Demise of the office Christmas Party

MarkB · Post by **MarkB** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 1:48 pm

Demise of the
Office Christmas Party

December 1 Memo

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 1
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party
will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the
banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No host bar,
but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing
traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't Be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

December 2 Memo

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 2
RE: Christmas Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our
Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an
important holiday which often coincides with Christmas,
though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy
applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this
time.
Happy now?

December 3 Memo

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a nondrinking table ... you didn't
sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but
if I put a sign on a table that reads "AA Only" you
wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
this? Somebody?

December 7 Memo

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December
2 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids
eating, drinking and sex during daylight hours. There goes
the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon
this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on
serving your meal until the end of the party the days
are so short this time of year or else package
everything for takehome in little foil swans. Will that
work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters
Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and
pregnant women will get the table closest to the
restrooms. Did I miss anything?

December 8 Memo

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday Party
So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you
expect me to do, a tapdance on your heads? Fire
regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our
"earthbased Goddessworshipping" employees, but we'll try
to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the
band's breaks. Okay???

December 9 Memo

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 9
RE: Holiday Party
People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having
our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of
"Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil
connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a
tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family
feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on
Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up?

December 10 Memo

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 10
RE: Holiday Party
Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're
going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue
whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the
table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your freaking salad bar,
including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have
feelings too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've
heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now!

December 14 Memo

FROM: Teri Bishops, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Lewis a
speedy recovery from her stress related illness and I'll
continue to forward your cards to her at the sanatorium.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our
Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd
off with full pay.
We hope that this change does not offend anyone.

Life is far to complicated these days!

MarkB

The Weekenders · Post by **The Weekenders** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 2:18 pm

Yeah, we don't have em here and I was really looking forward to fondling the cutie upstairs and getting in big trouble for it.

susnfx · Post by **susnfx** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 4:12 pm

Our office Christmas party has evolved over the years from an in-office party (ranging from skits from each clinic to the complete cast of a murder mystery to be solved) to the type we've had the past 7-8 years: a very large family dinner and fun (including dancing horas, a magician, rousing games of bingo, etc.). Every child (there are 30-40 of them this year) receives a gift selected just for them and the employees get three draws out of a "money bag" filled with 20, 50, and 100-dollar bills. (That's in addition to the actual Christmas bonus of extra paid time off and bonus cash).

There's no alcohol involved, but nobody's ever complained about it, and most people love having the whole family involved. The form it has taken now is by far the most popular way we've ever done a Christmas party. And if anybody is offended by it being called a Christmas party, they've never said anything.

Susan

cowtime · Post by **cowtime** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 5:16 pm

susnfx wrote:Our office Christmas party has evolved over the years from an in-office party (ranging from skits from each clinic to the complete cast of a murder mystery to be solved) to the type we've had the past 7-8 years: a very large family dinner and fun (including dancing horas, a magician, rousing games of bingo, etc.). Every child (there are 30-40 of them this year) receives a gift selected just for them and the employees get three draws out of a "money bag" filled with 20, 50, and 100-dollar bills. (That's in addition to the actual Christmas bonus of extra paid time off and bonus cash).

There's no alcohol involved, but nobody's ever complained about it, and most people love having the whole family involved. The form it has taken now is by far the most popular way we've ever done a Christmas party. And if anybody is offended by it being called a Christmas party, they've never said anything.

Susan

I want to go to YOUR Christmas party! (usps does not have one, of course)

Joseph E. Smith · Post by **Joseph E. Smith** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 7:04 pm

susnfx wrote:... ranging from skits from each clinic to the complete cast of a murder mystery to be solved...

Very, very cool! I especially love the murder mystery idea.... brilliant!

susnfx · Post by **susnfx** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 9:16 pm

Actually, the most hilarious thing I ever saw was a number done at one of the old in-office parties. The employees of one of the offices (including two respected physicians) each had a baton with a red ribbon tied around one end (their only nod to a Christmas theme)... they came in stepping high to a John Phillip Sousa march, baton movements all synchronized. I'll never forget the doctors' serious faces as they tried to stay in step and get their baton movements right. I laughed until my face ached. It's a great idea if you ever have to come up with something unexpected for a Christmas party!

Susan

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 10:57 pm

One nation under God!

brewerpaul · Post by **brewerpaul** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 5:35 am

The Weekenders wrote:Yeah, we don't have em here and I was really looking forward to fondling the cutie upstairs and getting in big trouble for it.

From what I've heard, she'll let you fondle her upstairs, but not downstairs-- at least on the first date....

Flyingcursor · Post by **Flyingcursor** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 5:54 am

I really miss the relaxed fun the old office Christmas party. By 'relaxed' I mean 'debauchary' and by 'office' I mean 'storage room'.

missy · Post by **missy** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 6:02 am

we have an on site, pot luck. It's ok, but slightly boring. I try to liven things up by slipping the "Dr. Demento's Christmas Album" in the stereo.

Everybody now:
"I want a hippopotamus for Christmas!!!"

jbarter · Post by **jbarter** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 6:29 am

Here we just take turns to suck on the communal humbug.

Flyingcursor · Post by **Flyingcursor** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 6:34 am

missy wrote:we have an on site, pot luck. It's ok, but slightly boring. I try to liven things up by slipping the "Dr. Demento's Christmas Album" in the stereo.

Everybody now:
"I want a hippopotamus for Christmas!!!"

"Only a hippopotamus will do...."

Tyler · Post by **Tyler** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:02 am

Our company holiday party is this Saturday. I always love our parties because it gives us another excuse for a texas hold-em tournament

This year they're renting out the ballroom at the Mariott and giving us 50% discounts on rooms for the night (because I'm pretty sure that they're expecting everyone to be too damn honkered to drive home

), which works out well because the 11th is our anniversary.

fel bautista · Post by **fel bautista** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 8:15 am

We have the company sponsored luncheon and gift draw as well; but for a few of us, we go to another resturant, have lunch and go bowling. What started as a "project only" kind of thing has mushroomed into "Are you guys bowling this year? Can I come too?" You got to love those alternative parties!

Wormdiet · Post by **Wormdiet** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 9:50 am

FenianForFreedom wrote:One nation under God!

Good to see there are some McCarthyite relics left in our culture.