anniemcu wrote:BillChin wrote:Let me disagree--I'm not seeing the problem. There are plenty of other times that rude and stupid things are said, and not just after someone has died. Some people are little impacted by the passing of a relative or friend, some are greatly so. Walking on eggshells and trying to be politically correct by avoiding tried and true phrases might be the last thing the grieving person wants.
The reason cliches and platitudes are so popular is because they are often appropriate. My opinion is that no words mentioned in the thread, are going to matter that much or add much to the pain. Pastor's and counselors are there to listen, let them play their role. The real world goes on. When the grieving are ready to go on too, the real world will be there.
The worst things I have heard said are along the lines of "it's your fault, so-and-so is dead, or did you know that you made so-and-so unhappy for so many years by your actions or inactions." Close is, "you were always mean to that person, don't you regret it now." None of the other phrases mentioned in the thread come close.
My honest opinion is to say get a grip people. Use a cliche if that is what comes to mind, 90% don't mind it, or have used the same phrases themselves, and the 10% that do, are probably in for a long ride no matter what is done or said.
That bunch of words sounds like something someone who hasn't experience this might say. Certainly someone who hasn't been in deep grief lately.
Maybe they are words said out of my own anger at the forum. I've posted about personal loss on more than one occasion. Sometimes I've had one or two sympathy posts. Sometimes none.
I've had more than my share of grief, so I take your response bitterly and angrily. An apology would be appropriate, maybe you can even throw in a few cliches and platitudes.
For example I posted these song lyrics, and the story about my friend's suicide, and got zip/zilch/nada from the politically correct crowd on the forum:
Light on the Ocean
Some days, its too heavy,
Some nights, its too dark
Some days, I want to fade away,
Some nights, I fall apart
My friend, dear friend, look out on the ocean,
My friend, dear friend, gaze upon the sea.
and you’ll see a light on the ocean,
and feel the calm of the waves,
when you see a light on the ocean,
you'll know everything's okay.
Some day, I’ll reach for heaven
Some night, I’ll touch the sky
Some days, you’ll remember
Some nights, you’ll wonder why
When you see a light on the ocean,
and feel the calm of the waves,
when you see a light on the ocean,
you'll know everything's okay.
Some days...
Some nights...
/ whistle solo /
When you see a light on the ocean,
When you feel the calm of the waves,
when you see a light on the ocean,
you'll know everything's okay.
--
Lisa lost her battle with bipolar disorder and committed suicide 1-16-2004. Readers know that I volunteer with a mental health group, Chicago headquartered Recovery International. Like I said, I've seen more than my share of rain and would like an apology for your crude statements. The song lyrics I take as a message from Lisa.
