Three things you should never, ever do...

Joseph E. Smith · Post by **Joseph E. Smith** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 3:01 am

1). Take a big gulp from a can of soda that people have used for an ashtray.

2). Lock yourself out of your running vehicle at 3 am, in the middle of a cold February night on a deserted rural highway.

3). Refer to your spouse as "... my Love-Bot".

Keep 'em coming...

GaryKelly · Post by **GaryKelly** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 3:25 am

1). Eat yellow snow.
2). Sit down with a light-bulb in your pocket.
3). Trust a f*rt.

Flyingcursor · Post by **Flyingcursor** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 4:33 am

1. Spit into the wind.
2. Forget that your microphone is still on.

I.D.10-t · Post by **I.D.10-t** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 5:07 am

Lick a metal pole when it is -20 outside.

Urinate on an electric fence.

Ask your drill instructor where he got that pretty brown bonnet.

Assume the gun is loaded.

Assume the person holding it isn’t.

Cover the driver of the car’s eyes “just for fun” No mater how few cars are on the highway.

Mail powdered laundry soap to a politician no mater how dirty you think their policies are.

Make a sarcastic suggestion to your boss (you will probably end up in charge of implementing it).

Martin Milner · Post by **Martin Milner** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 5:12 am

Get the toothpaste and the pile ointment tubes mixed up.

Call your partner the wrong name during sex.

Look down the hose to see what's causing the blockage.

Flyingcursor · Post by **Flyingcursor** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 5:22 am

I.D.10-t wrote:Lick a metal pole when it is -20 outside.

Urinate on an electric fence.

Ha. Ren and Stimpy.

I.D.10-t · Post by **I.D.10-t** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 5:31 am

Assume the fuse is long enough.

Pick your nose after cutting up hot peppers.

Eat unripe mulberries.

Walden · Post by **Walden** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 5:45 am

Use Tabasco sauce for contact lens solution.
Back into a display of harps all lined up in a music store window.
Eat sushi from a truck stop in rural Kansas.
Eat sushi from anywhere in rural Tabasco, Mexico.

brewerpaul · Post by **brewerpaul** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 5:52 am

[quote="I.D.10-t"]
Pick your nose after cutting up hot peppers.

quote]

Or make love. Trust me on this one...

fearfaoin · Post by **fearfaoin** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 8:24 am

brewerpaul wrote:Or make love. Trust me on this one...

Trying to spice up the old love-life, eh?

Cynth · Post by **Cynth** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 8:31 am

Set a cake on a chair.

fyffer · Post by **fyffer** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 8:34 am

Pause more than 0.5 seconds when your wife asks "Do I look fat in this?"

fyffer · Post by **fyffer** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 8:35 am

Provide honest "constructive criticism" when your boss asks for it.

Martin Milner · Post by **Martin Milner** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 8:40 am

Post to a thread entitled "Three things you should never do" with fewer than or more than three things.

Dry your poodle in the microwave.

Set a chair on a cake.

Jeferson · Post by **Jeferson** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 9:01 am

Start telling a joke before remembering the punchline.

Assume that the hotel windows can't be seen through from the street. "Hello, this is the front desk. Can I ask you a favor?"

Ask for requests while performing a gig in prison.