Simple Home Remedies

Flying Cement · Post by **Flying Cement** » Fri Dec 16, 2005 9:23 am

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1.If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a
cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will
be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to hold them
while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut
yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure
in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm
clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep
after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a
hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember:
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

And last but not least.......if you are over 50 and wake up without pain, you're dead!

MarkB · Post by **MarkB** » Fri Dec 16, 2005 9:53 am

What can I say? I'm laughing to hard! In each there is a wee bit of reality.

MarkB

Flyingcursor · Post by **Flyingcursor** » Fri Dec 16, 2005 10:24 am

Hilarious.

Band Nerd · Post by **Band Nerd** » Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:00 pm

Ha Ha!

IDAwHOa · Post by **IDAwHOa** » Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:58 pm

Here is another one:

Don't read the above right after taking a big swig of soda pop!!!!

jsluder · Post by **jsluder** » Fri Dec 16, 2005 7:03 pm

Sounds like the wisdom of Red Green.

flanum · Post by **flanum** » Sat Dec 17, 2005 11:18 am

* Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon.

* Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.

* Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.

* Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic.

* Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.

* A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.

MarkB · Post by **MarkB** » Sat Dec 17, 2005 12:27 pm

Flanum wrote:

Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic.

That was true a month ago in my neighbourhood. The street in front of my place has been a one way street going west for over sixty years. Then the city made it a two way street, in one week there were fifteen accidents involving vehicles, and six pedestrians hit, all confused and like me who steps off the curb every day only looking one way, almost bought a set of crutches.

MarkB

flanum · Post by **flanum** » Sun Dec 18, 2005 2:47 pm

* Deter goldfish from having sex by throwing a small bucket of air over any that you catch in the act.

BrassBlower · Post by **BrassBlower** » Sun Dec 18, 2005 3:57 pm

Chiffed · Post by **Chiffed** » Mon Dec 19, 2005 6:47 pm

Y'all are evil. I've got 6 broken ribs from a car crash, and even giggling hurts. Wince. Chortle. Cough. Smirk.

flanum · Post by **flanum** » Tue Dec 20, 2005 3:10 pm

* OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

djm · Post by **djm** » Tue Dec 20, 2005 3:36 pm

djm