Airbus vs. Chiff & Fipple

[Dale]

You've probably heard that Airbus has floated the idea of a standing restraint system for airline passengers. It's a way to cram more people onto airliners. The non-seated, standing system would look something like this:



I'm shocked at the lack of imagination and the half-hearted attempt at making flying even more miserable than it already is. These people have no sense of REAL cost-savings. You want to sell more tickets for flights, you can't go half-way.

For years now, we've been using a patented system in Dale Force One to transport each new batch of interns here to CFHQ. I designed it myself and it employs nylon rope, leather harnasses, pulleys, and sedative medications. For security reasons, I can't show actual photographs, but I can show you an image from my patent application.



Once you get used to the sensation, it's kind of relaxing. Kind of like floating on a cloud. We're working on optional neck supports, but we'll have to charge for those.

[Walden]

We're working on optional neck supports, but we'll have to charge for those.

No need... I notice that not one of the interns in your picture is wearing their optional neck.

[Congratulations]

Should we call it the "Middle-Class Passage"?

[Dale]

We're working on optional neck supports, but we'll have to charge for those.

No need... I notice that not one of the interns in your picture is wearing their optional neck.

Walden. The neck is implied.

Which, by the way, is the name of my next book of poems.

[Dale]

Turbulence. Somebody asked about turbulence. It's not much of a problem, except for when you start to get some pendulum action and then some sympathetic pendulum action down the line. It can get ugly. I'm thinking we probably are going to need to anchor those ropes to the bottom.

[scottielvr]

OTOH, you could turn every other passenger around...might change the turbulence scenario from ugly, to...interesting. And then you could charge even more.

[Dale]

OTOH, you could turn every other passenger around...might change the turbulence scenario from ugly, to...interesting. And then you could charge even more.

Why aren't you working for me?

[Doug_Tipple]

Chiff & Fipple, Dale Force One, Dangle-o-matic aircraft passenger system,
who is this guy, Dale, I ask you? Are we entering the twilight zone again after all these years?

[scottielvr]

You fired me. No, I quit; that was it. But I could take a meeting, I guess. Bring whistles.

[Walden]

OTOH, you could turn every other passenger around...might change the turbulence scenario from ugly, to...interesting. And then you could charge even more.

Why aren't you working for me?

Don't serve beans, cabbage, or Brussels sprouts.

[emmline]

Should we call it the "Middle-Class Passage"?

I think we should call it "Amistad!"
(Um, Dale...maybe you oughta rent the DVD...
...better yet, don't. We'll just wait for
DaleForce One: INTERNal Combustion to hit theaters.)

[brewerpaul]

Should we call it the "Middle-Class Passage"?

I think we should call it "Amistad!"
.)

[Joseph E. Smith]

Should we call it the "Middle-Class Passage"?

I think we should call it "Amistad!"
.)

Hey, I recognize that image! That's the preliminary design for C&F's first cruise line middle class portage. I believe this image is from the plans for the flagship "Indentured Glory 1".

[Tyler]

OTOH, you could turn every other passenger around...might change the turbulence scenario from ugly, to...interesting. And then you could charge even more.

It would then cease to be the Dangle-o-matic and become the Diddle-o-matic....

[gonzo914]

One of the articles I saw said the target market was Japan, so I imagine if they will tolerate capsule hotels, they'll tolerate standing through an airplane trip.

.

We just need to pray that Southwest Airlines doesn't find out about verticle seating. Those of us who travel on business will have to endure things like this from the corporate travel wonks -- "Here's your ticket from Dallas to Kansas City. It's on Southwest, and you'll change planes in Alburquerque, Seattle and Portland, Maine, but we saved ten dollars over the direct flight. Oh, and you'll be standing up, so wear comfortable shoes."