Speaking of pirates...

emmline · Post by **emmline** » Mon Oct 08, 2007 5:02 pm

izzarina wrote:he knows what he must do....save her life, and win her heart ...

He's a bit concerned, though, about the effect the salt water might have on his hair.

Denny · Post by **Denny** » Mon Oct 08, 2007 5:20 pm

that's right pirate like, innit.

izzarina · Post by **izzarina** » Mon Oct 08, 2007 5:55 pm

emmline wrote:
izzarina wrote:he knows what he must do....save her life, and win her heart ...
He's a bit concerned, though, about the effect the salt water might have on his hair.

Until he remembers that the last ship they pillaged had a huge supply of Aquaseal

Good to go hair wise, he runs over to the fair Penelope...his salt free hair blowing gently in the soft sea air.

"I shall save you, my love!" he calls to her, in his best "Errol Flynn" voice.

"I could never love a man who has nicer hair than I do!" she screamed...and with that, she jumped off the plank down into the murky water below.

emmline · Post by **emmline** » Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:09 pm

izzarina wrote:"I could never love a man who has nicer hair than I do!" she screamed...and with that, she jumped off the plank down into the murky water below.

But after several seconds of observing the curious catfish who had gathered round to wave their whiskers at her, she bobbed to the surface.
"Aww shiznit," she exclaimed. "On second thought, maybe I could." And it sure can't hurt to get my hands on some of that Aquaseal®...

Lambchop · Post by **Lambchop** » Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:22 pm

. . . Years of chlorinated swimming pools had, indeed, ruined her hair. It was dry and flyaway. And the blonde dye manifested the slightest green tinge.

However, those same years of chlorinated swimming pools served her in good stead, as she broke into a strong overhand stroke and headed for the rocks looming in the background, full well knowing that she would be safe upon reaching their welcoming bulk.

But no! It wasn't to be. For she had underestimated the nefarious Cap'n Radley Firecrotch, the smarter of the two, who had anticipated the coming storm using nothing more than his chronic sinus condition, which pained him grievously when atmospheric pressure dropped--although he did not know what "atmospheric pressure" was--had moored his ship in safety up a nearby river, and was presently searching those rocks for delectable tidbits of the sea.

And who was just thrilled when a particularly delectable tidbit climbed unbidden directly into his arms.

emmline · Post by **emmline** » Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:28 pm

Lambchop wrote:And who was just thrilled when a particularly delectable tidbit climbed unbidden directly into his arms.

"Be ye a mermaid me fair green-haired beauty?" he bellowed. Then he threw his head back and laughed a hearty laugh, just because it looked cool to do that.

And suddenly, she knew what her angle would be...

djm · Post by **djm** » Mon Oct 08, 2007 7:31 pm

"Damn! He's jumped threads on me!" I cried aloud as I spotted the tops of his masts in the heavy haze of the delta morning. And the Lamb, how had she known to park her badonkadonk in that particular McDonald's parking lot just near the landing slip? There was more going on here than I could keep up with.

I whipped the donkey cart on faster, hoping to clear the next interchange before the lights could change. But luck was against me, and the signal bells for the drawbridge started ringing as the gates swept down. This was certainly turning out to be a crap weekend.

djm

gonzo914 · Post by **gonzo914** » Mon Oct 08, 2007 9:03 pm

What am I doing here with this bleached blonde and sun-baked bimbo, Cap’n Firecrotch thought to himself. And where be Nurse Cupcake? An’ how did I get back to Port Royal from that other thread.

And then he realized the frightening truth – that the actions taking place in this thread happened before the actions taking place in that other thread. Shades of Quentin Tarrantino! the cap’n thought.

But then he had an epiphany – If this be happenin’ before that he met Nurse Cupcake, he said to no one in particular, that means this strumpet is going to whack me . . .

And she did.

rodfish · Post by **rodfish** » Mon Oct 08, 2007 9:27 pm

You all are just too good! I can't wait until the next chapter!.

djm · Post by **djm** » Mon Oct 08, 2007 9:41 pm

The only thing that had worked out well for me so far today was that, while waiting for the drawbridge to close again, I had chanced to glance over to the conveyance next to me and spotted one Harold Dawkins, "Stinky" to anyone within three feet of him.

