being too serious

[carrie]

I guess I want to make up for other people's lack in some sense or another.

You can't, and measuring yourself against the impossible, it seems to me, will only lead to frustration and disappointment. I suggest you figure out what is truly possible for you (while leaving yourself open to new possibilities all the time) and then contentedly go about doing that.

Also, for whatever it may be worth, from my own experience I learned that doing "for" wasn't as satisfying and--I'm pretty sure--even effective as doing "with," though that of course just applies to functioning adult humans.

But I have become less active and more complacent and I have to say, Cran, that I appreciate your reminding voice.

Carol

[dwinterfield]

I have cheered up the world around me. I've done millions of little good things because I have been so blessed. I've made the world a much brighter place, but it just feels like, to me, that I haven't done nearly enough. I guess I want to make up for other people's lack in some sense or another.

All you can do is all you can do. I sometimes feel guilty about not doing enough. Then I remind myself that I've put in 11-12 hrs a day (work + commute) at a job I feel good about. And I spent 2 hrs at an evening meeting in my town (local gov't volunteer) And pay attention to my wife. And do my part looking out for my elderly mother, etc etc. That's when I pick up my whistle or watch 24 on the tube.

By the way, you might seek out some reading in which issues are clear, good triumphes over evil and everything is explained by the last page. Don't worry about political correctness either. My personal politics are probably to the left of Guilder, while my reading is to the right of Dick Cheney

[jim stone]

Well, Ol Berry, time is on your side. When I was 22 I was getting
arrested in civil rights demonstrations. I really couldn't
live with the disparities in the world. Now at 63 I just
try to get through the day.

By the way, don't read Peter Singer's essay 'Famine, Affluence
and Morality.' That'll finish you once and for all. Unless you have...

About lepers, I met a Belgian guy in Afghanistan in 72, named
Albert, who was returning to India after 20 years. He had spent
4 years roaming about India, startingwhen he was about 20.
He had been employed by a leper colony that was so much
more together than the surrounding villages that it was
sending aid to them. This partly took the form of free milk,
and the problem was that the villagers wouldn't drink
milk from cows milked by lepers. Albert was hired to
milk the cows.

I met Albert in India a few months later. I asked him if he
had visited the leper colony. He had, he said. Now they
were running a university for disabled people.

[Walden]

Come to think of it, the same is true for other forms of art. All my favorite musicians are women and my favorite painters and my favorite sculptors (ok, I really don't have a favorite sculptor, but if I did she would be a crazy woman...).

Art can span gender, I think. Hopefully it communicates with as many people as possible, male, female, young, and old. Here is a selection of the work by a father and daughter, both artists, from my community. http://billandtracirabbit.com/prints.htm I used to live just up the road a few houses from their studio.

[Congratulations]

At any rate, I've recently read, cover to cover, no fewer than 5 books by Sylvia Plath (her novel, her journals, and numerous poetry collections), and a couple more about her life, so I think it's all her fault.

I spent a year of my life reading nothing but Poe. It nearly destroyed me.

I don't suggest it.

I can't read Poe. Male writers turn me off (weird, eh?). They're generally too rigid, predictable, and stupid for me to appreciate them. I just can't help it. Everything literary I've ever loved has been written by a woman who had severe mental problems. I relate best to women with severe mental problems.

Come to think of it, the same is true for other forms of art. All my favorite musicians are women and my favorite painters and my favorite sculptors (ok, I really don't have a favorite sculptor, but if I did she would be a crazy woman...).

Really? Nearly exact opposite for me. Granted, I've connected with Plath and Flannery O'Connor and Eudora Welty, but for the most part, I have a hard time with women writers. Especially female poets.

Incidentally, this is also why I am hesitant to sign up for an English class with a female professor. I know I'll have to someday, but I'm having trouble conceptualizing it.

That probably makes me look like a HUGE bigot. Oh, well.

[spittin_in_the_wind]

Really? Nearly exact opposite for me. Granted, I've connected with Plath and Flannery O'Connor and Eudora Welty, but for the most part, I have a hard time with women writers. Especially female poets.

Incidentally, this is also why I am hesitant to sign up for an English class with a female professor. I know I'll have to someday, but I'm having trouble conceptualizing it.

That probably makes me look like a HUGE bigot. Oh, well.

Really? Then you should read "The Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse", by Louise Erdrich, or Ursula Hegi's "Stones from the River". Or anything by Toni Morrison. Right now I'm reading "Jewel" written by Brett Lott, and he does a great job of capturing a woman's perspective.

By the way, there's a painting by Georgia O'Keefe called "Blue Sky" in our local art museum. I'd love to get a print of it, but they apparently aren't made. It's quite nice.

Robin

[BillChin]

This thread makes me feel very selfish.

I think I'm going to go find a soup kitchen to work or something.

No, seriously.

You should. We all should. We're all selfish and greedy. We don't need to live 1/10 as poshly as we do.

