C&F: ROMANCE ON THE HIGH SEAS!

Joseph E. Smith · Post by **Joseph E. Smith** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 7:14 am

emmline wrote:
Joseph E. Smith wrote:It won't last. If you look closely at the deck you will see the vessel is taking on water bigtime.
snickered First Mate Joe "Lock" Smith.

"How can I look closely at the deck?" snapped Captain Wisely, snatching the spyglass from Joe's hand. "You turned me spyglass into a pipe chanter!" He tossed the spyglass disdainfully into the foaming main.

"Captain," said Joe. "Did ye find the green-tipped Spillane?"

"Arrgghh...," snarled Wisely. "I thinks he buried it in Talbot Cay."

"But where?" wondered Joe aloud.

"The girl has the map," answered Wisely with a undisputed nod, "in her shower curtain. I can feel it in me bones..."

"But sir! She's the daughter of Admiral Hardy!" protested the First Mate. "She won't give it up easy!"

The captain tapped his gold-capped tooth--the one he'd broken on his Overton Bb--and pondered. "Perhaps," he said, "if we offer her an internship..."

That's exactly how it happened!!!!

Colin · Post by **Colin** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 9:52 am

Byron: "Maeve, I've been seven years before the mast!"

Maeve: "Nonsense, Byron - the mast's ALWAYS been here!"

(kudo's to Monty Python)

Lambchop · Post by **Lambchop** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 10:04 pm

Oh! There's a whistle in there! At first I was too absorbed in that red sash to notice.

Lee Stanford · Post by **Lee Stanford** » Tue Dec 19, 2006 11:07 pm

I worked in a Barns and Noble bookstore for a while back then. I used to laugh so hard at those books when I was shelving them.

Martin Milner · Post by **Martin Milner** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 4:46 am

SteveShaw wrote:Brits will no doubt notice an unfortunate resemblance of the chap to an early manifestation of David Beckham.

Maybe, but the gal ain't modelled on Victoria Posh Beckham-Spice.

She's sideways onto the viewer and I can still see her shadow.

emmline · Post by **emmline** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 7:29 am

Byron pulled himself easily over the rail of Wisely's brig, The Crystal, his glistening torso slick with lamp oil from the sinking Chieftain.

"No!" murmured Byron, backing away from the cabin door. "Maeve...you took the internship?" In his disbelief it didn't even occur to him to wonder how the heck she'd gotten here so fast.

"Byron!" she cried. "It's not what it looks like!" How could she make him understand? She had to atone for the treachery of her father before she could give herself freely to Byron's love!

"So!" boomed Captain Wisely, thundering up from his heavily guarded storeroom. "The green-tipped Spillane isn't enough for ye? Come to rob me of me Goldies as well?"

"Rob you?" returned Byron with broken-hearted incredulity. He turned again to Maeve, his gaze hardening. "I'd written you a planxty," he whispered.

A broken heart fares poorly in battle, thus Byron was ill-prepared for "Lock" Smith's Bingamon low D. It caught him hard in the solar plexus and over the rail he went, into the storm-churned surf.

"Byron!" screamed Maeve.

"Ye can't leave yer post!" bellowed Wisely with a throaty laugh. "Yer an intern now!"

...to be continued...

missy · Post by **missy** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 7:45 am

Emm:

Don't forget the "classics" of any good soap opera -
*someone finds out that their love interest is really their half-brother/sister.
*someone dies and then a few months later we find out they really didn't die.
*all kids move from age 3 to age 15 in less than a year (no story plot for those in between ages).
*not sure how you are going to handle the amnesia part since that's getting into health problems.........
*someone must have an evil identical twin.

I.D.10-t · Post by **I.D.10-t** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 7:49 am

missy wrote:humph! It's not Fabio. It won't sell millions unless Fabio is on the cover. I mean, common - the guy you pictured can't dramatically shake his hair or anything!!!

How Did I End Up On The Cover Of This Romance Novel?

djm · Post by **djm** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 8:21 am

I.D.10-t wrote:How Did I End Up On The Cover Of This Romance Novel?

