Dad-isms - Remember them?

[dfernandez77]

Jerry Freeman posted something in the Whistle Forum that reminded me of what my dad used to say about picks. Dads all seem to have had something ready to say for any circumstance. Especially circumstances that would embarrass you in front of your friends.

It's not father's day, but since it came to mind I thought I'd "share" with the group...

When our "friends" proved themselves unworthy:

You can pick your friends,
and you can pick your nose.
But you can't wipe your friends under the table.

When he wanted to mess with our heads:

You can pick your friends,
you can pick your nose,
and you can pick a banjo.
But you can't pick your friend's nose with a banjo.

Then there's the elusive mathematical conundrum:

If a centipede a pint,
and a velocipede a quart,
How much would a precipice?

What goofy thing did your dad, grandpa, or uncle say that used to drive you crazy, but now you can never forget.

Remember, you can tune a piano, but you can't...

[Bloomfield]

"Whatever you're up to, stop it right now."

[Congratulations]

"Sit down and shut up."

[Whistlin'Dixie]

Don't do as I do, do as I say.....

[Montana]

My dad didn't have any goofy sayings but he would cut paper with "skissors", and joke about being "swayve and de-boner". He would do that a lot, I guess, when he was in a goofy mood - pronounce words the way they looked.

[jsluder]

My granddad once told me, "Earthworms are full of sh*t."

I haven't believed anything said by an earthworm since.

[anniemcu]

"Are you a archaeopteryx?"


and "If you can't do it right (read: "perfectly"), don't bother trying!"

Neither of which I figured out soon enough... the first was just silly nonsense and the second was just nonsense masquerading as authoritative ability.

[peeplj]

"Don't tempt fate and don't dare God; fate has no sense of humor, but God just might."

--James

[harpmaker]

I can't remember any goofy things my Dad would say, although I do remember thinking some of the stuff he did was goofy. However, as I got older I realised he wasn't as dumb as I thought.

He had some favorite expressions that he used a lot, and still uses occasionally. One got me in trouble just a little while ago; "Woosh....That went over your head!"

If you were to ask my daughters this question I can tell you what they would answer:

"Close enough for government work"

"You can't see it from Harlem" which refers to a street about a few miles form our home and was said whenever they got too exacting while completing a project

100 years...all new people.

"It's in the Dad book." That was a line I first pulled when they were little in order to avoid the "Because I said SO!" argument. To my surprise they bought it. It worked for a couple of years, till my oldest wised up one day and demanded to see this 'Dad book' I was always quoting.

[scottielvr]

One of my dad's favorites was "You can never always sometimes tell."

He was right: you can't.

[The Weekenders]

My Dad still says:

"People can't handle prosperity."

Not funny, but think about it.

[BoneQuint]

The first one that comes to mind is that when we kids asked what was for dinner, my dad would often answer "Farkleberries." I assumed it was just a funny word he made up, but there actually is such a thing. Apparently they don't taste very good.

[Innocent Bystander]

If my Father ever had the good fortune to be served with a leg of chicken, he would sing "I'm Henery the Eightth, I am" at the dinner table.

He also gave me the following sage advice:

"Son, remember never to break your wind, in case you follow through."

[Flyingcursor]

My dad had a lot of phrases.

Anything that was hot to the touch he'd say, "Very hot tomato". Regardless of what it was.

One of his favorites was, "Anyone who doesn't <insert here> would sleep in their underwear."

Anyone who doesn't like smooth peanut butter would sleep in their underwear.

Anyone who'd go ice fishing would sleep in their underwear. etc.

Some he got from MAD magazine. "Crackers to slip a rozzer to the dropsey and snide." and "I had one grunch but the eggplant over there."

The most valuable thing he ever did was get me to play harmonica with his band and later drums.

I wish I had thought of the "Dad Book" thing. What a great idea.

[Innocent Bystander]

Oh yeah, and "Saoul, and you're a boy!" when you did something remarkable, and
"It just lets you know what it shows you."

When asked "how are you" he would reply with a smile: "I am hanging together by a couple of frayed threads." This caused a lot of trouble to people who could not make out his Norn Iron accent.
"He tripped over a straw and a hen kicked him" when anyone did anything clumsily.

My kids will tell you that I say "People who like this sort of thing will find that this is the sort of thing they like."

and
"Ask your Mother."