Recent Joke

[LeeMarsh]

Last month, during a visit to Georgia, my wife got her first speeding ticket in 12 years. Today, friend sent me the following. Thought I'd share the grin.



Woman: "Is there a problem officer?"
Officer: "Ma'am you were speeding."
Woman: "Oh, I see."
Officer: "Can I see your license please?"
Woman: "I'd give it to you, but I don't have one."
Officer: "Don't have one?"
Woman: "Lost it 4 times for drinking."
Officer: "I see, can I have your vehicle registration papers please?"
Woman: "I can't do that."
Officer: "why not?"
Woman: "I Stole this car and hacked up the owner."
Officer: "You what?"
Woman: "His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see."
The officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away from his car,and calls for back-up. within 5 minutes five police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
Senior Officer: "Ma'am could you step out of your vehicle please!"
woman: "Is there a problem officer?"
Senior Officer: "one of my men told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: "Murdered the owner!"
Senior Officer: "yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please.
The woman opens the trunk revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Senior Officer: "Is this your car ma'am"?
Woman: "Yes, here are my registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Senior Officer: "One of my men claims that you do not have a driver's license.
The woman digs into her bookbag and draws out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer looks quite puzzled as he glances at the license.
Senior Officer: "I'm sorry ma'am. One of my men claims that you didn't have a license, stole this car and murdered the owner."
Woman: "Betcha the lyin' basmati told you I was speeding too!"

[Jack]

If I ever get a car, and if I ever speed in it, I might try that...

[Colin]

Things I don't want to read in my Performance Evaluation at work:

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has
started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat
in a trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all
together."

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

[BrassBlower]

Things I don't want to read in my Performance Evaluation at work:

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has
started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat
in a trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all
together."

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

These could easily be posted in the Political Forum in reference to certain government officials.

[Caj]

Woman: "Is there a problem officer?"
Officer: "Ma'am you were speeding."
Woman: "Oh, I see."
[...]

I never saw that one before. Bravo!

Caj