Deck the halls with gasoline, fa la la la la, la la la la!

jsluder · Post by **jsluder** » Wed Dec 21, 2005 10:51 am

Feck the malls with vows, by golly,
Tra-la-la-la-laa La-la-la-laa!
Tis no reason for this folly,
Tra-la-la-la-laa La-la-la-laa!
Fight we now for gift apparel,
Tra-la-la La-la-la La-la-laa!
Hope we don't look down a barrel,
Tra-la-la-la-laa La-la-la-laa!

Joseph E. Smith · Post by **Joseph E. Smith** » Wed Dec 21, 2005 11:40 am

Oh....
It's the most-- obnoxious time of the year
All the rug rats are yelling
& the inlaws are smelling of whiskey and beer....
It's the most-- obnoxious time of the year.

cowtime · Post by **cowtime** » Wed Dec 21, 2005 8:55 pm

Joseph E. Smith wrote:Oh....
It's the most-- obnoxious time of the year
All the rug rats are yelling
& the inlaws are smelling of whiskey and beer....
It's the most-- obnoxious time of the year.

The above made me think of this(from the Chieftans' Bells of Dublin-

St Stephen's Day Murders
(Paddy Moloney/Elvis Costello)

I knew of two sisters whose name it was Christmas
And one was named Dawn of course, the other one was named Eve
I wonder if they grew up hating the season
Of the good will that lasts till the Feast of St. Stephen

For that is the time to eat, drink and be merry
'Til the beer is all spilled and the whiskey is flowed
And the whole family tree you neglected to bury
Are feeding their faces until they explode

Chorus:
There'll be laughter and tears over Tia Marias
Mixed up with that drink made from girders
And it's all we've got left as you draw your last breath
And it's nice for the kids as you've finally got rid of them
In the St Stephen's Day Murders

Uncle is garglin' a heart-breaking air
While the babe in his arms pulls out all that remains of his hair
And we're not drunk enough yet to dare criticize
The great big kipper tie he's about to baptize

His gin-flavoured whispers and kisses of sherry
His best crimble shirt flung out over the shop
While the lights from the Christmas tree blow up the telly
His face closes in like an old cold pork chop

Alternate Chorus:
And the carcass of the beast left over from the feast
May still be found haunting the kitchen
And there's life in it yet we may live to regret
When the ones that we poisoned stop twitchin'

Regular Chorus Repeat

TelegramSam · Post by **TelegramSam** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 8:52 am

Jingle bells, batman smells
robin laid an egg!
batmobile lost it's wheel
and joker got a way-hey!

Dasing through the snow
in a three-wheel batmobile
over hills we gooooo
and crash into a tree!

Bells on jokers ring
making spirits glum
oh what fun it is to go
and crash into a tree!

Tyler · Post by **Tyler** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 11:10 am

I had no idea that this thread would pick up this much steam!!!
Keep em coming!

carrie · Post by **carrie** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 12:21 pm

I suppose this is kinda opposite, but I remember writing a Christmas poem one year for my brother-in-law titled "Shopping for Goods on a Snowy Evening." Wish I could remember all of it (or any of it, for that matter, beyond the title), but I do remember being surprised that no one had done that before (at least to my knowledge). Any other great poems lend themselves to being ruined this way?

Carol

I.D.10-t · Post by **I.D.10-t** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 12:48 pm

Bob Rivers & Comedy Corp., Twisted Christmas
Copyright: 1987, Atlantic - Stock Number: 7 90671-2
· The Twelve Pains Of Christmas [Twelve Days of Christmas]
· The Chimney Song [We Wish You A merry Christmas?]
· We Wish You Weren't Living With Us [We Wish You A Merry Christmas]
· Wreck The Malls [Deck the Halls]
· A Visit From St. Nicholson
· Come All Ye Grateful Dead-Heads [O Come, All Ye Faithful]
· I'm Dressin' Up Like Santa (When I Get Out On Parole
· The Restroom Door Said, "Gentlemen"
· Foreigners [Angels We Have Heard on High]
· Joy To The World
· A Message From The King

Googling, Christmas song parodies came up with that cd.

