Prayers, thoughts, good vibes, spells of healing...

The Weekenders · Post by **The Weekenders** » Thu Mar 08, 2007 8:20 pm

You can't be angry at yourself. You can't save people who have kept their afflictions secret then expressed them in a final act. You just can't.

Mourn the loss but do not be angry at yourself for missing something. Please.

Peace and solace to you.

Cynth · Post by **Cynth** » Thu Mar 08, 2007 9:29 pm

I'm so sorry for all those who have been affected. I hope the experiences related here will be helpful to you in coming to terms with your feelings about yourself and others who were involved with your friend. What a hard thing.

Wombat · Post by **Wombat** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 12:34 am

The Weekenders wrote:You can't be angry at yourself. You can't save people who have kept their afflictions secret then expressed them in a final act. You just can't.

Mourn the loss but do not be angry at yourself for missing something. Please.

Peace and solace to you.

Good advice but incredibly hard to implement. You also have to forgive yourself if you can't give up the anger easily, even if it is irrational.

In the case I alluded to, how does a parent give up the idea that they couldn't have done better by their dead son, even though he had a diagnosed mental disorder? As a friend, you just hope they can.

For those of us a bit more removed, it's still hard. I think you go through being angry with yourself—I should have seen it coming—and being angry with him—he should have given a clearer hint—and you are still angry. I think you are angry with the cosmos, or, to be less dramatic, with a social world that accords so little importance to mental health and then treats personal tragedies as mysteries when they occur. And, truth to tell, I think mental health and balance in life rate almost nowhere in the values promoted in schools and in the media. Greed, cheap celebrity, something for nothing, reward luck rather than talent and cultivate the voyeur in yourself.

I think that, even if we do what we can to improve our social world—acknowledging the depth and prevalence of male depression is now the subject of a public awareness campaign in Australia—it is still unrealistic to expect people to see trouble that isn't clearly signalled. And we can do a little to make it easier for those at risk to signal their distress more clearly. But that is for society as a whole to deal with; no individual can do it, one on one, for everyone they know who might be at risk.

Innocent Bystander · Post by **Innocent Bystander** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 2:20 am

Sorry for your loss, Tyler. His pain was too much for him to cope with. It isn't always possible to share or unload. You must not blame yourself.

Tyler · Post by **Tyler** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 7:48 am

Thank you, everyone, again for everything.

for any who are interested, here's the obituary.

buddhu · Post by **buddhu** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 2:39 pm

Sorry, mate.

Caroluna · Post by **Caroluna** » Tue Mar 13, 2007 11:44 am

A Memorial "Celebration of His Life" will be held, Tues., March 13, 2007, 2 p.m. at the Masonic Temple, 650 E. South Temple.

Hi Tyler, thinking of you today.

anniemcu · Post by **anniemcu** » Tue Mar 13, 2007 11:21 pm

Hey, Tyler, how are you doing today? I was too sick to go to the visitation for my daughter's beaux today... so sad for all going through such stuff.

The biggest thing, I think, is to remember that there are loads of folks who have made it through, and we can too. The pain will never go away, but it will reach a tolerable level in the not terribly distant future. Hang in there, my friend.

aderyn_du · Post by **aderyn_du** » Wed Mar 14, 2007 5:10 am

Tyler, I'm so sorry for your loss... be well, be blessed, and may your heart heal whole and strong.

dwinterfield · Post by **dwinterfield** » Wed Mar 14, 2007 8:03 am

Too tongue tied to say what I'm feeling. Sorry for your loss Tyler. Same for you Annie.

It's been a tough year. I've been to way too many funerals (5) though they were not for folks so close as your loss and they'd had many more years before they moved on.

Sometimes Spring is just another season. This year it feels like more than that.

peeplj · Post by **peeplj** » Wed Mar 14, 2007 8:19 am

Tyler, I'm so sorry.

We had a friend suicide last year. It seems to be a particularly hard kind of death to get over.

Fact is, last year was a bad year for illness and death. Hopefully this year will prove to be better for everyone.

--James

Whistlin'Dixie · Post by **Whistlin'Dixie** » Wed Mar 14, 2007 7:36 pm

I'm sorry, Tyler, but words just don't really seem adequate, do they?
Try to keep memories of all the good times, not the troubled times.

His light is shining down on you..... Be strong.

M

Flyingcursor · Post by **Flyingcursor** » Thu Mar 15, 2007 3:46 pm

I'm kind of late but my thoughts are with you. I lost my best friend and often thought many of the same things.