OT - Just a Joke
- PhilO
- Posts: 2931
- Joined: Wed Jun 27, 2001 6:00 pm
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- Location: New York
Four Jewish brothers left home for college, became doctors and prospered. Some years later, chatting after a Chanukah dinner, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother.
The first said "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600 with a chauffeur."
The fourth said "Listen to this. You know how Mama loves reading the Torah, and you know that she can't see very well. So I sent her a parrot that can recite the entire Torah. It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years. But it was worth it. Mama has only to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her thank you notes. She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks so much."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home. I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. Moreover, the driver is a Nazi. A million thanks."
Menachim, you give me a theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead. I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. But thanks anyway."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. Such a delicious chicken."
Philo
The first said "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600 with a chauffeur."
The fourth said "Listen to this. You know how Mama loves reading the Torah, and you know that she can't see very well. So I sent her a parrot that can recite the entire Torah. It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years. But it was worth it. Mama has only to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her thank you notes. She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks so much."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home. I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. Moreover, the driver is a Nazi. A million thanks."
Menachim, you give me a theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead. I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. But thanks anyway."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. Such a delicious chicken."
Philo
"This is this; this ain't something else. This is this." - Robert DeNiro, "The Deer Hunter," 1978.
- WyoBadger
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- Tell us something.: "Tell us something" hits me a bit like someone asking me to tell a joke. I can always think of a hundred of them until someone asks me for one. You know how it is. Right now, I can't think of "something" to tell you. But I have to use at least 100 characters to inform you of that.
- Location: Wyoming
I emerge from a Chiff Free spell to deliver the following insight:
Consider, if you will, the great mystic and political visionary Muhatma Ghandi, who almost certainly knew someone who played the whistle. In his long life, he walked many, many miles on his toughened, bare feet, seeing to the needs of his people. In spite of this robust lifestyle, his frequent hunger strikes left him frail and thin toward the end of his life, as if a good breeze might break him in too. Also as a result of his sporidic eating habits, he was known by close associates to suffer from severe bad breath, not that this kept him from being loved and venerated by his people.
All of which made him...
(this is so great)
A super-caloused-fragile-mystic-plagued-with-halitosis.
Thank you, thank you.
But my very favorite joke is mercifully short:
Two flies are sitting on Joanie Madden's windowsill, and one says to the other, "Hey, Fly, your man's open!"
Consider, if you will, the great mystic and political visionary Muhatma Ghandi, who almost certainly knew someone who played the whistle. In his long life, he walked many, many miles on his toughened, bare feet, seeing to the needs of his people. In spite of this robust lifestyle, his frequent hunger strikes left him frail and thin toward the end of his life, as if a good breeze might break him in too. Also as a result of his sporidic eating habits, he was known by close associates to suffer from severe bad breath, not that this kept him from being loved and venerated by his people.
All of which made him...
(this is so great)
A super-caloused-fragile-mystic-plagued-with-halitosis.
Thank you, thank you.
But my very favorite joke is mercifully short:
Two flies are sitting on Joanie Madden's windowsill, and one says to the other, "Hey, Fly, your man's open!"
- chas
- Posts: 7707
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- Location: East Coast US
A woman from New York is on vacation in Vermont. Her car's in the shop, so she has to take the bus into town to have her dog groomed. The bus stops, and the driver tells her there are no pets allowed on teh bus.
She says, "I ride the bus with Fluffy in New York all the time."
The driver takes the whistle out of his mouth and replies, "But you're not in New York, you're in Vermont."
She says, "Well, you know what you can do with your bus!"
The driver replies, "If you do the same thing with your dog, you can ride the bus."
She says, "I ride the bus with Fluffy in New York all the time."
The driver takes the whistle out of his mouth and replies, "But you're not in New York, you're in Vermont."
She says, "Well, you know what you can do with your bus!"
The driver replies, "If you do the same thing with your dog, you can ride the bus."
-
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- Location: Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Well, didja hear the one about the 3 WHISTLING STATISTICIANS who went deer hunting? There they were, in the middle of the woods, when a gigantic buck with the biggest rack of antlers they had ever seen walked by. The first one took aim, but missed by 3 feet to the left of the buck. The second one took aim, and HE missed, 3 feet to the right. The third one jumped up and down and said "We got him, we got him!"
Think about it, it might take awhile......
Think about it, it might take awhile......
I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. - Hippolyte Taine (1829-1893)
The Cabbie and the Nun.......
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you've been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me" he said.
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!; "OK" the nun says "Pull into the next alley" He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is David and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you've been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me" he said.
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!; "OK" the nun says "Pull into the next alley" He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is David and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."
Music and songs were part of a cowboy's life. It is said that a trail boss would never pick a fellow that could not sing or whistle.
- Bloomfield
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- brownja
- Posts: 325
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- Location: Not sure anymore
An economics professer and an undergrad are walking on campus, when the student says "look, i just found a dollar bill on the ground!"
The professor says "That's impossible, It must just be a piece of paper"
Student pockets the dollar and asks "Why is it impossible?"
Prof. "If it was a dollar bill, somebody would have picked it up already"
The professor says "That's impossible, It must just be a piece of paper"
Student pockets the dollar and asks "Why is it impossible?"
Prof. "If it was a dollar bill, somebody would have picked it up already"
- TonyHiggins
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_________________
<a href="http://tinwhistletunes.com/clipssnip/newspage.htm">Tin Whistle Tunes formerly Clips&Snips</a>
Don't believe everything you think.
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TonyHiggins on 2002-10-28 22:00 ]</font>
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TonyHiggins on 2002-10-28 22:03 ]</font>
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TonyHiggins on 2002-10-28 22:04 ]</font>
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- Tell us something.: Good to be home, many changes here, but C&F is still my home! I think about the "old" bunch here and hold you all in the light, I am so lucky to have you all in my life!