Besides an eye for Paris fashion and a taste for young midshipmen, Dawkins' real talent lay in another direction. You wouldn't know it to look at him, but he had mastered his long arms and gangly frame to such an extent that he could fling objects inordinant distances. Such a talent would, no doubt, come in useful on a dock or shippers' establishment. It would if Dawkins were employed, but his only other real talent was avoiding gainful employment of any kind. He had developed his great flinging abilities for the strange and sole purpose of venting his spleen on various amphibians and small birds of the local archipelago.

A brief conversation revealed that Dawkins was temporarily at loose ends and down on his luck - a bit skint, as he put it - and for a shockingly large sum, agreed to aid me in tracking down one Cpt. R. Firecrotch before same should manage to flee this island for ports unknown.

We separated past the drawbridge, with Dawkins taking the high road back into the jungles, while I kept a straight and narrow path directly ahead for the port and the babes that hang out in such places. This would be the only chance Firecrotch would give me to jump places in the storyline and clean up any plot anomalies before the Lamb threw another curve at me.

djm

Cynth · Post by **Cynth** » Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:36 pm

gonzo914 wrote:
Cynth wrote:
Lambchop wrote: Do you now, dear?
Well, yes, it's really very interesting. As you can see, neither of these two pirates has an eyepatch.

That would be Cap'n Radley Firecrotch's dear brudder Geoffrey Firecrotch, a fierce-some pirate in his own right, on the left and Cap'n Firecrotch himself on the right. Note that Cap'n Radley is a special bargain at $3.99 ($5.99 Canadian).

Ooooh, I've just got shivers all over!!! I had no idea! Mercy!

Judging by the family resemblence I believe I've just located your
other brother---I hope his name isn't Darryl.
He must be the youngest one---he has a slightly weak, petulant look---
as though he'd been teased too much.

emmline · Post by **emmline** » Tue Oct 09, 2007 5:46 am

Cynth wrote:...I hope his name isn't Darryl.
He must be the youngest one---he has a slightly weak, petulant look---
as though he'd been teased too much.

Don't worry...his name is Corky. And at this very moment, Corky--having been tossed overboard by the crew of the merchant vessel he'd been swabbin' on (they were getting mighty fed up with his tendency to thrust out his jaw and say "you can't make me!" every time they handed him a mop)--anyway, as I say at this very moment, Corky is, with his last ounce of strength, dog-paddling to the same outcropping where Radley is interacting with the green-haired chick, while Geoffrey is on his quarter deck peering frantically about through his spyglass wondering where the heck she went. He's also detangling his hair.

gonzo914 · Post by **gonzo914** » Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:34 am

Through the telescope, Geoffrey saw his twin brother Corky and the bimbo trussing brother Radley up like a chicken, or a turkey, or whatever Radley was. Geoffrey tossed his hair in that special way he had and sent some bosuns in a long boat to fetch the three back onto the ship. They heaved the bound and still unconscious Radley onto the deck, then they raised anchor and sailed to a secluded beach just east of Montego Bay, where they again lowered the longboat and deposited Cap'n Firecrotch on the shore.

"Mom always did like him best," whined the petulant Corky, the younger of the two by six minutes.

"Probably because he was better at keepin' his shirt buttoned," added Geoffrey, and the perfidious Firecrotch twins sailed back to Port Royal, squabbling over the bimbo the whole way.

Their intention was to take over the legendary Ruptured Duck by offering their services in Radley's absence. Unfortunately, the Duck's crew was loyal to the ol' cap'n, and also to drunk too vote on a new one, so the twins' nefarious plans were scotched.

"Damnation," said Corky, "we're getting nowhere. Our nefarious plans have been scotched."

"Most literally, yes," said his brother. "Let's head into town in search of honest commerce. I hear a well-paying gentleman has been recruiting the assistance of skilled individuals who do not object to crime. And take that bimbo out of your mouth; you don't know where it has been."