OT - Just a Joke

PhilO · Post by **PhilO** » Wed Oct 23, 2002 2:42 pm

Four Jewish brothers left home for college, became doctors and prospered. Some years later, chatting after a Chanukah dinner, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother.

The first said "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."

The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600 with a chauffeur."

The fourth said "Listen to this. You know how Mama loves reading the Torah, and you know that she can't see very well. So I sent her a parrot that can recite the entire Torah. It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years. But it was worth it. Mama has only to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her thank you notes. She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks so much."

"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home. I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. Moreover, the driver is a Nazi. A million thanks."

Menachim, you give me a theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead. I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. But thanks anyway."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. Such a delicious chicken."

Philo

WyoBadger · Post by **WyoBadger** » Wed Oct 23, 2002 5:26 pm

I emerge from a Chiff Free spell to deliver the following insight:

Consider, if you will, the great mystic and political visionary Muhatma Ghandi, who almost certainly knew someone who played the whistle. In his long life, he walked many, many miles on his toughened, bare feet, seeing to the needs of his people. In spite of this robust lifestyle, his frequent hunger strikes left him frail and thin toward the end of his life, as if a good breeze might break him in too. Also as a result of his sporidic eating habits, he was known by close associates to suffer from severe bad breath, not that this kept him from being loved and venerated by his people.

All of which made him...

(this is so great)

A super-caloused-fragile-mystic-plagued-with-halitosis.

Thank you, thank you.

But my very favorite joke is mercifully short:

Two flies are sitting on Joanie Madden's windowsill, and one says to the other, "Hey, Fly, your man's open!"

blackhawk · Post by **blackhawk** » Thu Oct 24, 2002 5:23 am

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return? A stick.

klezmusic · Post by **klezmusic** » Fri Oct 25, 2002 1:13 am

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?

Both crews were marooned.

Dewhistle · Post by **Dewhistle** » Fri Oct 25, 2002 1:22 am

Did you hear about the fire in the circus? The heat was intense.

_________________
"But business is business and business must grow
Regardless of crummies in tummies, you know."

[ This Message was edited by: Dewhistle on 2002-10-25 03:23 ]

chas · Post by **chas** » Fri Oct 25, 2002 5:40 am

A woman from New York is on vacation in Vermont. Her car's in the shop, so she has to take the bus into town to have her dog groomed. The bus stops, and the driver tells her there are no pets allowed on teh bus.

She says, "I ride the bus with Fluffy in New York all the time."

The driver takes the whistle out of his mouth and replies, "But you're not in New York, you're in Vermont."

She says, "Well, you know what you can do with your bus!"

The driver replies, "If you do the same thing with your dog, you can ride the bus."

klezmusic · Post by **klezmusic** » Sun Oct 27, 2002 12:03 am

A woman called her pediatrician, frantic because her son had swallowed a
penny. She wanted to know if she should
bring the boy in to be seen.

The doctor calmly replied, "I don't think it's
necessary, just watch him closely for any change."

RosieJ · Post by **RosieJ** » Mon Oct 28, 2002 8:00 am

Well, didja hear the one about the 3 WHISTLING STATISTICIANS who went deer hunting? There they were, in the middle of the woods, when a gigantic buck with the biggest rack of antlers they had ever seen walked by. The first one took aim, but missed by 3 feet to the left of the buck. The second one took aim, and HE missed, 3 feet to the right. The third one jumped up and down and said "We got him, we got him!"

Think about it, it might take awhile......

TubeDude · Post by **TubeDude** » Mon Oct 28, 2002 10:32 am

The Cabbie and the Nun.......

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you've been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me" he said.

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!; "OK" the nun says "Pull into the next alley" He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is David and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."

Bloomfield · Post by **Bloomfield** » Mon Oct 28, 2002 2:52 pm

On 2002-10-25 03:22, Dewhistle wrote:
Did you hear about the fire in the circus? The heat was intense.

Did you hear about the stewardess who backed into a running airplane propellor?

Just disaster.

brownja · Post by **brownja** » Mon Oct 28, 2002 5:38 pm

An economics professer and an undergrad are walking on campus, when the student says "look, i just found a dollar bill on the ground!"
The professor says "That's impossible, It must just be a piece of paper"
Student pockets the dollar and asks "Why is it impossible?"
Prof. "If it was a dollar bill, somebody would have picked it up already"

TonyHiggins · Post by **TonyHiggins** » Mon Oct 28, 2002 8:59 pm

_________________
<a href="http://tinwhistletunes.com/clipssnip/newspage.htm">Tin Whistle Tunes formerly Clips&Snips</a>
Don't believe everything you think.

[ This Message was edited by: TonyHiggins on 2002-10-28 22:00 ]

[ This Message was edited by: TonyHiggins on 2002-10-28 22:03 ]

[ This Message was edited by: TonyHiggins on 2002-10-28 22:04 ]

AnnaDMartinez · Post by **AnnaDMartinez** » Mon Oct 28, 2002 10:30 pm

Or the firefly who back into the fan?

Delighted, no end!

bdatki · Post by **bdatki** » Mon Oct 28, 2002 10:39 pm

Oh no, not that pumpkin picture! At least 2 of my hallmates have that posted on their doors.

Zubivka · Post by **Zubivka** » Tue Oct 29, 2002 2:20 am

To be tried in a session, with this obnoxious fiddler who knows all tunes, you know him. Ask :

You remember Alzheimer's polka ?
-

-OK. That is how it begins...