Three things you should never, ever do...

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Nanohedron
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Post by Nanohedron »

missy wrote:
Nanohedron wrote: I don't have to buy tickets. :P
I can't AFFORD to buy their tickets!!!!
Neither can I, but for me that's moot. :twisted:
"If you take music out of this world, you will have nothing but a ball of fire." - Balochi musician
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Post by flanum »

1. Never ever contradict yourself always!

2. Never ever use commas, which aren't necessary!

3. Never ever give advice!
Listen to me young fellow, what need is there for fish to sing when i can roar and bellow?
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Innocent Bystander
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Post by Innocent Bystander »

Martin Milner wrote:Get yourself nominated for a Darwin Award.

Leave your mobile (cell) phone on your office desk all day while attending meetings elsewhere in the building.

Incur the wrath of Milner when he's feeling sarky.
When colleagues do this we put them in their desk drawer. That's usually enough to keep the noise down. If they are smart, they find them. If they are stupid, they ask "What happened to my mobile?"
We reply (as in Dilbert) "Was it small, noisy and easily flushable?"
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Post by RonKiley »

Never mistake the Capsaisin for the Preparation H.

Ron
I've never met a whistle I didn't want.
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Post by Lambchop »

Never mistake the toothbrush being used to scrub Lime-Away around the inside of one bathroom tumbler for the toothbrush soaking in hydrogen peroxide in the other.
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Post by cowtime »

believe the dog owner who volunteers "he won't bite"

ask a woman when the baby's due unless you know for a fact that she isexpecting

think no one will find out
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Post by brianc »

Slide down a 20 foot razor blade into a vat of iodine.

Drink 6 quarts of monkey snot.
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Post by SteveShaw »

flanum wrote:1. Never ever contradict yourself always!

2. Never ever use commas, which aren't necessary!

3. Never ever give advice!
Never over-use exclamation marks and avoid cliches like the plague!!! :lol:
"Last night, among his fellow roughs,
He jested, quaff'd and swore."

They cut me down and I leapt up high
I am the life that'll never, never die.
I'll live in you if you'll live in me -
I am the lord of the dance, said he!
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Flyingcursor
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Post by Flyingcursor »

SteveShaw wrote:
flanum wrote:1. Never ever contradict yourself always!

2. Never ever use commas, which aren't necessary!

3. Never ever give advice!
Never over-use exclamation marks and avoid cliches like the plague!!! :lol:
:lol: Watch it Steve, what goes around comes around. :lol:
ronkiley wrote: Never mistake the Capsaisin for the Preparation H.
Never mistake the Caspian for the Arel.
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Martin Milner
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Post by Martin Milner »

Use non-international brand names on an international forum when making jokes.

Smear your tongue with honey and stick it in a beehive.

Eat pistachio nuts with the shells on.
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SteveShaw
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Post by SteveShaw »

Martin Milner wrote:Smear your tongue with honey and stick it in a beehive.
Paint your gonads with strawberry jam and bring on the dancing ants.
"Last night, among his fellow roughs,
He jested, quaff'd and swore."

They cut me down and I leapt up high
I am the life that'll never, never die.
I'll live in you if you'll live in me -
I am the lord of the dance, said he!
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Flyingcursor
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Post by Flyingcursor »

Use tinfoil as a pot holder.

Watch lichen on your laptop on a crowded bus.
Last edited by Flyingcursor on Wed Jun 14, 2006 6:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Walden
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Post by Walden »

Martin Milner wrote:Use non-international brand names on an international forum when making jokes.
What? You don't get the Bluebell Ice Cream jokes?
Reasonable person
Walden
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SteveShaw
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Post by SteveShaw »

Walden wrote:
Martin Milner wrote:Use non-international brand names on an international forum when making jokes.
What? You don't get the Bluebell Ice Cream jokes?
And you don't get the Sainsburys own-brand fish finger jokes?
"Last night, among his fellow roughs,
He jested, quaff'd and swore."

They cut me down and I leapt up high
I am the life that'll never, never die.
I'll live in you if you'll live in me -
I am the lord of the dance, said he!
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Walden
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Post by Walden »

SteveShaw wrote:
Walden wrote:
Martin Milner wrote:Use non-international brand names on an international forum when making jokes.
What? You don't get the Bluebell Ice Cream jokes?
And you don't get the Sainsburys own-brand fish finger jokes?
Well, it must be funny, because you look a little like the Gorton's Fisherman to me.
Reasonable person
Walden
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