Good god! Another Kansas pope

[gonzo914]

Being an ordained minister means absolutely nothing in an of itself, let's not forget.

By itself, no, but combined with my plastic laminated ordained minister card with the holographic "genuine" on the back, it gets me 10 percent off at IHOP.

But seriously, being an ordained minister has had a profound effect on my spirituality, but that's not something I would expect a layman, such as yourself, to understand.

O, sibili, cedem go. Fortibuses enna ro.
O, nobili, dimis trux. Vatis ennim. Caus en dux.

[gonzo914]

Uh-uh, Gonzo. Your bid to be palpated in public under the aegis of ecclesiastical tradition has a fatal flaw. Until the Catholic Church ordains women into the priesthood, you'll have to get the Pope-grope from one of your good buddies. Hah.

That rule will change as soon as the votes are counted and I accept the papacy. I have it on good authority (Pope Michael) that popeness takes effect at that point, and not at the ordination. In other words -

1. Get elected
2. Accept.
3. Change the rule (already written, merely awaiting signature with a cool, new papal pen)
4. Have a seat in the sedia stercoraria.
5. Get the nurses.
6. Sit in the sedia stercoraria some more to double check results.
7. Check one more time very carefully because some things just shouldn't be hurried.
8. Throw a party.

In that order.

[djm]

but that's not something I would expect a layman such as yourself to understand.

Ooo, what a giveaway!

djm

[dfernandez77]

I'm an ordained minister as well.

That and a nickel gets me a piece of Bazooka bubble gum.

But you are welcome to be the Pope as far as I am concerned Gonzo.

[fearfaoin]

That and a nickel gets me a piece of Bazooka bubble gum.

You get a discount on gum? Man, I gotta look into this ordination thing.

[gonzo914]

but that's not something I would expect a layman such as yourself to understand.

Ooo, what a giveaway!

djm

You're right. It should have had commas because the phrase "such as yourself" was supposed to be parenthetical. I fixed it --

but that's not something I would expect a layman, such as yourself, to understand.

An excellent example of how a grammatical omission can change the sense entirely. Good catch.

[SteveShaw]

O, sibili, cedem go. Fortibuses enna ro.
O, nobili, dimis trux. Vatis ennim. Caus en dux.

To the tune of "Gaudete" by Steeleye Span:

CHORUS:
Away day, away day, loco in transit
Omnibus, St Pancreas, away day


Cleopatra virginae, terra incognito
in loco parentis Caesar multi O! Calcutta

Troylius et Cressida, con Homo erectus
Strangulated hernia, coitus interruptus

Romulus et Remus, in flagrante delicto
Honi soit qui mal y pense, Harry Belafonte

Gina Lollobrigida, Osteo-arthritis
In vino veritas, Peter Dominicus

Non compos mentis, continuo ad nauseam
Ad lib, et cetera, quod erat demonstrandum

[missy]

I just said three "Our Father"s and three "Hail Mary"s (the priest I had growing up gave that to everyone for penance no matter what. We were all going to tell him we had murdered someone and see if it would change, but we never got up the nerve).

And vote for Gonzo.

Does that mean we now have white smoke or black smoke? Can't we be a little creative and go with, oh, green smoke or something?

[SteveShaw]

I just said three "Our Father"s and three "Hail Mary"s (the priest I had growing up gave that to everyone for penance no matter what. We were all going to tell him we had murdered someone and see if it would change, but we never got up the nerve).

You were lucky. We got three Hail Marys for everything except impure thoughts, for which we got slammed with three Our Fathers, three Hail Marys and three Glory Be's. I don't know why I ever bloody admitted to it. The barbed wire round me underpants used to kill me.

[gonzo914]

Does that mean we now have white smoke or black smoke? Can't we be a little creative and go with, oh, green smoke or something?

I guess I'll just pull up in a car and roll down the window, and whatever color smoke comes out, that's what it'll be.

I really hadn't thought about how to end this. I didn't know how to put an end on a poll, so I guess I'll keep the voting open until (1) Michael or the Italian guy start to get close in the vote count, (2) Dale shows up and says "Knock it off." or (3) my attention span runs out. We're getting close to (3), but I was hoping to keep things going until Cynth and Lambchop get back with the student nurses.

And whether you voted for gonzo or not, he hopes you enjoyed reading about Pope Michael of Kansas. You don't find looniness of that magnitude just anywhere. There's a reason Sinclair Lewis researched Elmer Gantry in Kansas City. Someday, children, I'll tell you the story about the monkey-gland doctor, who grafted monkey glands into human scrotums to increase potency and longevity. We almost elected him governor.

[SteveShaw]

human scrotums

Shouldn't that be "scrota?" Jeez, what confidence can we have in an aspiring pope if he can't even get the Latin right!

[gonzo914]

human scrotums

Shouldn't that be "scrota?" Jeez, what confidence can we have in an aspiring pope if he can't even get the Latin right!

gonzo freely admits that his infallibility does not extend to Latin and that he would rather decline two single malt scotches than one Latin noun. Furthermore, gonzo is working his way through this tonight --



and having completed the 12 and the 15, he is much more concerned with deciding whether to go for the hat trick and drink the 18 or whether he should save it for later than he is about what one should call more than one scrotum. He is, after all, barely into chapter 2 of his Wheelock's, but his preference is to go with the perennial favorite "scrotes."

(And in case anyone is wondering, the 15 is much better than the 12, but it still tastes like Glenfiddich.)

[scottielvr]

human scrotums

Shouldn't that be "scrota?" Jeez, what confidence can we have in an aspiring pope if he can't even get the Latin right!

Il Papa ain't that kind of a pope, all high-toned and stuff. He's a Pope of the people, dang it. That's why I voted for him, anyway. Though I'm hoping to get at least one good dispensation for my trouble.

Preferably a dispensation of Glen-anything.

[SteveShaw]

and having completed the 12 and the 15, he is much more concerned with deciding whether to go for the hat trick and drink the 18 or whether he should save it for later than he is about what one should call more than one scrotum. He is, after all, barely into chapter 2 of his Wheelock's, but his preference is to go with the nperennial favorite "scrotes."

You could always hedge around the problem in the time-honoured way, viz.

Someday, children, I'll tell you the story about the monkey-gland doctor, who grafted monkey glands into a human scrotum, then into another, and possibly into several more even, to increase potency and longevity.

As for the choice of Glenfiddich, I assume you were bought the collection for your birthday. If Amar's around he'll undoubtedly pass on to you the benefit of his single malt wisdom.

[gonzo914]

Preferably a dispensation of Glen-anything.

Aye, and if ye was here, I'd give ye some of this stuff I picked up on Ganyrood. It's . . . .it's. . . . it's green.

Gonzonius CMXIV, Papa Populi