Chiff & Fipple: The 2008 Presidential Platform

[brewerpaul]

Senator Bob Dole and ultra-alpha football coach Mike Ditka doing straight-up endorsements

Oh please!!

Steve

Hey Slude-- ya stole my trademark!!! Pretty funny though..

#683-- all political posters must be removed from public places within a week after the election. After that, each candidate will be penalized one vote for each poster still in place. If this results in a recount, so be it...

[Flyingcursor]

jsluder, Walden, Charlene - you have my vote on those.

#1812 Canada shall....

Well played. Who else gets it?

#?? Special training, testing and drivers licences will be required for driving vehicles over a certain weight and size. Higher penalties for people driving said large vehicles involved in an accident.

#?? Big steel bars on the front of aforementioned vehicles prohibited.

I'd like to add to Weeks plank. NO pharmaceutical will be allowed to advertise a specific product on TV.

#?? People using corporate-speak in normal conversation will have their mouths washed out with soap.

#?? People using leet speak in normal conversation will have their computers taken away.
(this will effect me personally because I use it all the time to annoy my kids. ROFLOL BBQ.)

#?? Everyone should wear dew-rags cause they are teh hawt!!!one.

[jbarter]

A whistle in every pot.



Canadians can have pot in every whistle.

[Mitch]

#345. All media news items nust be at least 30% different from the same item from different sources.
#346 All media news items must be at least 5 minutes duration.
#347. Media news outlets shall be fined heavily if the item is the same 10 second article repeated 30 times.
#348. Media news items found to be paid-for advertisements in disguise will result in the board members of both the media org and the sponsor's company to be forced to use the product no-stop for 30 days.
#0.5 All players of the penny whistle to be declared national treasures and granted a life-long stipend.

[Tyler]

The problem with Gene Roddenberry's vision is you have to take the good (free food & clothing) with the bad (Frank Gorshin painted half-black and half-white.)

Such a Joker you are!

djm

No, Dude. I'm a Riddler.

[rimshot]

[Tyler]

#34587ex8.9876q- Any candidate wishing to run for the US presidency must take a reading, writing, and vocabulary comprehension test or risk being sent to Mogudusghu...

#34KL5-21.3- Automobile drivers may not talk on their cell phones while driving, the penalty for infraction will be to have a "cell phone holder" surgically installed into the driver's posterior so that they may "shove-it" when directed.
#34KL5-21.3p2- Any driver who is asked to "shove-it" by a peace officer must do so, regardless of the state of their posterior.

#3p15-8 Any citizen may not be stupid, silly, or do otherwise foolish things in public unless they have a license to do so. License to be silly must be obtained from the Ministry of Silly Walks.
#3p15-8.2 Silly walks must be registered and sponsored my the aformentioned Ministry of Silly Walks. Anyone anticipating the onset of a silly walk (drunkards, winos, etc.) must apply for a permit from the Ministry before-hand. Anyone not anticipating developing a silly walk is advised by the Ministry to obtain Silly Walking Without Licensure Insurance, purchasable from the Minsitry of Defense.

[SteveShaw]

Para. #43, subpara. #18 section 5: All American films that feature characters getting out of bed who have obviously just had sex yet are still wearing underwear should be banned forthwith.

Steve

[Tyler]

Para. #43, subpara. #18 section 5: All American films that feature characters getting out of bed who have obviously just had sex yet are still wearing underwear should be banned forthwith.

Steve

additional- underwear is banned forthwith.

[Montana]

Para. #43, subpara. #18 section 5: All American films that feature characters getting out of bed who have obviously just had sex yet are still wearing underwear should be banned forthwith.

Para. #43, subpara. #18 section 6: All films that feature female characters getting out of bed with all hair and make-up perfectly adjusted, whether or not they have obviously had sex, should be banned forthwith.

All gossip rags (which tends to include more magazines these days, such as Time, etc.) glorifying the wrong things (or anything) done by "famous" people should be banned.

[The Weekenders]

Well, if you guys are gonna get all silly, unlike me, I add forthwith:

Anyone who pours or buys a drink in a tv program or movie, actually has to drink it before leaving.

A one-year moratorium, especially on tv crime-n-justice shows on the phrase "We're done here."

A one-year or more ban on telephone calls that end with "mmm-bye."

[Roger O'Keeffe]

People getting out of taxis in movies must pay their fares and wait for the change.

[The Weekenders]

So true, Rog. Just like the drinks they never drink, they're always out of the cab and gone. I always imagine, "okay, they musta paid the guy before he stopped" knowing full well that's not how it works...

[Paul Reid]

Captain's Log, Stardate: 89-delta-015,

Florida has passed legislation that it is too confused to vote in any further electoral processes. The last plebiscite, a decision to make beach time in Miami mandatory for 18-24 year-olds 6 days a week, ended in street riots and public fornication. The state of Florida regrets that military actions subtantially exacerbated the dreadful results. A global vote is excessively demanding as the state is simply too fragile.

[SteveShaw]

Dear Fish 'n' Chipple

Captain's Log, Stardate: 89-delta-015,

The last plebiscite, a decision to make beach time in Miami mandatory for 18-24 year-olds 6 days a week, ended in street riots and public fornication.

I thought fornication was caused by too many of them overseas folks comin' over here...

The state of Florida regrets that military actions subtantially exacerbated the dreadful results.

Exacerbation is a sin and wears you out! I say keep yer hands high!

Yours sincerely,

Steve Dubya Shaw

[Paul Reid]

heh heh... you break me out Steve