 years ago, way before all the security measures in place now. But now, Mr. D, I don't think I live in a small world, just a different one. Put me in a city or somesuch and I'm out of my element. But the same could be said for a outlander plomped down out in the country.

This is the age where a lot of American men start crying more.

You must be right. My DH began getting all weepy on me about that age. He tells me I am heartless because I'm not doing the same.

[Dale]

How do we get to 2008 and this perfectly normal looking woman has never pumped her own gas? What's the back story? Husband suddenly gone? By death or by mid-life crisis? Did the last full-service station in Tuscaloosa, Alabama close down last week?

I'm in a similar situation, but probably for very different reasons.. I was in an accident in my 20's (broken leg) and developed a deep fear of driving. We lived in college towns for 16 yrs and there was excellent public transportation, so I didn't need to drive. 12 yrs ago we moved to a suburb in the DC area. Drivers here are irritable and aggressive and so I didn't dare venture out on the big roads myself. I joke that I feel about driving the way most people feel about bungee jumping.

I could drive to church, the grocery store and the post office-- small roads, never going above 45 mph. Like an ant laying down a scent trail, once I've driven somewhere a dozen times without incident, the fear subsides. Other than those familiar, safe routes, I've depended on my husband-- he takes me to doctor appointments, etc. I shop online, invite people to my house instead of going over there-- all sorts of ways to get around the problem.

Big changes this year though! My son is coming up on teenagerhood and I know it's so important for him to get out into the world as much as possible. A lot of homeschool kids in our group take classes at the local community college, so that was my goal, to take him to classes there. This was a big deal because it involved highways. Google maps was a huge help. I guess I'm a little map dyslexic, because roadmaps look like a bewildering tangle to me, just a blur of information. But with the Google satellite maps, you can zoom in and out to whatever degree of detail you want. When I was learning to drive to the community college, I got the general route down, and then "drove it" many times with the Google map zoomed in as close as I could get. "Turn here. Change lanes here." I had to study the route for 2 hrs. before I finally "got it".

The class was 16 weeks long. For the first 10 weeks when I drove, my hands were clenched, and I felt sick to my stomach. At least once on every trip I would sort of blank out and have an overwhelming feeling that I had somehow gotten onto the wrong road! After the 10 weeks it got easier, everything looked familiar. By the end it was actually kind of fun.

Putting gas in the car myself was a new venture this year. My husband stepped me through the process at a particular gas station, and after that I could do it myself as long as I went to the exact same gas station.

Last month I was driving my son home from an activity and worried that we were getting awfully close to E. I noticed an unfamiliar gas station not far down the road. I want to model to my son that it's possible to grow and change. "Hey, Kevin, look, a gas station. Should I give this one a try?" "Sure, why not?" "But I've never been to this one." "Mama, they're all the same!" So we pulled in. It took us about 10 minutes to figure it out (the pump turned on / off differently) and I got gasoline on my shoe (the pump made different sounds than my familiar one and I removed it when it sounded full instead of waiting til it clicked off), but otherwise a very positive experience.

Big deal last week when I got lost going home!!! New experience!!! I missed a turn and got stuck on an unfamiliar highway and couldn't figure out how to get off of it (all the turns zoomed by too fast to react to). I felt like I was in a raft heading towards a waterfall. But then I remembered that this road ended in a T somewhere familiar. Wow! Two of my little ant scent trails connected with each other! Who knew.

This weekend I started printing out Google maps on our black and white printer-- they turn out different shades of pale gray-- and then color-colored all my familiar routes with color pencils. This seems to help with the map dyslexia.

So this is really pushing the envelope for me. In fact that's why my current avatar says "metamorphosis"

Interesting that what I wouldn't dare attempt for myself, I'll try to tackle for the sake of my kid.

That's a great story. Thanks.

[cowtime]

Interesting that what I wouldn't dare attempt for myself, I'll try to tackle for the sake of my kid.

That's because you are a MOM! All true moms do that, and not just the human variety.

[WyoBadger]

Interesting that what I wouldn't dare attempt for myself, I'll try to tackle for the sake of my kid.

That's because you are a MOM! All true moms do that, and not just the human variety.

Amen. Good for you, Luna. The greatest courage is being scared of something but doing it anyway because it needs to be done.

Tom