jsluder · Post by **jsluder** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 12:54 pm

Yuleman vs. the Anti-Claus
Mambo, Santa, Mambo
Too Many Santas
Christmas In Jail
Santa's Got A Brand New Bag (Papa's Got A Brand New Bag)
Fifty Kilowatt Tree
The Night Before The Night Before Christmas
Do You Hear What I Hear, Man?
Christmas In LA
Mrs. Claus Want Some Lovin'
Rasta Reindeer
All I Want For Christmas

fearfaoin · Post by **fearfaoin** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 1:08 pm

cskinner wrote:I suppose this is kinda opposite, but I remember writing a Christmas poem one year for my brother-in-law titled "Shopping for Goods on a Snowy Evening."

That would be awesome! I can just imagine:

I need a gift for Meg and Scott!
So, once more 'round the parking lot,
If only I could find a spot...
If only I could find a spot.

cskinner wrote:Any other great poems lend themselves to being ruined this way?

It's going the other direction from your intent, but "The Night Before
Christmas (Programmer's style)" used to be quite popular amongst
the nerdly set:

'Twas the night before release and all through the house,
Not a program was working not even in browse.
The programmers hung by their tubes in dispair
With hopes that a miracle soon would be there.

The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
When out by the servers arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.

And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a systems programmer (with a case of cold beer)!
His resume glowed with experience so rare;
He turned out great code with a bit-pusher's flair.

More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
On UPDATE! on INQUIRY, on ADD, SAVE, DELETE!
All BATCH JOBS! FILE CLOSINGS! all FUNCTIONS COMPLETE!

His eyes were glazed over, fingers nimble and lean,
From weekends and nights in front of a screen.
A wink of an eye and a twist of his head,
Soon let me know i had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Turning specs into code; this guy was no jerk.
As he laid down his finger on yon 'ENTER' key,
The system came up and worked flawlessly.

The UPDATES updated; The DELETES, they deleted;
INQUIRIES inquired, and FILE CLOSINGS completed.
He tested each whistle, and he tried out each bell.
With nary an ERROR, for all had gone well.

The system was finished, the tests were concluded.
Even last-minute requests were included!
But the users exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
"It's just what I asked for, but not what I want!"

missy · Post by **missy** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 1:15 pm

1. The Chipmunk Song - Chipmunks
2. All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth - Spike Jones & His City Slickers
3. Jingle Bells - Singing Dogs
4. Twelve Gifts of Christmas, The - Allan Sherman
5. I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas - Gayla Peevey
6. Nuttin' For Christmas - Stan Freberg
7. A Christmas Carol - Tom Lehrer
8. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer - Elmo & Patsy
9. I Yust Go Nuts At Christmas - Yogi Yorgesson
10. Twelve Days of Christmas, The - Bob and Doug McKenzie
11. Green Christmas - Stan Freberg
12. I'm A Christmas Tree - Wild Man Fischer
13. I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus - Kip Addotta
14. Santa Claus And His Old Lady - Cheech & Chong
15. Christmas At Ground Zero - Weird Al Yankovic
16. Christmas Dragnet - Stan Freberg & Daws Butler

djm · Post by **djm** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 1:21 pm

I could never figure out where to go with this (Oh, Tannenbaum):

Oh, tanning bed, oh, tanning bed ....

Perhaps something to do with split vinyl, old smears of excess tanning solution, overexposure to UV rays, etc. and, God! what's that growing underneath?

djm

anniemcu · Post by **anniemcu** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 4:06 pm

"Joy to the World...
My Barbie Doll is dead!
I Bar-B-Qued her head!
Don't worry 'bout the body...
I flushed it down the potty...
and round and round it goes,
and round and round it goes,
and round... and round, and round it goes!"

Joseph E. Smith · Post by **Joseph E. Smith** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 5:24 pm

anniemcu wrote:"Joy to the World...
My Barbie Doll is dead!
I Bar-B-Qued her head!
Don't worry 'bout the body...
I flushed it down the potty...
and round and round it goes,
and round and round it goes,
and round... and round, and round it goes!"

And to this very day, my sister still has no idea it was me.