Everything that has been said is very wise and thoughtful. Thank you everybody.

1/10 is a good number. It is what many faiths suggest as the percentage to give. A person can give time, talent, and treasure. For the average person, giving 10% of all these, is exceptional. Some do much more. Most do less.

I meet many people who complain that they don't have any money to give. This is rarely true, most just have less. Like the famous Bible story about the widow with her mites, a poor person can choose to give of what they have or they can choose not to.

A person's mental health is a base. Without that, there is not much good a person can do out there in the world. Complaining and worrying both have a corrosive effect on a person's mental health.

I'll repeat the mantra, "do what you can."

[SteveShaw]

Male writers turn me off (weird, eh?). They're generally too rigid, predictable, and stupid for me to appreciate them.

Do you realise that in this throwaway remark you've turned what is your extremely subjective (and not very well-informed) opinion into an apparent statement of fact? Think, mate!

Steve

[Jack]

Male writers turn me off (weird, eh?). They're generally too rigid, predictable, and stupid for me to appreciate them.

Do you realise that in this throwaway remark you've turned what is your extremely subjective (and not very well-informed) opinion into an apparent statement of fact? Think, mate!

Steve

Of course I do. You've just turned me off.

[Feadin]

Cran, everything is about perspective, you can feel sad thinking and seeing all the sad thing around us, and you can also feel happy seeing and thinking of all the happy things surrounding us, they both exist.
Anyway, sadness and happiness, they are just like day and night, they just happen, and there's a reason for that.
You'll find this out for yourself when the time is right, but it's not wise trying to turn the night into day, or the day into night; nature, god, time or whatever you want to call him/her/it will make the change at the right time.
And let's complicate things a little more: Remember, everything has both day and night together at the same time, it depends entirely on perspective. Sad can be beautiful, happiness can be very sad. Have you ever saw people crying when they laugh? Or laughing right after crying?
But don't take my word for it, there's no use for this if it becomes only a discussion, try it for yourself, the next time you feel sad, just close your eyes and stay with your sadness, don't think it is a bad thing, don't think at all, it's OK to be sad sometimes, just watch your sadness... you'll find out it has a very beautiful side, too.

Thanks for sharing your feelings, and sorry for any spelling mistake

[rebl_rn]

"Being miserable doesn't make you better than anyone else. It just makes you miserable." - Wilson to House, on TV's House.

This ended the episode of House tonight and I immediately thought of this thread. While House's reasons for being miserable are totally different than what you're talking about, I think the quote still stands true.

I agree about the tithing (giving 10%), of time, talent, and treasure. It really is incredibly rewarding.

[BillChin]

"Being miserable doesn't make you better than anyone else. It just makes you miserable." - Wilson to House, on TV's House.
...

I agree about the tithing (giving 10%), of time, talent, and treasure. It really is incredibly rewarding.

I remember back many years ago that I believed that my fasting, depriving myself of food was some how doing some good for the hungry people of the world. While it may make me feel more important, in the real world, the hungry person doesn't give a damn about that, they just want some food, some opportunity, some hope.

It reminds me of a couple of one-liners:
"Get down off the cross, we need the wood." Some people want to play martyr, some people stay in that role all their lives. It is the only way they know how to relate to the world. If things start to go too well, they often feel the need to climb back up on that cross.

"You may walk through the valley of the shadow of death, but you don't have to build a condo there." This fits in with excessive worry. Some people find a problem and decide to build their lives around it. That is fine, if that is their conscious choice.

[susnfx]

I remember back many years ago that I believed that my fasting, depriving myself of food was some how doing some good for the hungry people of the world. While it may make me feel more important, in the real world, the hungry person doesn't give a damn about that, they just want some food, some opportunity, some hope.

One church's take on fasting is that you then give at least the cost of the meals missed to charity (preferably more).

Susan

[mukade]

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now
I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now

In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die ?

Two lovers entwined pass me by
And heaven knows I'm miserable now
I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now

In my life
Oh, why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die ?

What she asked of me at the end of the day
Caligula would have blushed
"You've been in the house too long" she said
And I (naturally) fled

In my life
Why do I smile
At people who I'd much rather kick in the eye ?

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now

[Monster]

Cranberry,

I think it is great that you are aware of people and situations other than than you and yours. But I know that if I personally were to focus on the seeming negativity of these same situations, I would find myself in the dumper rath quickly. The mind tends to reflect on what we guide it to. My suggestion is for you to think of one situation where you can be of benefit to someone or something, and whatever that one thing is, take action on it, (warning you may have to step away from the computer for this to happen) or maybe not.

It's not as easy as just doing that one thing, but I really believe that looking for solutions instead of just the problems is a good place to start. Yes, some things are just fubar, and you and I and most other people have little or no control over terrible situations, I think we need to work on ourselves first, and do what we can where we can. What good are we to anyone if we are catatonic and depressed?

I am still working on this very lesson, to guide my mind into positive rather than negative modes.