Simple Home Remedies
- Flying Cement
- Posts: 138
- Joined: Wed Oct 05, 2005 11:29 am
Simple Home Remedies
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1.If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a
cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will
be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to hold them
while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut
yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure
in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm
clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep
after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a
hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
Remember:
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
And last but not least.......if you are over 50 and wake up without pain, you're dead!
1.If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a
cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will
be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to hold them
while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut
yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure
in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm
clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep
after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a
hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
Remember:
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
And last but not least.......if you are over 50 and wake up without pain, you're dead!
It doesn't mean that much to me
To mean that much to you
To mean that much to you
- Flyingcursor
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- Location: Portsmouth, VA1, "the States"
- flanum
- Posts: 1289
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- Location: Cavan via Dublin, Skerries, Donabate, Ballinagh, Cavan, Ballyconnell, Ballinamore, Athlone, Cavan,
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* Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon.
* Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
* Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.
* Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic.
* Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.
* A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.
* Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
* Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.
* Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic.
* Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.
* A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.
Listen to me young fellow, what need is there for fish to sing when i can roar and bellow?
Flanum wrote:
MarkB
That was true a month ago in my neighbourhood. The street in front of my place has been a one way street going west for over sixty years. Then the city made it a two way street, in one week there were fifteen accidents involving vehicles, and six pedestrians hit, all confused and like me who steps off the curb every day only looking one way, almost bought a set of crutches.Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic.
MarkB
Everybody has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
- BrassBlower
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I do not feel obliged to believe that that same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-Galileo
I do not feel obliged to believe that that same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-Galileo