Math Hythteria

djm · Post by **djm** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 11:53 am

Sorry if this has been posted before:

At Pearson airport today, an individual later discovered to be a school teacher, was arrested when trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a press conference, the RCMP spokesperson confirmed that U.S. intelligence reports suggest the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra group. They wish to charge him with carrying weapons of math instruction. The general public is to be reminded that "Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search for absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y'and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country." As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle".

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

djm

Lambchop · Post by **Lambchop** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 3:10 pm

Joseph E. Smith · Post by **Joseph E. Smith** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 3:13 pm

I just lost half a pint of Guinness, the hard way... through the nose.

thanks Dave!

Mitch · Post by **Mitch** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 4:56 pm

Joseph E. Smith wrote:

I just lost half a pint of Guinness, the hard way... through the nose.

thanks Dave!

Arrgg! the insidious Al-Gebra has struck again - is there is no limit to our Guiness being halved??!!!

Caj · Post by **Caj** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 7:24 pm

Q What sign did the hippie math teacher put on his office door?

A "High: pot in use" (hypotenuse)

Caj

Lorenzo · Post by **Lorenzo** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 8:09 pm

Caj wrote:Q What sign did the hippie math teacher put on his office door?

A "High: pot in use" (hypotenuse)

Now that's laudabull.

A math professor plans to travel to a conference by plane. When he passes the security check, they discover a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. Of course, he is hauled off immediately for interrogation.
"I don't understand it!" the interrogating officer exclaims. "You're an accomplished professional, a caring family man, a pillar of your parish - and now you want to destroy that all by blowing up an airplane!"
"Sorry", the professor interrupts him. "I had never intended to blow up the plane."
"So, for what reason else did you try to bring a bomb on board?!"
"Let me explain. Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. That's quite high if you think about it - so high that I wouldn't have any peace of mind on a flight."
"And what does this have to do with you bringing a bomb on board of a plane?"
"You see, since the probability of one bomb being on my plane is 1/1000, the chance that there are two bombs is 1/1000000. If I already bring one, the chance of another bomb being around is actually 1/1000000, and I am much safer..."

talasiga · Post by **talasiga** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 8:59 pm

djm wrote:....At a press conference, the RCMP spokesperson confirmed that U.S. intelligence reports suggest the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra group.
.............

The plot thicketh. See hisab al-jabr w'al musqabala

Lorenzo · Post by **Lorenzo** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 9:58 pm

talasiga wrote:
djm wrote:....At a press conference, the RCMP spokesperson confirmed that U.S. intelligence reports suggest the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra group.
.............
The plot thicketh. See hisab al-jabr w'al musqabala

Add to that AlGore-ithms, and the thought plickens even more.

Chiffed · Post by **Chiffed** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 10:21 pm

Bad Old Math Joke Punchline:

A: He worked it out with a pencil.

Doug_Tipple · Post by **Doug_Tipple** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 11:27 pm

My teaching certificate was in earth science, but they needed a math teacher. I said OK, if you need a math teacher, I will give it my best effort. So for three years I talked about polynomials, x and y, and all the rest. But the students knew that I was a fraud. They kept asking me, "When are we ever going to be using this stuff?" I lied, and said that it was very important. An understanding of mathematical ideas is, of course, important, but when you are 16, there is something else that is all consuming. Mathematical equations don't have a chance at that age.

Chiffed · Post by **Chiffed** » Sun Mar 12, 2006 11:43 pm

I was assigned the geometry unit for grades 5-8 this year. As I was prepping, a thought kept popping up: intermediate geometry is a whole lot like boatbuilding. Reading plans, offsets, lofting....

The upshot is, we're well on our way to having the hull of a 12ft 2-station rowing skiff. I love my school.

talasiga · Post by **talasiga** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 6:55 am

Where x=tonic and its octave is at the "13th integer"
Ionian Scale = x, x+2, x+4, x+5, x+7, x+9, x+11, 2x
Hejaz Scale = x, x+1, x+4, x+5, x+7, x+8, x+11, 2x

Where x = root
The major triadic harmonic chord = x+(x+4)+(x+7)
The minor triadic harmonic chord = x + (x+3)+(x+7)

Any mode (or type) of scale = major scale
when a major triadic harmonic chord can be made using the scale's tonic as its root.

Any mode (or type of scale) of scale = minor scale
when a major triadic harmonic chord can be made using the scale's tonic as its root.

Therefore the following diatonic modes of scale are major:-
Ionian (Bilaawal), Mixolydian (Khamaaj) and Lydian (Kalyaan)
and the following diatonic modes of scale are minor:-
Aeolian (Aasaavari) , Dorian (Kaafi) and Phrygian (Bhairavi)

All the above modes of scale are relative to the modern European key signature notation system.

Here are some non diatonic modes of scale which are major:-
Hejaz (Bhairav), Ahava Rabba, Maarwa, Poorvi, Aheer Bhairav.

Here are some non diatonic modes of scale which are minor:-
Todi, Harmonic Minor (Kirwaani), Madhuvanti.

I.D.10-t · Post by **I.D.10-t** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 9:08 am

gonzo914 · Post by **gonzo914** » Mon Mar 13, 2006 9:19 am

Doug_Tipple wrote: "When are we ever going to be using this stuff?"

A recent incident at work.

I was working with insurance premium rates and had to convert a monthly rate to a biweekly rate (or some such thing) for payroll purposes. Then I had to explain to someone how I got the biweekly rate, so I set up a simple equation something like this --

x = biweekly rate
y = monthly rate
26x = 12y ( both equal annual rate)
x = (12y)/26

"My god," the person said, "You're doing algebra!"

talasiga · Post by **talasiga** » Tue Mar 14, 2006 3:03 am

gonzo914 wrote: x = biweekly rate
y = monthly rate
26x = 12y ( both equal annual rate)
x = (12y)/26

..........

MEMORANDUM

TO: Gonzo914
FROM: Bagchee Maniawala, Oversight Officer
ISSUE: Carrections

Please to be noting that
26x = 13y
x = 13y/26

or, where y = calendar month,
and your "26x=12y"
then
x cannot = biweekly

unless the insurance policy takes a calendar month to be 2x
in which case
y does not = actual monthly rate
but
y = deemed monthly rate

Such must to be eknowledged with propriety, Sir.

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