Its a nuisance, isn't it? I think only our moderator JES has appeared on more covers than I have, and neither of us has received any recompense.

djm

Tyler · Post by **Tyler** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 8:23 am

emmline wrote:Byron pulled himself easily over the rail of Wisely's brig, The Crystal, his glistening torso slick with lamp oil from the sinking Chieftain.

"No!" murmured Byron, backing away from the cabin door. "Maeve...you took the internship?" In his disbelief it didn't even occur to him to wonder how the heck she'd gotten here so fast.

"Byron!" she cried. "It's not what it looks like!" How could she make him understand? She had to atone for the treachery of her father before she could give herself freely to Byron's love!

"So!" boomed Captain Wisely, thundering up from his heavily guarded storeroom. "The green-tipped Spillane isn't enough for ye? Come to rob me of me Goldies as well?"

"Rob you?" returned Byron with broken-hearted incredulity. He turned again to Maeve, his gaze hardening. "I'd written you a planxty," he whispered.

A broken heart fares poorly in battle, thus Byron was ill-prepared for "Lock" Smith's Bingamon low D. It caught him hard in the solar plexus and over the rail he went, into the storm-churned surf.

"Byron!" screamed Maeve.

"Ye can't leave yer post!" bellowed Wisely with a throaty laugh. "Yer an intern now!"

...to be continued...

SPINOFF-

Spying the comotion from afar, Captain Gregory House raps his cane on the deck of the good ship Curmudgeon as he barks orders to his crew;

"Hoist anchor, decloak the ship, mortice and stessels to corsets! And tie swabbiwe Cameron back down to the guardrails. Methinks there'll be plenty of booty, not to mention a good cache of Vicodin aboard yonder vessel."

"But Capn' House, I dinnae think this'll be a good time; surely the Dredd Pie-Rat Tritter'll be a watchin ye!" Pleaded First Mate Wilson.

"Silence, Turncoat!," House barks, "atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed! Hoist colors!"

In the distance the Curmudgeon materializes some way off, much to the horror of onlookers.

Cynth · Post by **Cynth** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 8:54 am

There's one thing I don't quite get about this picture. It looks as though the fellow is lightly lashed to the mast by his arms ----thank goodness they left his knees free. Or maybe he has voluntarily put his arms through some line that was loosely hanging from the mast. Is it to prevent him from being washed away in the storm? Was there a standard setup of line on the mast that sailors put their arms through if they had to stand around on the deck in a storm? But then won't the woman be washed away? If it were to punish him or hold him prisoner, then it seems like he would be more thoroughly lashed to the mast.

djm · Post by **djm** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 9:32 am

Cynth wrote:Was there a standard setup of line on the mast that sailors put their arms through if they had to stand around on the deck in a storm?

Actually, that's the ship's clothes line. The poor unsuspecting fellow in question was obviously hanging out his laundry when he was accosted by this ravenous sea nymph (women weren't allowed on board as they bring bad luck, but sea nymphs are okay

).

djm

jsluder · Post by **jsluder** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 9:33 am

Cynth wrote:There's one thing I don't quite get about this picture. It looks as though the fellow is lightly lashed to the mast by his arms ----thank goodness they left his knees free. Or maybe he has voluntarily put his arms through some line that was loosely hanging from the mast. Is it to prevent him from being washed away in the storm? Was there a standard setup of line on the mast that sailors put their arms through if they had to stand around on the deck in a storm? But then won't the woman be washed away? If it were to punish him or hold him prisoner, then it seems like he would be more thoroughly lashed to the mast.

Maybe the ad she put in Craig's List just mentioned "light bondage".

brianc · Post by **brianc** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 12:58 pm

Dale wrote:

This is one of the funniest things I've seen here in a while.... I mean, who ever heard of cannons being placed up on the main deck?

And the crow's nest - what is it - 8 feet up? What good is that??

Tyler · Post by **Tyler** » Wed Dec 20, 2006 1:23 pm

'Twas a Hobbit ship from Buckland!

Chiff and Fipple Forums

C&F: ROMANCE ON THE HIGH SEAS!

Re: C&F: ROMANCE ON THE HIGH SEAS!