PallasAthena wrote:I have some experience playing music with other people, but not ITM. I've always been very nervous playing in front of people, so that really doesn't help. And now that I actually occasionally play with one or two other people, I'm finding myself completely lost. ...I really don't see why this is so confusing, but some how it is.
I think there are two different factors in this. One, which several people have addressed well already, is performance anxiety. Yes, it DOES get easier with practice, especially if you can play with the same people in the same place enough times to start developing a comfort zone there. After years of playing every week with friends at a local coffeehouse, I've gone from utterly terrified to pretty comfortable when I perform at the coffeehouse. I still get nervous in situations that are more concert-like, but I'm MUCH better. Playing whistle, or singing, is much harder than playing a non-aerophone: you can't get the right notes on whistle or vocally if you can't breathe, but you CAN play a stringed instrument while breathing faster and more shallowly than normal.
The other factor is that when we play alone all the time many of us start to develop bad habits regarding rhythm. We slow down in spots and speed up in others, and we often aren't even aware we're doing it. When I was already pretty good at holding a steady beat on a stringed instrument, I still found that trying to breathe while playing whistle would throw my timing off, especially if I was already nervous and breathing oddly. For that problem, I'd recommend playing with recordings. One of the big things to learn in playing with others is how to get lost (that's the easy part
), and then how to jump back in. You need more practice playing along with a group that won't slow down or stop for you. If possible, bring a tape recorder or other device to the session with you and record it. Then play along at home for practice.
To Diane: I abandoned thesession.org years ago because they were so nasty. It wasn't a happy place to be. Don't listen to people on the internet who say nasty things to you, especially if they're on that site.
I hope people on C&F haven't been nasty to you. I don't read anywhere near everything here, but it seems like certain people like to snit at each other, and if you aren't a snitter, you're fairly unlikely to become the snittee. It's great that you've found a welcoming real-life session! That's what matters. Keep going; learn their tunes; get to know them -- they may become good friends. That's what's important.
To James: I'm sorry for your loss. I think remembering loved ones I've lost is always good, in spite of the pangs. I wouldn't ever want to forget those people.
i've been at it for thirty years plus. It does get better... somewhat... 
